Popular jokes (20461 to 20475)

This lady is having a bed wett...

This lady is having a bed wetting problem, so she decides to go the doctor. The Dr. tells her to undress and to stand on her head facing the mirror. She figures he is a Dr. and gets in front of the mirror.

The Dr. goes over to the lady and rests his chin between her legs and looks in the mirror. After a few minutes he stands up and tells the lady to go ahead and put her clothes back on and he will talk to her after she gets dressed.

The lady puts her clothes back on and asks the Doc what is wrong with her. He tells her that she needs to quit drinking before she goes to bed. The lady asks the doc why he had her get naked in front of the mirror and stand on her head.

He replies, "Oh. I wanted to see how I would look with a beard."

Two WASPs are making love. Aft...

Two WASPs are making love. Afterward the man says to the woman, "What's the matter? Didn't you like it?"

The woman says, "Of course I liked it. What gave you the idea that I didn't?"

"Well," says the man, "you moved."

“Leaving myself out o

“Leaving myself out of my own photo was selfie-facing.”

When I Was Your Age

Teacher: "When I was of your age, I learned very quickly and was not as slow as you are."
Student: "Wow, you must have had a good teacher then, didn't you?"

In a train compartment a young

In a train compartment a young couple and an elderly, somewhatragged man were sitting. The girl looks like she's having somediscomfort so her boyfriend asks her, "What's wrong honey?"
She replies, "My head hurts."
Her boyfriend kisses her forehead, and asks her, "Is it better now?"
"Yes," she says.
Then he asks, "Does it hurt somewhere else?"
"Here," she replies, pointing to her lips. So the boyfriend kisseshe lips.
"Is it better now?"
"Much better."
"Anywhere else?"
She replies by pointing to her neck. So the boyfriend kisses herneck.
Annoyed at the pitiful public display, the elderly man asks theyoung man, "Excuse me pal, do you do hemorrhoids?"

Simplified Income Taxes

REVENUE CANADA *T1-SIMPLIFIED TAX FORM
New Simplified Tax Form for 2000 Taxes
1. How much money did you make in 2000?
2. Send it to us.

Short funny jokes-Take home pay

Trump's trying to force

Trump's trying to force a new one-sided trade deal on Canada and Mexico, aka HAFTA.

Looking Heavenward

The temporary Sunday School teacher was struggling to open a combination lock on the supply cabinet. She had been told the combination, but couldn't quite remember it.

She went to the pastor's study and asked for help. The pastor came into the room and began to turn the dial.

After the first two numbers he paused and stared blankly for a moment.Finally he looked serenely heavenward and his lips moved silently.

Then he looked back at the lock, and quickly turned to the final number, and opened the lock.

The teacher was amazed. "I'm in awe at your faith, pastor," she said.

"It's really nothing," he answered. "The number is on a piece of tape on the ceiling."

A woman's husband had been sl

A woman's husband had been slipping in and out of a coma for several months, yet she had stayed by his bedside every single day.
One day, he motioned for her to come nearer. She sat by him, he whispered, eyes full of tears, "You know what? You have been with me all through the bad times. When I got fired, you were there to support me. When my business failed, you were there. When I got shot, you were by my side. When we lost the house, you stayed right here. When my health started failing, you were still by my side...You know what?"
"What dear?" she gently asked, smiling as her heart began to fill with warmth.
"I think you're bad luck, get the heck away from me!"

Leaves of the Book

A little boy opened the big Bible. He was fascinated as he fingered through the old pages. Suddenly, something fell out of the Bible. He picked up the object and looked at it. What he saw was an old leaf that had been pressed in between the pages. "Mama, look what I found!" the boy called out.
"What have you got there, dear?"
With astonishment in the young boy's voice, he answered, "I think it's Adam's underwear!"

An idiot heard that a fortune

An idiot heard that a fortune could be made by working as a lumberjack in Canada. So, off he goes. After some weeks, he arrives at a lumberjack-camp and asks the foreman for a job.
Foreman: "Okay sonny, but you'll have to do a test first. If you can chop down 100 trees tomorrow you're hired."
So, next day, the idiot gets his chainsaw and happily saws away all day. However, when trees are counted the idiot only has 98...

"Oh well," says the foreman, "You'll get another chance tomorrow."
So, next day, same story, 99 trees.
"I don't believe this," says the foreman, "A big strong fella like yourself should be able to cut down 200 trees in a day. You know what? You get one more chance, and I'll join you to show you the trick of it".
So, next day, the idiot and the foreman go into the forest. Upon arrival at a nice open spot the foreman puts the chainsaw on the ground, and starts the engine... Says the idiot: "What that? Where's the noise coming from?"

I was in Paris, with orders to...

I was in Paris, with orders to replace my boss's antique white chesspieces. He told me, “Spare no expense!” He gave me a blanc échec.

What Is This?

A priest, a minister and a rabbi walk into a bar.
The bartender looks up and says, "What is this, a joke?"