Popular jokes (24181 to 24195)Jokes sorted by popularity on social networks. Popularity is sum of all all comments, likes, pluses, tweets, etc. is new measure, independant from rating with our star rating system. |
Business one-liners 37
The crucial memorandum will be snared in the out-basket.The deadline is one week after the original deadline.
The deficiency will never show itself during the test run.
The dictionary is the only place where success comes before work.
The difference between a stepping stone and a stumbling block can be when you see it.
The difference between art and science is that if something works in art, you don't have to explain why.
The difficulty with a research grant is that if you solve the problem, you're out of a job.
The early bird who catches the worm usually works for someone who comes in late and owns the worm farm.
The early worm deserves the bird.
The easier it is to do, the harder it is to change.
#joke #animal #bird #worm
A woman reported the disappear
A woman reported the disappearance of her husband to the police. The officer looked at the guy's photograph, questioned her, and then asked if she wanted to give her husband any message if they found him."Yes, please," she replied. "Tell him Mother didn't come after all."
Lady goes to buy a pet. In the...
Lady goes to buy a pet. In the store, she sees a frog in a rosewood box and asks for the price."This frog is worth $4000, madam."
"WHAT? Why is it so expensive?"
"Well, you see, it specially trained to perform cunnilingus."
"I see... I'll take it."
So she takes the frog home, showers, puts on a silk gown, perfume, and opens the box on the bed. The frog doesn't perform; she calls the shop. I'll be right over, says the shop owner. Moments later, the shop owner sees the problem, and tells the frog, "ALL RIGHT NOW, look hard, it's the LAST TIME I'LL show you!
#joke #animal #frog #pet
Great To Be A Woman
Reason's why it's great to be a woman
- Free drinks.
- Free dinners.
- Free movies.
- Speeding ticket? What's that?
- New lipstick gives you a whole new lease on life.
- If you have to be home in time for Melrose Place, you can say so, out loud.
- If you're not making enough money you can blame the glass ceiling.
- You can sleep your way to the top.
- You can sue the President for sexual harassment.
- It's possible to live your whole life without ever taking a group shower.
- No fashion faux pas you make could rival The Speedo.
- Brad Pitt.
- No one passes out when you take off your shoes.
- Excitement is only as far away as the nearest beauty-supply store.
- If you forget to shave, no one has to know.
- If you're dumb, some people will find it cute.
- You have the ability to dress yourself.
- If you marry someone twenty years younger, you're aware that you look like an idiot.
- You'll never have to punch a hole through anything with your fist.
- You can quickly end any fight by crying.
- Your friends won't think you're weird if you ask whether there's spinach in your teeth.
- There are times when chocolate really Can solve all your problems.
- You've never had a goatee.
- You'll never regret piercing your ears.
- You can fully assess a person just by looking at their shoes.
- You know which glass was yours by the lipstick mark.
- You get to hate Kathie Lee in the way only another woman truly can.
I.R.S. Parking Tickets
The following is supposedly a true story. To be included, besides being true, the story is most likely strange, weird, surprising, or funny.
Boston Globe, April 13, 1990
Is there justice in this world? Well, in Jacksonville, Fla., an Internal Revenue Service car parked outside the federal courthouse was "booted" for unpaid parking tickets, forcing tax collectors to fork over $122.50 to set it free.
The IRS had to pay $95 for five tickets, a $25 removal fee plus $2.50 for processing to get the boot taken off, said Gertrude Bradley, clerical supervisor for the city parking division.
With the tax-filing deadline closing in, courthouse employees were chuckling about the IRS' misfortune. But the agency was not amused.
"We're not pleased with it," said spokesman Holger Euringer. Yeah, we're all really upset.
#joke
But Daddy...
My husband and I took our two-year-old daughter to the home-improvement store. Madison got tired of walking, so my husband let her ride on his shoulders. As he walked, Madison began pulling his hair. Although he asked her to stop several times, she kept on. Getting annoyed, he scolded, “Madison! Stop that!”
“But, Daddy,” she replied, “I'm just trying to get my gum back.”
#joke
“I shouldn't have plu...
“I shouldn't have plugged my iPhone into the PC at the kitchen. It's now in the sync.”
#joke #short
Wife asks husband, "How many w...
Wife asks husband, "How many women have you slept with?"Husband proudly replies, "Only you, Darling - With all the others, I was awake."
Hospital Visiting Hours are 10 am to 4 PM.
#joke #short
The Romans used devastating wo
The Romans used devastating wordplay against the Carthaginians, during the Punic Wars.#joke #short
What do bad Eskimos get in the
What do bad Eskimos get in their stockings for Xmas?#joke #short
Internet Highway Blues
The Information Highway Blues
My baby's got my 486.
My cellular phone's on the blink.
My fax's gone off to fax heaven,
And Pay For View stinks.
I got the blues, I got the Information Highway bluuuuues.
I got the bluuuuues, I got the Information Highway blues.
I lost my account on the Internet.
My email's been revoked.
My modem's stuck at 300 baud,
And my terminal just blinks.
I got the blues, I got the Information Highway bluuuuues .
I got the bluuuuues, I got the Information Highway blues.
My head spins from Virtual Reality.
I don't have Video on demand.
I can't read my Personal Newspaper,
And Shop At Home has kinks.
I missed the on-ramp, to the Information Highway bluuuues.
I missed the onnnn-ramp, to the Information Highway blues.
Jack "Blues" Jung, Toronto, September 1994.
#joke
