Popular jokes (20926 to 20940)Jokes sorted by popularity on social networks. Popularity is sum of all all comments, likes, pluses, tweets, etc. is new measure, independant from rating with our star rating system. |
Like a Bull!
A man and his wife were on a train passing through farm country. As the train slowed down they saw a bull mounting one cow after another. The wife turned to her husband and remonstrated."Why aren't you men capable of doing things that way?"
"My dear," he answered, "we can if you let us change cows each time!"
When the action star attacked
When the action star attacked the villains in their Astro, there was a lot of van dammage.Is it true Dr. Jack Kevorkian ...
Is it true Dr. Jack Kevorkian is a die-abet-ic?Did the inventor of the polygr...
Did the inventor of the polygraph lie sense his product?Etch-A-Sketch
Memo:To all employees
Subject:Increased productivity
Management has determined that there is no longer any need for network or software applications support.(See below)
The goal is to remove all computers from the desktop by December 31, 1999. Instead, everyone will be provided with an Etch-A-Sketch. There are many sound reasons for doing this:
1. No Y2K problems
2. No technical glitches keeping work from being done.
3. No more wasted time reading and writing emails.
Frequently Asked Questions for Etch-A-Sketch Technical Support :
Q: My Etch-A-Sketch has all of these funny littlelines all over the screen.
A: Pick it up and shake it.
Q: How do I turn my Etch-A-Sketch off?
A: Pick it up and shake it.
Q: What's the shortcut for Undo?
A: Pick it up and shake it.
Q: How do I create a New Document window?
A: Pick it up and shake it.
Q: How do I set the background and foreground to the same color?
A: Pick it up and shake it.
Q: What is the proper procedure for rebooting my Etch-A-Sketch?
A: Pick it up and shake it.
Q: How do I delete a document on my Etch-A-Sketch?
A: Pick it up and shake it.
Q: How do I save my Etch-A-Sketch document?
A: Don't shake it.
“I think I've been r
“I think I've been reusing the same kitchen puns too much, I might need to dish out new ones.”
The Lawyer & The Dea
A dying man gathered his Lawyer, Doctor and Clergyman at his bedside and handed each of them an envelope containing $25,000 in cash. He made them each promise that after his death and during his repose, they would place the three envelops in his coffin. He told them that he wanted to have enough money to enjoy the next life. A week later the man died. At the Wake, the Lawyer and Doctor and Clergyman, each concealed an envelope in the coffin and bid their old client and friend farewell. By chance, these three met several months later. Soon the Clergyman, feeling guilty, blurted out a confession saying that there was only $10,000 in the envelope he placed in the coffin. He felt, rather than waste all the money, he would send it to a Mission in South America. He asked for their forgiveness. The Doctor, moved by the gentle Clergyman's sincerity, confessed that he too had kept some of the money for a worthy medical charity. The envelope, he admitted, had only $8000 in it. He said he too could not bring himself to waste the money so frivolously when it could be used to benefit others. By this time the Lawyer was seething with self-righteous outrage. He expressed his deep disappointment in the felonious behavior of two of his oldest and most trusted friends."I am the only one who kept my promise to our dying friend. I want you both to know that the envelope I placed in the coffin contained the full amount. Indeed, my envelope contained my personal check for the entire $25,000."
After a series of tests, the 3...
After a series of tests, the 3 top candidates were chosen for a final interview with the CIA Director for a job opening. The first one's interview went really well... so the Director says: "I think you are the right man for the job, there is just one last thing you must do to prove your loyalty, here is a gun, go to the next room and shoot your wife."The man stands up and says, "Sorry Sir, I can't do that" and walks out. The same thing happens with the second applicant. The third guy's interview went well, so he is asked to prove his loyalty to the future job in the same way.
The Guy takes the gun, goes next door. The CIA Director hears : "Bang...".. pause ...... "Bang, Bang, Bang, Bang." ..... long pause..... then a scuffle and noises...... silence. The third applicant returns to the Director's office and says" Some Idiot loaded this gun with blanks... so I had to strangle her!"
UFO
A flying saucer was low on fuel, so it landed by a gas station on a lonely country road.On its side were the letters "UFO." The gas station attendant was stunned, but his curiosity got the best of him.
"Does that stand for Unidentified Flying Object?" he asked.
"No," one of the other-worldly travelers responded, "It stands for "Unleaded Fuel Only."
You Might Be A Physics Majo
You Might Be A Physics Major If...1. It is sunny and 70 degrees outside, and you are working on a computer.
2. The "fun" center of your brain has deteriorated from lack of use.
3. You are completely addicted to caffeine.
4. You can translate English into Binary.
5. You can't remember what's behind the door in the science building which says "Exit."
6. You chuckle whenever anyone says "centrifugal force."
7. You consider ANY non-science course "easy."
8. You frequently whistle the theme song to "MacGyver."
9. You have a pet named after a scientist.
10. You have no life - and you can PROVE it mathematically.
11. You have to bring a jacket with you, in the middle of summer, because there's a wind-chill factor in the lab.
12. You hesitate to look at something because you don't want to break down its wave function.
13. You know how to integrate a chicken and can take the derivative of water.
14. You know vector calculus but you can't remember how to do long division.
15. You laugh at jokes about mathematicians.
16. You've actually used every single function on your graphing calculator.
17. You understood more than five of these indicators.
“Although there were
“Although there were bombs everywhere at the party, it was still a blast.”
The Christmas gift...
A guy bought his wife a beautiful diamond ring for Christmas.
A friend of his said, "I thought she wanted one of those sporty 4-Wheel drive vehicles."
"She did," he replied. "But where in the world was I gonna find a fake Jeep?"
