Popular jokes (24586 to 24600)Jokes sorted by popularity on social networks. Popularity is sum of all all comments, likes, pluses, tweets, etc. is new measure, independant from rating with our star rating system. |
Cannibals rely on fossil fuels
Cannibals rely on fossil fuels, especially bit human.Party Bus #jokes #humor
There was a terrible bus accident. Unfortunately, no one survived the accident except a monkey which was on board and there were no witnesses. The police try to investigate further but they get no results. At last, they try to interrogate the monkey. The monkey seems to respond to their questions with gestures. Seeing that, they start asking the questions.The police chief asks: "What were the people doing on the bus?"
The monkey shakes his head in a condemning manner and starts dancing around; meaning the people were dancing and having fun.
The chief asks: "Yeah, but what else were they doing?".
The monkey uses his hand and takes it to his mouth as if holding a bottle.
The chief says: "Oh! They were drinking, huh?!" The chief continues, "Okay, were they doing anything else?"
The monkey nods his head and moves his mouth back and forth, meaning they were talking.
The chief loses his patience: "If they were having such a great time, who was driving the stupid bus then?"
The monkey cheerfully swings his arms to the sides as if grabbing a wheel.
Answering Service At The Mental Institute
"Hello, and welcome to the mental health hotline.Jennifer's wedding da
Jennifer's wedding day was fast approaching.
Nothing could dampen her excitement – not even her parent's nasty divorce.
Her mother had found the PERFECT dress to wear, and would be the best-dressed mother-of-the-bride ever!
A week later, Jennifer was horrified to learn that her father's new, young wife had bought the exact same dress as her mother!
Jennifer asked her father's new young wife to exchange it, but she refused.
“Absolutely not! I look like a million bucks in this dress, and I'm wearing it,” she replied.
Jennifer told her mother who graciously said, ”Never mind sweetheart.
I'll get another dress. After all, it's your special day.”
A few days later, they went shopping, and did find another gorgeous dress for her mother.
When they stopped for lunch, Jennifer asked her mother,
”Aren't you going to return the other dress?
You really don't have another occasion where you could wear it..”
Her mother just smiled and replied,
”Of course I do, dear…..I'm wearing it to the rehearsal dinner the night BEFORE the wedding.”
Is It Serious?
A man walks into his doctor and says "Doctor, doctor i have
a bit of an embarrising problem."
The doctor replies, "Okay, lets see it."
The man pulls down his pants and bends over to reveal a
lettuce leaf growing out his backside.
The man asks "Do you think it's serious?"
The doctor replies, "To tell you the truth it looks like
just the tip of the iceberg."
A mathematician, an accountant...
A mathematician, an accountant and an economist apply for the same job.The interviewer calls in the mathematician and asks "What do two plus two equal?" The mathematician replies "Four." The interviewer asks "Four, exactly?" The mathematician looks at the interviewer incredulously and says "Yes, four, exactly."
Then the interviewer calls in the accountant and asks the same question "What do two plus two equal?" The accountant says "On average, four - give or take ten percent, but on average, four."
Then the interviewer calls in the economist and poses the same question "What do two plus two equal?" The economist gets up, locks the door, closes the shade, sits down next to the interviewer and says; "What do you want it to equal?"
An atheist was walking through...
An atheist was walking through the woods one day, admiring all that evolution had created."What majestic trees! What a powerful river! What beautiful animals!", he said to himself.
As he was walking beside a river, he heard a rustling in the bushes. Turning to look, he saw an 8-foot grizzly bear beginning to charge toward him.
He ran as fast as he could down the path. He looked over his shoulder and saw that the bear was closing rapidly.
Somehow, he ran even faster, so scared that tears came to his eyes. He looked again and the bear was even closer. His heart pounding in his chest, he tried to run even faster.
But alas, he tripped and fell to the ground. As he rolled over to pick himself up, the bear was right over him, reaching for him with its left paw and raising its right paw to strike him.
"OH MY GOD! ..." Time stopped. The bear froze. The forest was silent. Even the river stopped moving ...
As a brilliant light shone upon the man, a thunderous voice came from all around, "You Deny My Existence For All These Years, Teach Others That I Do Not Exist; And Even Credit Creation To Some Cosmic Accident. Do You Expect Me To Help You Out Of This Predicament? Am I To Count You As A Believer???"
Difficult as it was, the atheist looked directly into the light and said, "It would be hypocritical to ask to be a Christian after all these years, but perhaps you could make the bear a Christian?"
"Very Well," said The Voice. The light went out. The river ran. The sounds of the forest resumed.
... and the bear dropped down on his knees, brought both paws together, bowed his head and spoke: "Lord, thank you for this food which I am about to receive"
magic mirror
There was a magic mirror at a bar and what ever you say it can't be a lie or you die. So a blonde, a red head, and a bernett walked in that bar. The red head walked up to the mirror and said im pretty so she didn't die, then the bernett walked up to the mirror and said im prettier and she didn't die and finally the blonde walked up to the mirror and sad I THINK and she diedA jeweler standing behind the ...
A jeweler standing behind the counter of his shop after hours was astounded to see a suspicious looking man in a black ski mask come hurling headfirst through the window."What on earth are you up to? What happened?!" the jeweler demanded.
"I'm terribly sorry," said the man, "I forgot to let go of the brick."
Groups of Americans were trave...
Groups of Americans were traveling by tour bus throughHolland. As they stopped at a cheese farm, a young guide led them
through the process of cheese making, explaining that goat's milk was
used. She showed the group a lovely hillside where many goats were
grazing. 'These' she explained, 'Are the older goats put out to pasture
when they no longer produce.' She then asked, 'What do you do in
America with your old goats?' A spry old gentleman answered, 'They send
us on bus tours!
King of Taxis? All hai
King of Taxis? All hail Uber!Funny jokes-Safe and sound
Husband: “Why, what's wrong?”
Wife: “A few persons were talking near our window that a dumb looking man got crushed under a car.”
