Popular jokes (20236 to 20250)Jokes sorted by popularity on social networks. Popularity is sum of all all comments, likes, pluses, tweets, etc. is new measure, independant from rating with our star rating system. |
It is treasonous to tamper wit
It is treasonous to tamper with unlabeled stool samples. You will be branded a tray turd.Worries About Mad Cow Disease
There were these two cows, chatting over the fence between their fields.
The first cow said, "I tell you, this mad-cow-disease is really pretty scary. They say it is spreading fast; I heard it hit some cows down on the Johnson Farm."
The other cow replies, "I ain't worried, it don't affect us ducks."
The stockbroker received notic
The stockbroker received notice from the IRS that he was being audited.He showed up at the appointed time and place with all his financial records, then sat for what seemed like hours as the accountantpored over them.
Finally the IRS agent looked up and commented, "You must have been a tremendous fan of Sir Arthur Conan Doyle."
"Why would you say that?" wondered the broker.
"Because you've made more brilliant deductions on your last three returns than Sherlock Holmes made in his entire career."
Top Sarcastic Police Comments
'You know, stop lights don't come any redder than the one you just went through.'The census taker knocked on Do
The census taker knocked on Donna's door. She answered all his questions except one. She refused to tell him her age."But everyone tells their age to the census taker," he said.
"Did Miss Maisy Hill, and Miss Daisy Hill tell you their ages?" she asked.
"Certainly," he replied.
"Well, I'm the same age as they are," she snapped.
"As old as the Hills," he wrote on his form.
It is truly said that children...
It is truly said that children brighten a home - they never turn the lights off.Under a tack ....
Driving to work, a gentleman had to swerve to avoid a box that fell out of the truck in front of him. Seconds later, a policeman pulled him over for reckless driving. Fortunately, another office had seen the carton in the road. The policemen stopped traffic and recovered the box. It was found to contain large upholstery tacks.
"I'm sorry, Sir," the first trooper told the driver, "but I am still going to have to write you a ticket."
Amazed, the driver demanded to know the reason.
The trooper replied . . . "Tacks evasion."
Two Elderly Gentlemen
Two elderly gentlemen, who had been without sex for several years, decided they needed to visit a cat-house for some tail..... When they arrived, the madam took one look at them and decided she wasn't going to waste any of her girls on these two old men.
So she used "blow-up" dolls instead. She put the dolls in each man's room and left them to their business. After the two men were finished, they started walking home and began to talking. The first man said, "I think the girl I had was dead. She never moved, talked or even groaned... how was it for you?"
It takes a certain typ
It takes a certain type to commit infonticide.From the Mind of Friar Jackie Martling
Frawley's drunk, he comes home late, crawls in bed, goes down on his wife and really has at it.
Then he gets up, walks into the bathroom, and his wife is standing there.
He says, 'What are you doing in here?'
She says, 'Shhh! Your mother's in our bed.'
Never tip over another manR
Never tip over another man's portapottie. That's dirty poo hole.We all get stung, after the st
We all get stung, after the stock market has piqued.Scary Collection 48
A wizard joke
Why did the wizard wear a yellow robe to the Halloween party?
He was going as a banana!
A wizard joke
What do wizards do to get their kicks?
They drool over the pictures in "witch" magazine!
A wizard joke
What do you call a wizard who lies on the floor?
Matt!
A wizard joke
What do you call a wizard who has fallen into the sea on a barrel?
Bob!
A wizard joke
What must a wizard be to receive a state funeral?
Dead!
A wizard joke
What would happen if you threw lots of eggs at a wizard?
He would be egg-sterminated!
A wizard joke
What happened when the wizard turned a boy into a hare?
He's still rabbiting on about it!
Little Johnny comes downstairs...
Little Johnny comes downstairs crying.His mother asked, �What�s the matter now?�
�Dad was hanging pictures, and just hit his thumb with the hammer,� said little Johnny through his tears.
�That�s not so serious,� soothed his mother. �I know you are upset, but a big boy like you shouldn�t cry at something like that. Why didn�t you just laugh?"
�I did!� sobbed Johnny.
One wish...
A guy walking along the beach finds a bottle and picks it up.
A genie pops out and says, "Thanks for letting me out. For your kindness I will grant you one wish."
The guys says, "I've always wanted to go to Hawaii, but I can't because I'm afraid to fly and ships make me deathly sick. My wish is for you to build a road from here to Hawaii."
The genie says, "I'm sorry, but I don't think I can do that. Just think of all the work involved. Think of the huge pilings we'd need to hold up that highway and how deep they would have to be to reach the bottom of the ocean. And think of all the cement that would be needed. Plus, since it's such a long span, there would have to be gas stations and rest stops along the way. No, that's just too much to ask. Impossible."
The guy says, "Well, there is one thing I've always wanted to know. I'd like to be able to understand women...what makes them laugh and cry...you know, what makes them tick."
The genie thinks a second, then asks, "You want two lanes or four?'
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