Popular jokes (20491 to 20505)Jokes sorted by popularity on social networks. Popularity is sum of all all comments, likes, pluses, tweets, etc. is new measure, independant from rating with our star rating system. |
Two old men were sitting in th
Two old men were sitting in the park talking. After a while the conversation turned to aging. One said, "When it comes to getting older, women have all the luck.""What do you mean?" asked his friend.
"Well, I haven't been able to perform in bed for ten years now, but my wife seems to be healthier than ever."
"In what way is she healthier?" asked the friend.
"Up to about ten years ago, she used to get these terrible headaches just before bedtime. But she doesn't get them anymore."
Hilarious jokes-How cold?
The winter being treacherous, Sam commented, "It is really cold outside today."
Robert asked, "How cold is it?"
Sam replied, "It is colder than my mother-in-law's kiss!"
A man who's wife was pregnant ...
A man who's wife was pregnant couldn't bear to be in the delivery room at the time of the birth.So he thought he'd ring up later to see if it had come yet.
He rang up and the nurse said "it's a girl but theres another one on the way"
he rang again later and the nurse said "it's another girl but there's another coming"
he rang once more and the nurse said " it's a boy but there's another coming"
He couldn't stand it any more so he went to the pub and got drunk.
An hour later he was really nervous. He was dialling the hospital, hands shaking, and accidently dialled the sports line. he asked " how many did we get mate" the person said "198 all out.... and the last one was a duck"
A broom wedding...
Two brooms were hanging in the closet, and after they got to know each other a bit, decided to get married.
The bride broom looked very beautiful in her white dress. The groom broom was handsome and suave in his tuxedo. The wedding was lovely and attended by all the push brooms and dust mops.
After the wedding, at the wedding dinner, the bride broom leaned over and whispered to the groom broom, "We're soon going to have a little whisk broom!"
"Impossible!" said the groom broom, indignantly. "We haven't even swept together yet!!!"
“I couldn't find the
“I couldn't find the car window scraper this morning, so I used a plastic store discount card to clean my windows. It didn't work very well. I only got 20% off.”
Catching Many Fish
A fisherman returned to shore with a giant marlin that was bigger and heavier than he. On the way to the cleaning shed, he ran into a second fisherman who had a stringer with a dozen baby minnows. The second fisherman looked at the marlin, turned to the first fisherman and said, " Only caught one, eh?"
Get Your Ire Up
Three Englishmen were getting soused in a pub, when they spotted an Irishman sitting off in the corner. To have a little fun, one of them approached him."Did y'know that St. Patrick was a sissy?"
"Oh, no, I dinnae know that. Thank ye."
The man returned to his friends, complaining that it hadn't worked. The second decided to try.
"Did y'know that St. Patrick was a transvestite?"
"Oh, no, I dinnae know that. Thank ye."
The second man returned to his friends, amazed that it hadn't worked. The third man knew he had the solution.
"Did y'know that St. Patrick was an Englishman?"
"Oh, no. But that's what y'r friends hae been trying to tell me."
Dolly Parton c...
Dolly Parton charmed me into watching the Winter Games. I was boobs led.Short Snow Jokes
What happened when the snowgirl fell out with the snowboy?She gave him the cold shoulder!
What do snowmen wear on their heads?
Ice caps!
What's an ig?
An eskimo's home without a loo!
What do snowmen eat for lunch?
Icebergers!
Where do snowmen go to dance?
Snowballs!
How do snowmen travel around ?
By iceicle !
What sort of ball doesn't bounce ?
A snowball !
How do you know when there is a snowman in your bed ?
You wake up wet !
What do you get if cross a snowman and a shark ?
Frost bite !
How do you call an Eskimo cow ?
An Eskimoo !
In a dark and hazy room, peeri
In a dark and hazy room, peering into a crystal ball, the mystic delivered grave news:"There's no easy way to say this, so I'll just be blunt - prepare yourself to be a widow. Your husband will die a violent and horrible death this year."
Visibly shaken, Laura stared at the woman's lined face, then at the single flickering candle, then down at her hands. She took a few deep breaths to compose herself.
She simply had to know. She met the fortune teller's gaze, steadied her voice, and asked:
"Will I be acquitted?"
When Jesus Was Born
Saints Dominic, Francis of Assisi, and Ignatius of Loyola are transported back in time and place to the birth of Our Lord.St. Dominic, seeing the Incarnation of the Word, is sent into ecstasy.
St. Francis, seeing God become a helpless child, is overcome with humility.
St. Ignatius of Loyola takes Mary and Joseph aside and asks, “Have you given any thought to his education?”
This joke was reprinted from "The Book of Catholic Jokes" by Deacon Tom Sheridan, with permission of ACTA Publications. Copyright 2008. All rights reserved.
