Popular jokes (19966 to 19980)Jokes sorted by popularity on social networks. Popularity is sum of all all comments, likes, pluses, tweets, etc. is new measure, independant from rating with our star rating system. |
Geography Lesson
So many items are no longer made in America...
I just bought a new tv and the box said “built in antenna”...
I don’t even know where that is!
#joke #short
"The wife and I had hardly fin
"The wife and I had hardly finished one argument when I screwed up and started another one.""How'd you do that?"
"Well, you know when you're done with a big fight your significant other suggests a little 'make-up sex'?"
"Yeah."
"I guess it wasn't the right time for me to ask, 'Does it have to be with you?'"
#joke
Hilarious jokes-Two psychiatrists
Two psychiatrists had taken the evening off to have some fun and are enjoying a ride on a bike.
They have an accident and one of them, who had taken a bad fall, in grievously injured, with cuts, bruises and a lot of bleeding.
The other sits by his side and asks,
"Do you want to talk about it ?"
They have an accident and one of them, who had taken a bad fall, in grievously injured, with cuts, bruises and a lot of bleeding.
The other sits by his side and asks,
"Do you want to talk about it ?"
#joke #short
Things Not To Say During Sex
Things Not To Say During Sex1. When is this supposed to feel good?
2. Put that blender back in the kitchen where it belongs!
3. Did I remember to take my pill?
4. Are you sure I don't know you from somewhere?
5. I wish we got the Playboy channel..
6. That leak better be from the waterbed!
7. I told you it wouldn't work without batteries!
8. But my cat always sleeps on that pillow.
9. If you quit smoking you might have more endurance.
10. No, really.. I do this part better myself!
11. It's nice being in bed with a woman I don't have to inflate!
12. This would be more fun with a few more people.
13. You're almost as good as my ex!
14. Do you know the definition of statutory rape?
15. Perhaps you're just out of practice.
16. They're not cracker crumbs, it's just a rash.
17. Now I know why he/she dumped you..
18. Does your husband own a sawed-off shotgun?
19. You give me reason to conclude that foreplay is overrated.
20. What tampon?
21. And to think, I didn't even have to buy you dinner!
22. I have a confession..
23. Are those real or am I just behind the times?
24. Is that a hanging sculpture?
25. You'll still vote for me, won't you?
26. Did I mention my transsexual operation?
27. I really hate women who actually think sex means something!
28. I'll tell you who I'm fantasizing about if you tell me who you're fantasizing about.
29. A good plastic surgeon can take care of that in no time!
30. Does this count as a date?
31. Oprah Winfrey had a show about men like you!
32. Hic! I need another beer for this please.
33. I think biting is romantic, don't you?
34. You can cook too, right?
35. When would you like to meet my parents?
36. Sorry about the name tags, I'm not very good with names.
37. I hope I didn't forget to turn the gas oven off. Do you have a light?
38. Keep it down, my mother is a light sleeper...
39. Hey, when is it going to be my friend's turn?
40. Please understand that I'm only doing this for a raise...
41. How long do you plan to be "almost there"?
42. You mean you're NOT my blind date?
Lightbulb Joke Collection 69
Q: How many tech writers does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: None: "The user can work it out."
Q: How many tech writers does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: Just one, provided there's a programmer around to explain how to do it.
Q: How many tech writers does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: None: It should be obvious to an intelligent user.
Q: How many Technical Support staff does it take to change a lightbulb ?
A: "Well, we have an exact copy of your light bulb here and it seems to be working OK. Can you be more specific about the exact problem ?..."
Q: How many Technical Support staff does it take to change a lightbulb ?
A: I'm sorry, we don't support that kind of lighting technology.
Q: How many WordPerfect support technicians does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: We have an exact copy of the light bulb here, and it seems to be working fine. Can you tell me what kind of system you have? Ok. Now, exactly how dark is it? Ok, there could be four or five things wrong . . . have you tried the light switch?
Q: How many MIS guys does it take to change a light bulb?
A: MIS has received your request concerning your hardware problem, and has assigned your request Service Number 39712. Please use this number for any future reference to this light bulb issue. As soon as a technician becomes available, you will be contacted.
Q: How many first-time computer users does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A: One, but it takes him three hours and two phone calls to the electrician before he realizes he forgot to turn the switch on.
#joke
Have a life after death #joke #humor
"Do you believe in life after death?" the boss asked one of his employees."Yes, Sir." the new recruit replied.
"Well, then, that makes everything just fine," the boss went on. "After you left early yesterday to go to your grandmother's funeral, she stopped in to see you."
#joke #short
A teacher asked little Jo...
A teacher asked little Johnny if he knows his 1 to 10 well
"Yes! Of course! My pop taught me...even more than 10"
"Good. What comes after three?”
"Four," answers the boy.
"What comes after six?"
"Seven."
"Very good," says the teacher. "Your erm...dad did a good job. Now...so what comes after...lets say ten?"
"A jack"
#joke
Pinching
One morning while making breakfast, a man walked up to his wife, pinched her on the bottom, and said: "If you firmed this up, we could get rid of your control top pantyhose." While this offended her, she kept silent.
The next morning, the man woke his wife with a pinch on each of her breasts and said: "You know, if you firmed these up, we could get rid of your bra." This, she decided, was beyond a silent response, so she rolled over and grabbed his crotch.
With a death grip in place, she said: "You know, if you firmed this up, we could get rid of the gardener and the pool man."
#joke #food #breakfast
Bring Riches With You
There once was a rich man who was near death. He was very grieved because he had worked so hard for his money and he wanted to be able to take it with him to heaven. So he began to pray that he might be able to take some of his wealth with him.
An angel hears his plea and appears to him. "Sorry, but you can't take your wealth with you." The man implores the angel to speak to God to see if He might bend the rules.
The man continues to pray that his wealth could follow him. The angel reappears and informs the man that God has decided to allow him to take one suitcase with him. Overjoyed, the man gathers his largest suitcase and fills it with pure gold bars and places it beside his bed.
Soon afterward the man dies and shows up at the Gates of Heaven to greet St. Peter. St. Peter seeing the suitcase says, "Hold on, you can't bring that in here!"
But, the man explains to St. Peter that he has permission and asks him to verify his story with the Lord. Sure enough, St. Peter checks and comes back saying, "You're right. You are allowed one carry-on bag, but I'm supposed to check its contents before letting it through."
St. Peter opens the suitcase to inspect the worldly items that the man found too precious to leave behind and exclaims, "You brought pavement?!!!"
#joke
A man appears before a judge o...
A man appears before a judge one day, asking for a divorce. The judge quietly reviewed some papers and then said, 'please tell me why you are seeking a divorce.''Because,' the man said, 'I live in a two-story house.'
The Judge replies, 'what kind of a reason is that? What is the big deal about a two-story house?'
The man answers, 'Well Judge, one story is 'I have a headache' and the other story is 'It's that time of the month.''
#joke #divorce
Valid Identification
DURING a readiness exercise, my friend Jim and I, Air Force security policemen, were guarding entry to a bunker-like structure where aircrafts were kept.
When a pilot about to do a preflight check approached without his identification in plain view, Jim asked him for it.
"I don't see why I have to show you my ID," the pilot snapped. "After all, it is my plane."
"Sir, with all due respect, it may be your plane," replied Jim, "but it's sitting in my garage!"
#joke #sport #exercise
