Popular jokes (2416 to 2430)Jokes sorted by popularity on social networks. Popularity is sum of all all comments, likes, pluses, tweets, etc. is new measure, independant from rating with our star rating system. |
Finding someone you love
Finding someone you love and who loves you back is a wonderful, wonderful feeling. But finding a true soul mate is an even better feeling. A soul mate is someone who understands you like no other, loves you like no other, will be there for you forever, no matter what. They say that nothing lasts forever, but I am a firm believer in the fact that for some, love lives on even after we’re gone. #joke
We Call It An Opportunity
Man (to his boss): "Can we talk? I have a problem."
Boss: "Problem? No such thing, we call it an opportunity!"
Man: "Ok then, I have a serious drinking opportunity."
#joke #short
My wife lost her credit card...
"My wife lost her credit card," the man told his friend. "Have you informed the bank?"
"No, the thief is spending much less than she does!"
#joke #short
A blonde walks into a bank in...
A blonde walks into a bank in New York City and asks for the loan officer. She says she's going to Europe on business for two weeks and needs to borrow $5,000. The bank officer says the bank will need some kind of security for the loan, so the blonde hands over the keys to a new Rolls Royce. The car is parked on the street in front of the bank, she has the title and everything checks out. The bank agrees to accept the car as collateral for the loan.
The bank's president and its officers all enjoy a good laugh at the blonde for using a $250,000 Rolls as collateral against a $5,000 loan. An employee of the bank then proceeds to drive the Rolls into the bank's underground garage and parks it there.
Two weeks later, the blonde returns, repays the $5,000 and the interest, which comes to $15.41.
The loan officer says, "Miss, we are very happy to have had your business, and this transaction has worked out very nicely, but we are a little puzzled. While you were away, we checked you out and found that you are a multimillionaire. What puzzles us is, why would you bother to borrow $5,000?"
The blonde replies, "Where else in New York City can I park my car for two weeks for only $15.41 and expect it to be there when I return?"
#joke #blonde #policeman
At the doctor's office...
At the doctor's office.- What bothers you?
- I have a bad memory.
- Ok. What else?
- I have a very bad memory.
- What else?!
- And... I have a really bad memory.
- Yes, I understand that you have a bad memory! What else??
- And I have hearing problems.
- What else?
- What did you say?
- What else?!
- Say it again?
- What else?!
- Ah-ah! And I have a bad memory.
#joke #doctor
One day the first grade teache...
One day the first grade teacher was reading the story of the Three Little Pigs to her class. She came to the part of the story where the first pig was trying to accumulate the building materials for his home. She read,"...and so the pig went up to the man with the wheel barrow full of straw and said, "Pardon me sir, but may I have some of that straw to build my house?" The teacher paused then asked the class, "And what do you think that man said?"
One little boy raised his hand and said, "I think he said'Holy Sh*t! A talking pig!'"
The teacher was unable to teach for the next 10 minutes.
#joke #animal #pig
A man got really drunk one nig...
A man got really drunk one night in his local pub. The barman refused to serve him any more alcohol and told him he should be heading home. The man thought this was a good idea so he stood up to leave but fell over straight away. He tried to stand up again but only fell over again. He thought if only he could get outside and get some fresh air he'd be grand. So he crawled outside then tried to stand up and fell over again. In the end after falling over lots more he decided to crawl home. When he got back to his house he pulled himself up using the door handle but as soon as he let go he fell over again. He had to crawl up the stairs and managed to fall over onto the bed and fell asleep. When he finally woke up the next morning his wife asked him what he was doing at the pub last night. He denied it but she said, "I know you were there..." he maintained his innocence until "...the barman rang to say you forgot your wheelchair again...." #joke #drinks #alcohol
Dan Mintz: Science Project With Dad
When I was eight years old, I had to do a science project, but my dad just did it for me. I didnt contribute at all. I think the teacher kind of figured it out when the project was called, Is My Wife Cheating on Me? #joke #short
Question And Answer
Q: Did you hear about the Irishman who was tap dancing? A: He broke his ankle when he fell into the sink.
Q: What's Irish and sits outside in the summertime?
A: Paddy O'Furniture!
Q: What are the best ten years of an Irishman's life?
A: Third grade.
Q: How do you sink an Irish submarine?
A: Knock on the hatch.
Q: How can you identify an Irish pirate?
A: He's the one with patches over both eyes.
#joke
The Only Country
The United States is the only country where a housewife hires a woman to do her cleaning, so she can do volunteer work at the day care, where the cleaning woman leaves her child.
Go figure.
#joke #short
Betty, the town gossip and sel...
Betty, the town gossip and self-appointed supervisor of the town's morals, kept sticking her nose into other people's business.Most local residents were unappreciative of her activities, but feared her enough to maintain their silence. However, she made a mistake when she recently accused Ted, a local man, of being an alcoholic after she saw his pickup truck parked outside the town's only bar one afternoon.
Ted, a man of few words, stared at her for a moment and walked away. Later that evening, he parked his pickup truck in front of her house and left it there all night.
#joke
Why did the mermaid cross the sea?
It is International Mermaid Day!
Why did the mermaid cross the sea?
To get to the other tide.
#joke #short
