Popular jokes (1906 to 1920)Jokes sorted by popularity on social networks. Popularity is sum of all all comments, likes, pluses, tweets, etc. is new measure, independant from rating with our star rating system. |
An old man is at passport control in Paris
An old man is at passport control in Paris. He is going through his bag for his passport which he can't find. The irritated woman on passport control asks him 'Have you visited France before?''Yes' replied the old man.
Sarcastically she responds 'Well surely you should know to have your passport ready...' to which he answers 'I didn't have to show it last time'
'Impossible!!' she bellowed.
The old man looks her straight in the eye and says 'Last time, when I landed on D-Day on 6th June 1944, I couldn't find a fucking Frenchman to give it to'
A guy walks into a post office...
A guy walks into a post office one day to see a middle-aged, balding man standing at the counter methodically placing ''Love'' stamps on bright pink envelopes with hearts all over them. He then takes out a perfume bottle and starts spraying scent all over them. His curiosity gets the better of him and he goes up to the balding man and asks him what he is doing. "I'm sending out 1,000 Valentine cards signed, 'Guess who?'"
"But why?'' asks the man.
"I'm a divorce lawyer."
I want to be the reason
I want to be the reason you look down at your phone and smile. Then walk into a pole. April Fool's Day - Here are 5 pranks you can play on people
1. Hard boil all the eggs in the carton and place them back in the refrigerator. 2. Paint a bar of soap completely with clear nail polish so it won’t suds up.
3. Turn every setting in someone’s car to the maximum: the heat, the radio, the wipers, the seats, etc.
4. Place a small piece of Post-it note over the ball under someone’s computer mouse so that it won’t work.
5. Switch the handles on the refrigerator to the side that doesn’t open.
Brendon Walsh: WMD Penis
My last girlfriend used to call my penis what I thought was a big, powerful, scary nickname. She was calling it a weapon of mass destruction. Sounded cool, but then I found out she was calling it that because she thought my penis was really hard to find. 
Directions
Pete and Larry had not seen each other in many years. Now they had a long talk trying to fill in the gap of those years by telling about their lives. Finally Pete invited Larry to visit him in his new apartment.
"I've got a wife and three kids and I'd love to have you visit us."
"Great. Where do you live?"
"Here's the address. And there's plenty of parking behind the apartment. Park and come around to the front door, kick it open with your foot, go to the elevator and press the button with your left elbow, then enter! When you reach the sixth floor, go down the hall until you see my name on the door. Then press the doorbell with your right elbow and I'll let you in."
"Good. But tell me...what is all this business of kicking the front door open, then pressing elevator buttons with my right, then my left elbow?"
"Surely, you're not coming empty-handed."
Two bats
Two bats are going for their midnight feed.After an hour or so, one bat gets tired of looking and goes home with no blood.The other bat comes home with blood dripping from its mouth. The first bat says enviously, "Where did you get all that blood from?"
The second bat replies, "Follow me. I'll show you."
After awhile the second bat leads them to a cave. He says, "You see that wall over there?"
The hungry bat excitedly says, "Yes!"
Other bat says, "I didn't."
Yo mamma so stupid her passwor...
Yo mamma so stupid her password needed 8 characters, so she typed "Snow White and the 7 dwarfs." Request Before Death
A murderer, sitting in the electric chair, was about to be executed. "Have you any last requests? asked the chaplain.
"Yes," replied the murderer. "Will you hold my hand?"
A man asks his wife...
A man asks his wife, "What would you do if I won the lottery?" His wife says, "Take half and leave your ass!" The man replies, "Great! I won 12 bucks, here is six, now get out!" 
