Popular jokes (24586 to 24600)Jokes sorted by popularity on social networks. Popularity is sum of all all comments, likes, pluses, tweets, etc. is new measure, independant from rating with our star rating system. |
Achievements of A Modern Man
A motivational speaker, while addressing his audience, talked about the various achievements man has made today.
He said, 'Today, man has built a ship to cross an ocean, fastest trains to travel across cities, and built planes to fly high in the skies like a bird...'
A gentleman from the audience interrupted, 'Any yet, a man still cannot sit on a barbed wire like a bird does!'
Dad's turn to feed the baby....
The first-time dad was taking a turn at feeding the baby some strained peas. Naturally, there were traces of the food all over the baby.
His wife comes in, looks at the infant, then at her husband, who is just staring off into space and says, "What in the world are you doing?"
He replied, "I'm just waiting for the first coat to dry, so I can put on another."
Hilarious jokes-Gas
$100,000
A very wealthy man, old and desperately ill, summons to his bedside his three closest advisors: his doctor, his priest, and his lawyer.I know, he says, they say 'you can't take it with you.' But who knows? Suppose they're mistaken. I'd like to have something with me, just in case. So I am giving each of you an envelope containing one hundred thousand dollars and I would be grateful if at my funeral you would put the envelopes in my coffin, so that if it turns out that it's useful, I'll have something.
They each agree to carry out his wish.
Sure enough, after just a few weeks, the old man passes away. At his funeral, each of the three advisors is seen slipping something into the coffin.
After the burial, as the three are walking away together, the doctor turns to the other two and says, -Friends, I have a confession to make. As you know, at the hospital we are desperate because of the cutbacks in funding. Our CAT SCAN machine broke down and we haven't be able to get a new one. So, I took $20,000 of our friend's money for a new CAT SCAN and put the rest in the coffin as he asked.
At this the priest says, I, too have a confession to make. As you know, our church is simply overwhelmed by the problem of the homeless. The needs keep increasing and we have nowhere to turn. So I took $50,000 from the envelope for our homeless fund and put the rest in the coffin as out friend requested.
Fixing the other two in his gaze, the lawyer says, I am astonished and deeply disappointed that you would treat so casually our solemn undertaking to our friend. I want you to know that I placed in his coffin my personal check for the full one hundred thousand dollars.
Holding It In
Q: What do you call someone who doesn't fart in public?
A: A private tooter.
Knock Knock Collection 095
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Iran!
Iran who?
Iran over here to tell you this!
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Irene!
Irene who?
Irene and Irene but still no one answers the door!
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Iris!
Iris who?
Iris you were here!
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Irma!
Irma who?
Irma big girl now!
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Isaac!
Isaac who?
Isaac'ly who do think this is?
Ready but not willing
A friend of mine is a deputy with the sheriff's department canine unit. One evening, the deputy was dispatched to the scene of a possible burglary, where he discovered the back door of a building ajar. He let the dog out his patrol car and commanded it to enter and seek.
Jumping from the back seat, the dog headed for the building. After lunging through the doorway, the dog froze and backed out. My friend was puzzled until he investigated further and saw the sign on the building: “Veterinarian's Office.”
A blonde was late for work so ...
A blonde was late for work so she hopped in her car, popped it in reverse and quickly rolled out of the driveway.She wasn't looking and she hit another car. And the man in the car jumped out all furious yelling at the blonde.
"OH MY GOD I CANT BELIEVE HOW STUPID YOU ARE! I'M GONNA MAKE SURE YOU NEVER DRIVE AGAIN!" Said that Man. "NOW YOU STAND ON THIS MAN-HOLE AND DONT MOVE UNTIL I TELL YOU!" He exclaimed.
SO she did and he went over to her car and started beating the crap out of it.
He was kicking dents in it and just going off and the girl started to laugh.
He looked over and she stopped and then he went to his car and grabbed a bat. He started bashing all the windows in and putting even bigger dents in the car.
The girl started laughing even harder this time. He looked over again and she stopped.
By now the man was pissed so he got some gas and put it all over the car and lit it up. The whole car bursted into flames and blew up.
By now the girl was on the ground busting up laughing. So the man goes over and says:
"What the hell is so funny?"
The girl replies with:
"I stepped off the man-hole 3 times and you didn't even see me!"
Funny jokes-Hillbilly
What's the difference between a good ol' boy and a hillbilly?The good ol' boy raises livestock. The hillbilly gets emotionally involved.
