Popular jokes (24766 to 24780)

Answering Machine Message 41

US National Anthem; Ronald Reagan voice: Uhh, hello... I'm, uhhh, ohhhhhh... (Pause.) Well, anyway, I'm here to answer the telephone on behalf of... erm... uhhhh... ermmm... (Pause.) I mean, he can't come to talk to you right now, but if you leave a message after the, umm oh, the uhhhh... the uhhhhhh... BEEP.

Explanation of Microsoft compu

Explanation of Microsoft computer messages
It says: "Press Any Key"
It means: "Press any key you like but I'm not moving."
It says: "Press A Key"
(This one's a programmers joke. Nothing happens unless you press the "A" key.)
It says: "Fatal Error. Please contact technical support quoting error
no. 1A4-2546512430E" It means: "... where you will be kept on hold for 10 minutes, only to be told that it's a hardware problem."
It says: "Installing program to C:\\...."
It means: "... And I'll also be writing a few files into c:\\windows and c:\\windows\\system where you'll NEVER find them."
It says: "Please insert disk 11"
It means: "Because I know darn well there are only 10 disks."
It says: "Not enough memory"
It means: "I don't CARE if you've got 64MB of RAM, I want to use the bit below 640K."
It says: "Cannot read from drive D:...."
It means: "... However, if you put the CD in correct side up..."
It says: "Please Wait...."
It means: "... Indefinitely."
It says: "Directory does not exist...."
It means: ".... any more. Whoops."
It says: "The application caused an error. Choose Ignore or Close."
It means: ".... Makes no difference to me, you're still not getting your work back."

Sinbad: Lying to Women

You keep asking me questions that you know I have to lie at. Do I look fat? Nah, no. If you wasnt fat, you wouldnt have asked. Thats why you asked the question. Skinny people dont say, Do I look fat? Skinny people say, Do you want to eat? Would you like to have a sandwich?

Are mannaquins bread Are mannaquins bread for show?

#joke #short #food #bread

“I am really getting

“I am really getting tired of sleeping jokes!”

White hair

One day a little girl was sitting and watching her mother do the dishes at the kitchen sink. She suddenly noticed that her mother had several strands of white hair sticking out in contrast on her brunette head.
She looked at her mother and inquisitively asked, "Why are some of your hairs white, Mom?"
Her mother replied, "Well, every time that you do something wrong and make me cry or unhappy, one of my hairs turns white."

The little girl thought about this revelation for a while and then said, "Momma, how come ALL of grandma's hairs are white?"

A Recently Spotted Bumper Sticker:

"Where will you spend eternity: Smoking or Non-Smoking?"

A Recently Spotted Bumper Sticker:

"God is dead."
--Neitzche
"Neitzche is dead."
--God

How many mystery writers does

How many mystery writers does it take to change a light bulb?
Two, one to put it almost all the way in and the other to give it a surprising twist at the end.

Q: What did the boy ghost say ...

Q: What did the boy ghost say to the girl ghost after he saw her all dressed up for Halloween?


A: You look boo-tiful!

“The hungry gophers e

“The hungry gophers each ate on a different route to the tree trunk.”

Yo momma so short she poses fo...

Yo momma so short she poses for trophies.

Have you been drinking?

A policeman pulls a man over for speeding and asks him to get out of the car. After looking the man over he says, "Sir, I couldn't help but notice your eyes are bloodshot. Have you been drinking?"

The man gets really indignant and says, "Officer, I couldn't help but notice your eyes are glazed. Have you been eating doughnuts?"

A man goes to the doctor to fi

A man goes to the doctor to find out about his recent tests.
"It's real bad, I'm afraid", says the doc, "you've got a disease so new that it hasn't even got a name yet - we just call it 'Blue 56'. The only certain thing is that you don't have much more than three days to live."
Naturally the guy is devastated, and goes into a big depression. His girlfriend suggests they go to a casino to cheer him up just a bit till the end comes. So he goes reluctantly.
As he walks into the Casino, he's the millionth customer and wins a brand new Rolls Royce.
Then he pulls the handle of a slot machine as he passes, and wins the golden jackpot of £7 million.
He sits down for a rest at the Blackjack table and wins £100,000 - straight 21's and he can't even be bothered to turn the cards.
Weighed down with money, he throws it onto the nearest table. But it's the roulette wheel and the money is on 22 - which promptly comes up!
"Jeez," says the croupier, "I never seen luck like that in my whole life!"
"No, you don't understand," says the guy, "I've got blue 56..."
"Woahhhh! Now you've also won todays raffle!!"

The latest poll taken by the o

The latest poll taken by the office of the Governor of Texas asked whether people who live in Texas think illegal immigration is a serious problem:
30% of respondents answered: "Yes, it is a serious problem."
70% of respondents answered: "No es una problema serio. "