Popular jokes (19666 to 19680)Jokes sorted by popularity on social networks. Popularity is sum of all all comments, likes, pluses, tweets, etc. is new measure, independant from rating with our star rating system. |
Why is it that your nose runs,
Why is it that your nose runs, but your feet smell?#joke #short
After dying in a car crash, th...
After dying in a car crash, three friends find themselves at an orientation to enter heaven. Each one was asked, "When you are in your casket, what would you like to hear your friends and family saying about you?"Sean says, "I would like to hear them say I was a great doctor and a great family man."
Karl says, "I would like to hear them say I was a wonderful husband and an excellent teacher who made a difference in children's lives."
Juan says, "I would like to hear them say, 'Look! He's moving!'"
#joke #doctor
Signs You Have a Hangover
- Youre convinced that chirping birds are Satans pets.
- Trying to gain control of the situation, you continue to tell your room to stay still.
- Looking at yourself in the mirror induces the same reaction as chugging a glass of fresh paint.
- Youd rather have a pencil jammed up your nose than be exposed to sunlight.
- You set aside an entire morning to spend some quality time with your toilet.
- You replace the traditional praying on your knees with the more feasible praying in a fetal position.
- The bathroom reminds you of a carnival barker shouting, Step right up and give it whirl!
- All day long your motto is, Never again.
- You could purchase a new bike just by recycling the bottles around your bed.
- Your natural response to Good morning, is Shut up!
#joke #animal #bird #pet
A man goes to Morris the tailo
A man goes to Morris the tailor to try on a new custom-made suit. The first thing he notices is that the sleeves are too long."No problem," says Morris the tailor. "Just bend them at the elbow and hold them out in front of you. See, now it's fine."
"But the collar is up around my ears!"
"It's nothing. Just hunch your back up a little... no, a little more... that's it."
"But I'm stepping on my cuffs!" the man cries in desperation.
"Nu, bend you knees a little to take up the slack. There you go. Look in the mirror -- the suit fits perfectly."
So, twisted like a pretzel, the man lurches out onto the street. Sherry and Florence see him go by.
"Oh, look," says Sherry, "that poor man!"
"Yes," says Florence, "but the suit -- what a beautiful fit."
#joke
An idiot decided to start a ch...
An idiot decided to start a chicken farm, so he bought a hundred chickens to start. A month later, he returned to the dealer for another hundred chickens because all of the first lot had died. A month later he was back at the dealers for another hundred chickens for the second lot had also died. "But I think I know where I'm going wrong," said the idiot. "I think I am planting them too deep."#joke #animal #chicken
Photography of internal organs
“Is photography of internal organs the wave of the future, or just a flash in the pancreas?”
#joke #short
Funny jokes-Special offer
Dean was out with his car in search of a petrol pump. He saw a pump on the corner of a highway. There was a big board inviting customers: “Come one, come all, special scheme for a tank full of petrol.”
So Dean drove in and asked the attendant about the scheme and was directed to the manager. The manager said: “See mate, it is like this. You get your tank filled up full and bring the slip to me here in this cabin. I will guess one number between One and seven in my mind. All you have to do is to guess the correct number that is in my mind and if it matches, you go in the back cabin over there and you get free s*x.”
Dean got excited, ran back to his car, got his tank full and returned back to the manager with his slip. "All right” the manager said “I have decided a number between one and seven in my mind, make your guess.”
Dean said: “Seven.”
The manager said: “Oh sir, you were so close. The number was six. Dean was disappointed but not dejected. He gave another shot after a few days with the same result: “My god, your guess was close enough but not right. I am sorry sir, but no free s*x for you.”
Next day, Dean narrated the story to his friend, Martin over a drink and said: “Marty, the manager is a cheat. If he guessed seven and I say seven, what stops him from saying it was six? He can change the number in his mind anytime he wants to. It's a scam, I tell you, that's what it is.”
Martin: “Hey wait Dean, that manager is no cheat and there is no scam, I assure you.'
Dean: “How can you be so sure?”
Martin: “My wife went there twice last week and won both times.”
#joke
Answering Machine Message 212
Hello, this is Jason's voice. Jason's not here right now -- hey, haven't you ever lost YOUR voice? Well, believe you me, when I find him again, I'll have a few choice words for him. If you do too, leave them after the beep.
#joke #short
Cloning Machine
Her: "I don't even know what the cloning machine does?"
Me: "Well, that makes two of us."
#joke #short
A well known womaniser with a
A well known womaniser with a long list of conquests walked into his neighborhood local and ordered a drink.The bartender thought he looked worried and asked him if anything was wrong.
"I'm scared out of my mind," the stud replied. "Some cheesed-off husband wrote to me and said he'd kill me if I didn't stop screwing his wife."
"So stop," the barkeep said.
"I can't," the womaniser replied, taking a long swill. "The idiot didn't sign his name!"
#joke
She was always afrai...
“She was always afraid of change, and for that reason, when using cash, she always paid the exact amount she owed.”
#joke #short
Its pissing down and this midg
Its pissing down and this midget goes to the doctors and says "Every time it rains my fanny gets sore".He tells her to hop onto the examining couch. He bends over and looks up her skirt. "I see the problem," he says. And taking a pair of scissors shoves them up her skirt. Snip snip snip snip he goes with the scissors. "There that's fixed it" he says. "Your fanny wont be sore any more"
"Did you operate on my fanny doctor?" asks the midget.
"No" said the doctor, "I cut 2 inches off the tops of your wellingtons".
#joke #doctor
What's In Your Future
Teacher: "Okay class let's start by sharing our dreams. What's yours David?"
David: "My dream is to earn $20,000 a month like my dad."
Teacher: "Wow! Your dad earns that much?"
David: "No ma'am, that's also my dad's dream."
#joke #short
James Cameron wanted Chuck Nor...
James Cameron wanted Chuck Norris to play the Terminator. However, upon reflection, he realized that would have turned his movie into a documentary, so he went with Arnold Schwarzenegger.#joke #short #chuck-norris
Christian Bulletin Bloopers
#joke #doctor
