Popular jokes (21391 to 21405)Jokes sorted by popularity on social networks. Popularity is sum of all all comments, likes, pluses, tweets, etc. is new measure, independant from rating with our star rating system. |
Blonde Jokes
what do you do if a blonde throws a grenade at you?you pull the pin and throw it back
how does a blonde kill a fish?
she drowns it
how does a blonde kill a worm?
she burys it
how does a blonde kill a bird?
she throws it of a cliff
how do you kill a blonde?
you put a scratch and sniff sticker at the bottom of a pool/you put a condom on top of a flag pole
Never On Time
Passenger: What good is your timetable, the trains are never on time!
Conductor: And how would you know they were late if it wasn’t for the timetable?
Amputees would love to revolt,
Amputees would love to revolt, and form a nolegarchy. But they refuse to rise up! [… at least they contribute to the noleg economy]WHAT DOES A WOMAN AN
THEY BOTH WIGGLE WHEN U EAT EM.Vedil worshipper
Did you hear about the dyslexic devil worshipper?He sold his soul to Santa.
Astrology
I don't believe in astrology...I'm a Sagittarian and we're
skeptical.
- Charles Schultz
Criminal Steals Lumber
A man with a nagging secret couldn't keep it any longer. In the confessional he admitted that for years he had been stealing building supplies from the lumberyard where he worked.
"What did you take?" his priest asked.
"Enough to build my own house and enough for my son's house. And houses for our two daughters and our cottage at the lake."
"This is very serious," the priest said. "I shall have to think of a far-reaching penance. Have you ever done a retreat?"
"No, Father, I haven't," the man replied. "But if you can get the plans, I can get the lumber."
Blonde With Top Down
There were two blondes the just came out of the mall. As they walked through the parking lot, they remembered that they had left the keys in the car.Realizing that they were locked out, the blondes got a hanger and tried to open the door. Hard at work, the first blonde stopped to catch her breath.
The other blonde got worried as she looked up a the sky and said, "We've got to hurry up and get in before it starts to rain. I don't want to get the seats wet because the top is down!"
Conway Twitty, Is That Really You?
A young pastor moved to town and decided he would go around and introduce himself to the new congregation. He rang the first door bell and a lady came to the door. She stared at him as he introduced himself. She said, “I can't believe how much you look like Conway Twitty, the country music singer.” He replied, “Yes, ma’am, I hear that a lot.”He went to the next house and the next, and every lady that came to the door said the same thing—that he looked like Conway Twitty.At the last house, a shapely young lady came to the door with a towel around her. He started to introduce himself, but she loosened her towel, threw her arms in the air, and screamed, “Conway Twitty!”The pastor stood there, stunned. Then he said, “Hello, darling!”- Joke shared by Beliefnet member ChevyLadyTeacher: "Can someone tell me
Teacher: "Can someone tell me what an 'operetta' is?"Student: "Easy. It's a woman who works for the phone company."
Diagnostic Machine
A man without medicare or medical insurance injured himself playing tennis and couldn't afford to go to the doctor. A friend of his told him there was a wonderful new diagnostic machine at the drugstore and suggested he try it out.
So the man went down to the drugstore and poured the required urine sample into the machine. The machine whirred and hummed for fifteen seconds and spit out a piece of paper. The piece of paper said: You have tennis elbow. Here's how to treat it...
The man treated his tennis elbow according to the directions and it improved immediately. He was very impressed with the diagnostic machine but decided he was going to find out just how good it was, and if it could be fooled.
So he gathered and mixed together his own urine sample, his wife's, and some of his dog's feces. Then for good measure he masturbated into the cup.
He took this mixture down to the drugstore and poured it into the machine. The machine then whirred and hummed for five minutes. Just when he was thinking he'd broken it, out came the diagnosis.
It said:
Your dog has worms.
Your wife is pregnant, but don't worry, it's not yours.
And if you don't quit jerking off, you're never going to get rid of that tennis elbow.
