Popular jokes (2461 to 2475)Jokes sorted by popularity on social networks. Popularity is sum of all all comments, likes, pluses, tweets, etc. is new measure, independant from rating with our star rating system. |
Inside Joke
My mate recently got divorced from his wife.
They decided to split the house.
He got the outside.
Really funny jokes-Wiper blades
Unable to drive any further because of the ice building up on my front window I suddenly had a great idea. I stopped and began to overturn large rocks until I located two very lethargic hibernating rattle snakes. I grabbed them up, straightened them out flat and installed them on my blades and they worked just fine.
What! You've never heard of . . . wind chilled vipers?
April Fool's Day - Rig a ketchup bottle...
Rig a ketchup bottle to squirt string instead of ketchup. Hot dogs are ready, kids. Tee-hee!
A Texas cowboy went to the den...
A Texas cowboy went to the dentist with a toothache. After an exam, the dentist told the cowboy he had a tooth that had to come out."I'm going to give you a shot of Novocain," the dentist explained, "and I'll be back in just a few minutes."
The old cowboy grabbed the doc's arm and said, "No way! I hate needles and I ain't havin' no shot!"
The dentist said, "That's ok, we'll just go with gas instead."
The cowboy replied, "Gas makes me sick! I ain't havin' no gas either!"
Without saying a word, the dentist turned and left the room for a minute, and when he came back, he handed the cowboy a glass of water and said, "Here, take this pill."
The cowboy looked at the pill and asked, "What is it?"
The dentist replied, "It's Viagra."
The old cowboy looked surprised and asked, "Will that kill the pain?"
"No," replied the dentist, "but it'll give you something to hang on to while I pull that tooth."
Vacuum Cleaner Salesman
A little old lady answered a knock on the door one day, only to be confronted by a well-dressed young man carrying a vacuum cleaner. Good morning," said the young man. "If I could take a couple of minutes of your time, I would like to demonstrate the very latest in high-powered vacuum cleaners.
"Go away!" said the old lady. "I haven't got any money!" and she proceeded to close the door..
Quick as a flash, the young man wedged his foot in the door and pushed it wide open. "Don't be too hasty!" he said. "Not until you have at least seen my demonstration." And with that, he emptied a bucket of horse manure onto her hallway carpet. "If this vacuum cleaner does not remove all traces of this horse manure from your carpet, Madam, I will personally eat the remainder."
The old lady stepped back and said, "Well I hope you've got a damned good appetite, because they cut off my electricity this morning.."
Top 10 Reasons to Celebrate Easter
10. You absolutely love the movie, "The Ten Commandments."
9. You look really, really good in yellow.
8. You just went on a low cholesterol diet and didn't want to waste all those eggs in the fridge.
7. You figure any Holiday that starts with a "Good Friday" can't be all bad.
6. You love to bite the heads off chocolate bunnies.
5. It's a good time to check out your neighborhood church and not be noticed.
4. You have this bunny suit you love to wear, but are too insecure to wear it without a reason.
3. Even though you don't know what it is, you really like the sound of going to a "Passion Play."
2. You figured since Jesus went to all THAT trouble to make it to the first Easter, you'd give it a shot.
1. As a Christian you celebrate the resurrection every other day, why not Easter too?
From EasterHumor.com
Jessi Klein: Backhanded Compliment
Guys have said to me, You know, Jessi, part of what makes you so pretty is you have no idea how pretty you are. And then theyre just like, Enjoy. And Im like, That is not nice. That is like, at best, thats like a backhanded compliment. And at worst, thats just like a forehanded insult because I know that what that sentence really means is, Part of what makes you so pretty is that your self-esteem is so low, its easier for me to f**k you. 
The Crowded Store
It was the day of the big sale. Rumors of the sale (and some advertising in the local paper) were the main reason for the long line that formed by 8:30, the store's opening time, in front of the store.A small man pushed his way to the front of the line, only to be pushed back, amid loud and colorful curses. On the man's second attempt, he was punched square in the jaw, and knocked around a bit, and then thrown to the end of the line again. As he got up the second time, he said to the person at the end of the line...
"That does it! If they hit me one more time, I won't open the store!"
Few short jokes for quick laugh
I entered a palindrome contest.
I got top spot.
I recently tried to write a book on plants
It was too difficult.
I should have used paper.
4 years ago today I married my best friend…
My wife still hasn't forgiven me but me and Dave were drunk at the time and thought it was hilarious!
A bossy man goes into a bar.
He orders everyone a round.
No desire to do anything
I'm currently suffering from NDTDA : No desire to do anything syndrome! 
My mind is gone
"Oh God," sighed the wife one morning, "I'm convinced my mind is almost completely gone!"
Her husband looked up from the newspaper and commented, "I'm not surprised: You've been giving me a piece of it every day for twenty years!"
