Popular jokes (19996 to 20010)

Herd of cows...

A young man visiting a dude ranch wanted to be "macho," so he went out walking with one of the hired hands. As they were walking through the barnyard, the visitor tried starting a conversation: "Say, look at that big bunch of cows."

The hired hand replied, "Not 'bunch,' but 'herd.' "

"Heard what?"

"Herd of cows."

"Sure, I've heard of cows. There's a big bunch of 'em right over there."

Q: Why do museums have old din...

Q: Why do museums have old dinosaur bones?
A: Because they cant afford new ones.

A man who has been un-decided ...

A man who has been un-decided about his sexuality all his life finally decides he is going to try sex with another man.

He goes to the local gay bar, and orders a drink.

The barman says "You look nervous, first time?"

"Yes" Says the man.

"Not to worry, I will take you back to my house and have sex with you. If you don't like it make the noise of an animal, and if you do like it, just sing a song."

The man agrees and goes home with the barman at the end of his shift. They go into his bedroom, and the barman strips him off and starts giving him one in the arse. He hears his new friend screaming "Moooo , moooo, MOON RIVER."

Really funny jokes-Carnival truck

“When it comes to nou

“When it comes to nourishment, a boa's best friend is his smother.”

Joan and her neighbor are talk...

Joan and her neighbor are talking about their daughters. Joan says, "My daughter is at the university. She's very bright, you know. Every time we get a letter from her we have to go to the dictionary."
Her neighbor says, "You are lucky, every time we hear from our daughter we have to go to the bank."

California Winemakers

California winemakers in the Napa Valley area, which primarily produce Pinot Blanc, Pinot Noir and Pinot Grigio wines, have developed a new hybrid grape that acts as an anti-diuretic.
It is expected to reduce the number of trips older people have to make to the bathroom during the night.
The new wine will be marketed as
PINO MORE
I heard it through the grapevine.

In Flight Emergency?

On a recent flight from New York to Seattle an elderly lady stands up and shouts, "Is there a doctor here?"

A nice, serious guy approaches her quickly and tells her, "I am. What is the problem?"
She replies, "Do you want to meet my daughter?"

A sailor drops anchor in a por

A sailor drops anchor in a port and heads into the nearest pub. Everyone in the pub is whispering and pointing at him because of his odd shaped body; he has a very muscular body, but a very tiny head on his shoulders. As he orders his drink, he tells the bartender, "I'll explain. I get this in every port and town I visit. I caught a mermaid and she granted me three wishes if I would release her back into the sea. So I told her I wanted a yacht and, sure enough, she came through for me. Next, I asked for a million bucks and now I am set for life. Last of all, I asked her if I could have sex with her and her response was, 'I don't know how you can make love to me with your type of body.' So I asked her, 'How about a little head?'"

One Monday evening a tourist v

One Monday evening a tourist visits a brothel in Paris and, on leaving, is very surprised to be handed 5,000 Euros. The next evening he goes back and the same thing happens. He goes back on the third night, but doesn't get a single cent. Upset, he complains to the concierge.
The concierge says, "Why should we pay you? We don't film on Wednesdays."

Doug Benson: Cop Buddy Screenplay

My careers going pretty good. I just finished a screenplay. Its a cop buddy picture -- two cops: one cop has narcolepsy, the other one has Tourettes Syndrome. Its called Snoozy and Spaz.

“I don't use too much...

“I don't use too much wine in making charosis for Passover, lest I get charosis of the liver.”

“The gourmet chef rec

“The gourmet chef received an injection for a severe allergic reaction. He got an epi-cure.”

A brief affair

A young associate was romantically ambushed in a darkened room of the law firm.

After months of the social isolation that comes from eighty hour work weeks, the associate was happy to reciprocate.

However, when asked by a friend to identify the lover, the associate was puzzled.

"All I know for sure is that it was a partner, I had to do all the work."

Submitted by Curtis

Edited by Calamjo

The show Survivor had the orig...

The show Survivor had the original premise of putting people on an island with Chuck Norris. There were no survivors, and nobody is brave enough to go to the island to retrieve the footage.