Popular jokes (21406 to 21420)Jokes sorted by popularity on social networks. Popularity is sum of all all comments, likes, pluses, tweets, etc. is new measure, independant from rating with our star rating system. |
Is It?
If someone with multiple personalities threatens to commit suicide, is that considered a hostage crisis?#joke #short
“After manually rotat
“After manually rotating the heavy machinery, the worker grew very cranky.”
#joke #short
Jake is struggling through a b
Jake is struggling through a bus station with two huge and obviously heavy suitcases when a stranger walks up to him and asks, "Have you got the time?" Jake sighs, puts down the suitcases, and glances at his wrist. "It's a quarter to six," he says."Hey, that's a pretty fancy watch!" exclaims the stranger.
Jake brightens a little. "Yeah, it's not bad. Check this out" ...and he shows him a time zone display, not just for every time zone in the world, but for the 86 largest metropoli. He hits a few buttons and from somewhere on the watch a voice says, "The time is eleven 'til six" in a very West Texas accent. A few more buttons and the same voice says something in Japanese. Jake continues, "I've put in regional accents for each city. The display is unbelievably high quality and the voice is simply astounding."
The stranger is struck dumb with admiration. "That's not all," says Jake. He pushes a few more buttons and a tiny but very high-resolution map of New York City appears on the display. "The flashing dot shows our location by satellite positioning," explains Jake. "View recede ten", Jake says, "and the display changes to show eastern New York state.
"I want to buy this watch!" says the stranger.
"Oh, no, it's not ready for sale yet; I'm still working out the bugs," says the inventor.
"But look at this," and he proceeds to demonstrate that the watch is also a very creditable little FM radio receiver with a digital tuner, a sonar device that can measure distances up to 125 meters, a pager with thermal paper printout and, most impressive of all, the capacity for voice recordings of up to 300 standard-size books, "though I only have 32 of my favorites in there so far," says Jake.
"I've got to have this watch!" says the stranger.
"No, you don't understand; it's not ready!"
"I'll give you $1000 for it!"
"Oh, no, I've already spent more than..."
"I'll give you $5000 for it!"
"But it's just not..."
"I'll give you $15,000 for it!" as the stranger pulls out his checkbook.
Jake stops to think. He's only put about $8500 into materials and development, and with $15,000 he can make another one and have it ready for merchandising in six months.
The stranger frantically finishes writing the check and waves it in front of him. "Here it is, ready to hand to you right here and now. $15,000. Take it or leave it."
Jake abruptly makes his decision. "OK," he says, and peels off the watch. They make the exchange and the stranger starts happily away.
"Hey, wait a minute," calls Jake after the stranger, who turns around warily. Jake points to the two suitcases he'd been trying to wrestle through the bus station. "Don't forget your batteries."
#joke
Men are like a pack of Cards:<...
Men are like a pack of Cards:A "heart" to love them
A "diamond" to marry them
A "club" to smack them and
A "spade" to bury the body...
#joke #short
A World War II pilot is remini
A World War II pilot is reminiscing before school children about his flying days during the war."In 1942," he says, "the situation was really tough. The Germans had a very strong air force. I remember," he continues, "one day I was protecting the bombers and suddenly, out of the clouds, these fokkers appeared.
At this point, several of the children giggle.
I looked up, and right above me was one of them. I aimed at him and shot him down. They were swarming. I immediately realized that there was another fokker behind me."
At this instant the girls in the auditorium start to giggle and boys start to laugh. The teacher stands up and says, "I think I should point out that 'Fokker' was the name of the German-Dutch aircraft company."
"That's true," says the pilot, "but these fokkers were flying Messerschmidts."
#joke
There were two blondes going t...
There were two blondes going to California for the summer, they are about two hours into the flight and the pilot gets on the intercom and says we just lost an engine but it is all right we have three more but it will take us an hour longer.A half hour later he gets on the intercom again and says we just lost another engine but its all right we have two more it will take us another half hour though.
One of the blondes says, "If we lose the two last engines we will be up here all day"
#joke #blonde
“Seeing the cars, hou
“Seeing the cars, house and lifestyle of the pharmacy owner, friends and relatives accused him of ill-gotten wealth!”
#joke #short
After days of abdominal pain, ...
After days of abdominal pain, a man goes to the doctor for some tests. Returning a few weeks later he asks for the results. ‘Hmmm’ says the doctor, ‘I have some good news and some bad news.’‘I suppose I better have the good news first.’ Says the man.
‘Well,’ sighs the doctor.’We’re going to name a disease after you.’
#joke #doctor
Scary Collection 60
A witch joke
What do you get if you cross a witches cat with Father Christmas?
Santa Claws!
A witch joke
What do you call it when a witches cat falls off a broomstick?
A catastrophe!
A witch joke
Why are black cats such good singers?
They're very mewsical!
A wizard joke
Who did the wizard marry?
His ghoul-friend!
A wizard joke
Why did the wizard where red, white and blue braces?
To keep his trousers up!
A witch joke
Why is a witches face like a million dollars?
It's all green and wrinkly!
A witch joke
How do you make a witch itch?
Take away the "w"!
Hilarious jokes-Only child
Mum, teacher was asking me today if I have any brothers or sisters who will be coming to school."
"That's nice of her to take such an interest, dear. What did she say when you told her u are the only child?"
"She just said, 'Thank goodness!'"
"That's nice of her to take such an interest, dear. What did she say when you told her u are the only child?"
"She just said, 'Thank goodness!'"
#joke #short
The government wants to crimin
The government wants to criminalize fat jokes on the Internet. However, ISPs argue that this will take up too much banned width.#joke #short
A little old lady sold pretzel
A little old lady sold pretzels on a street corner. The price of a pretzel was 25 cents.Every day a young man would leave his office building at lunch time and, as he passed her pretzel stand, he would leave her a quarter, but would never take a pretzel.
This went on for more than five years. The two of them never spoke.
One day as the man passed the old ladies pretzel stand and left his quarter as usual, the pretzel woman spoke to him, "Sir, I appreciate your business. You are a good customer, but I have to tell you that the pretzel price has increased to 35 cents."
#joke #food #lunch
Funny jokes-Surprised in Hell
My 10-year old son asked me, "There are so many people in the world. When they die, is Heaven is going to fill up?"
I replied, "No, that's most unlikely. The number of people who will actually go there is much smaller than those who think they'll go there. Hell is full of people who are incredibly surprised."
I replied, "No, that's most unlikely. The number of people who will actually go there is much smaller than those who think they'll go there. Hell is full of people who are incredibly surprised."
#joke
Funny jokes-Tiresome
A Russian laborer was given a task to paint a white line right through the middle of the road. On the very first day he managed to paint three kilometers of the road. His employer was happy with him. The next day he could paint only three hundred meters. The boss thought the man was probably tired from the first day's hard work and let it go. The third day he painted only thirty meters. Now the boss was anxious and demanded an explanation.
The Russian said: “It's no mystery, boss. It's getting quite tiresome to walk all the way back to the paint bucket.”
The Russian said: “It's no mystery, boss. It's getting quite tiresome to walk all the way back to the paint bucket.”
#joke
“If crop circles are
“If crop circles are real, does this mean that aliens have designs for our planet?”
#joke #short
