Popular jokes (19381 to 19395)

Vroom-Screech

What goes 'vroom-screech-vroom-screech'? A blonde at a flashing red light.

I can only write while crankin

I can only write while cranking my boombox. So what if I'm guilty of stereo typing.

Bee in band class...

The summer band class was just getting under way when a large insect flew into the room. The Sixth Graders, eager to play their shiny new instruments, tried to ignore the buzzing intruder, but eventually one student, Tommy, could stand it no longer. He rolled up his music book and swatted the insect, then he stomped on it to ensure its demise.

"Is it a bee?" another student asked.

"Nope," Tommy replied. "Bee flat."

Two old men were sitting in ...

Two old men were sitting in the garden of their nursing home when a seagull flying overhead pooped on the bald head of one of the men.
The nurse who was in attendance said urgently, "Don't worry, I'll run and fetch some toilet paper."
As she hurried off, one old man turned to the other: "Is she crazy or what? By the time she gets back with the toilet paper, that bird will be miles away!"

You Pick A Phrase, You Pick A Rhyme

You pick a phrase, you pick a rhyme...
Repeat the sound another time...
Five lambs and then an extra beat will do ya...
Another rhyme, a rising note, congratulations, you just wrote, another stupid verse to Hallelujah!

Having sex is like playing bri

Having sex is like playing bridge. If you don't have a good partner, you'd better have a good hand.

Nine lives....

A tom cat and a tabby cat were courting on a back fence at night.

The tom leaned over to the tabby with pent up passion and purred... "I'll die for you"

The tabby gazed at him from under lowered eye lids and asked,

"How many times?".

Did Noah Go Fishing?

A Sunday school teacher was teaching her young students about Noah and the ark. She asked them what they thought Noah may have done to pass the time in the ark for forty years. After waiting a few moments, the teacher suggested, “Maybe he did a lot of fishing. How about that?”
One little boy gave her a funny look and said, “I don't think so. It’s kinda hard to fish with just two worms!”

On a NUDE beach

A man shakes hand with a lady & says: Pleased to meet U!


Lady: Yeah, I can SEE that :P

Knock Knock Collection 080

Knock Knock

Who's there?

Hal!

Hal who?

Hal about Eve!


Knock Knock

Who's there?

Haley!

Haley who?

Haleyen Nation!


Knock Knock

Who's there?

Halibut!

Halibut who?

Haliburt a kiss sweetheart!


Knock Knock

Who's there?

Halifax!

Halifax who?

Halifax you if you fax me!


Knock Knock

Who's there?

Handel!

Handel who?

Handel with care!

“Valentine's Day is

“Valentine's Day is pure cupidity.”

 The Baseball Demands

Top Baseball Player Demands
From Late Show with David Letterman; Friday, August 12, 1994
In case anyone has od'ed on O.J. Simpson coverage or for those who might for some reason not know, the major league baseball player strike began today.]
No team flights on Continental Airlines.
Goodbye boring baseball hats, hello festive sombreros.
Make it legal to cork their pants.
Baseballs with delicious chocolate centers.
No more reports from that old guy up at Woodstock. [In reference to the live reports tonight from Calvert]
Two words: Streisand tickets.
Every team has to have at least one player named "Mookie".
Plenty of dugout Slimfast.
Put an on-deck circle in Madonna's bed.
More games against the Mets.

What has four legs...

What has four legs, is big, green, fuzzy, and if it fell out of a tree would kill you?

A pool table.

Mysterious Hole at the N*dist Camp

Q: What are they doing about the mysterious hole discovered at the Carefree N*dist Camp?
A: Nothing -- the police wont look into it.

Young people had no free time,

Young people had no free time, in the Busy teen Era.