Popular jokes (23251 to 23265)

You Really Don't Look Good

Ricky: You really don't look good.
Bob: I have a cold.
Ricky: My goodness, AND you have a cold too!

Having a Beer With Y

A man walks into a bar and orders three beers. He takes a drink out of one... sets it down. Takes a drink out of the second... sets it down. Takes a drink out of the third one... sets it down. -- and repeats this process until all three beers are gone. The man leaves.

On the same day the following week he is back and does the same thing with the three beers. This goes on for a month or two. The bartender is getting curious. The next time the man comes in, the bartender says, "I don't mean to be nosy, but why do you drink from three beers at one time?"

The man says, "When my two brothers and I lived close, we would go to the bar every week and have a beer together. Now we are all married and have moved far away. We all agreed that wherever we are, every week, we will each go to a local bar and have three beers to remember old times."

The bartender nods and goes on. The man finishes his three beers and leaves. A month later the man comes in and orders only two beers. He takes a drink from one... sets it down. Takes a drink from the second beer... sets it down, and repeats this process until the two beers are gone. This goes on for about a month and the bartender gets curious. The next time the man is in the bar, the bartender inquires, "I don't mean to be nosy, but what happened? Did one of your brothers pass away or something?"

The man says, "Oh, no, nothing like that. It's just that my wife said that I couldn't go to the bar and drink anymore... but she didn't say anything about my brothers."

Horsing Around

Two guys were walking past an outdoor basketball court.
"You want to play Horse?" asked one guy.
His friend replied, "Sure, I guess... but only if I get to be the front legs."

Try To Explain Yourself

While driving down the road the motorist saw a roadside stand which had a fortune teller sitting under an umbrella. She was just sitting there smiling and laughing. The motorist passed on by and went a couple of miles on down the road. All of a sudden he spun his car around and sped back toward the fortune teller. As he got closer to the still laughing fortune teller he began to slow down. He pulled up next to the woman and jumped out of his car and suddenly began slapping and beating her.
A policeman passing by screeched to a stop and wrestled the man to the ground. After cuffing the man he stood him up and asked him, "What do you think you're doing?"
After a moment the man replied, ... "Well, I've always wanted to strike a happy medium."

An Elderly Man Lived Alone

AN elderly man lived alone in the Irish countryside with only a pet dog for company. One day the dog died, and he went to the parish priest and asked if he would say a mass for his poor departed pet. The priest replied: "I'm afraid not; we cannot have services for an animal in the church. But there are some Baptists down the lane."
"I'll go right away Father," the man replied. "Do ya think $5000 is enough to donate to them for the service?"
"Sweet Mary, Mother of Jesus! Why didn't ya tell me the dog was Catholic?" the priest exclaimed.

New Investments

Looking for some new investments? .....you may want to consider the following before you invest:

The U.S. Treasury has just announced that it will sell three new types of bonds:

1. The Al Gore bond, which has no interest.

2. The Monica Lewinsky bond, which has no maturity And...

3. The Bill Clinton Bond, which has no principle.

Something That Made You Cry

A literature teacher is explaining the power of poems and stories. "Have you ever read something that made you cry?"
A student replied, "Yeah, my last report card."

“The serial killer wa

“The serial killer was cut-throat in his business dealings and that's why he always made a killing.”

A deaf mute walks into pharmac...

A deaf mute walks into pharmacy to buy condoms. He has difficulty communicating with the pharmacist, and cannot see condoms on the shelf. Frustrated, the deaf-mute finally unzips his pants, places his dick on the counter, and puts down a five dollar bill next to it.

The pharmacist unzips his pants, does the same as the deaf mute, and then picks up both bills and stuffs them in his pocket.

Exasperated, the deaf mute begins to curse the pharmacist wildly in sign language. "Look," the pharmacist says, "if you can't afford to lose, you shouldn't bet."

Through the pitch-black night,...

Through the pitch-black night, the captain sees a light dead ahead on a collision course with his ship. He sends a signal: “Change your course 10 degree east.”
The light signals back: “Change yours, 10 degrees west.”
Angry, the captain sends: “I’m a navy captain! Change your course, sir!”
“I’m a seaman, second class,” comes the reply. “Change your course, sir.”
Now the captain is furious. “I’m a battleship! I’m not changing course!”
There is one last reply. “I’m a lighthouse. Your call.”

Husband: I want divorce. My wi

Husband: I want divorce. My wife hasn't spoken to me in six months.
Lawyer: Think about it once again. Wives like that are hard to get!

Short funny jokes-Rebirth

The punster who crossed all bo

The punster who crossed all boundaries of decency and good taste was known as a comickaze.

The Password Is

I was in a couple’s home trying to fix their Internet connection. The husband called out to his wife in the other room for the computer password. “Start with a capital S, then 123,” she shouted back.
We tried S123 several times, but it didn’t work. So we called the wife in. As she input the password, she muttered, “I really don’t know what’s so difficult about typing Start123.”

My wife's off to Indonesia on ...

My wife's off to Indonesia on holiday
Jakarta?

No she went on a plane