Popular jokes (24916 to 24930)Jokes sorted by popularity on social networks. Popularity is sum of all all comments, likes, pluses, tweets, etc. is new measure, independant from rating with our star rating system. |
Always With the Jewish Jokes!
Right away, Yossi interrupts him. "Always with the Jewish jokes! Give it a rest! Why do your jokes always have to be about Jews? Just change the names to another ethnic group for once will you David!"So David starts again, "Hashimoto and Suzuki were talking one day at their nephew's Bar Mitzvah..."
#joke #short
“Having rumpled cloth
“Having rumpled clothing is a pressing issue, but I am sure that I can iron out a solution.”
#joke #short
I've never understood why wom
I've never understood why women love cats. Cats are independent, they don't listen, they don't come in when you call, they like to stay out all night, and when they're home they like to be left alone and sleep.In other words, every quality that women hate in a man, they love in a cat.
Noah in America
In the year 2005, the Lord came unto Noah, who was now living in the United States, and said, "Once again the earth has become wicked and overpopulated, and I see the end of all flesh before me. Build another Ark and save 2 of every living thing along with a few good humans, thy sons and their wives."He gave Noah the blueprints, saying, "You have 6 months to build the Ark before I will start the unending rain for 40 days and 40 nights."
Six months later, the Lord looked down and saw Noah weeping in his yard -- but no Ark.
"Noah!" He roared, "I'm about to start the rain! Where is the Ark?"
"Forgive me, Lord," begged Noah, "but things have changed.
"I needed a building permit. I've been arguing with the inspector about the need for a sprinkler system. My neighbors claim that I've violated the neighborhood zoning laws by building the Ark in my yard and exceeding the height limitations. We had to go to the Development Appeal Board for a decision.
"Then the Department of Transportation demanded a bond be posted for the future costs of moving power lines and other overhead obstructions, to clear the passage for the Ark's move to the sea. I told them that the sea would be coming to us, but they would hear nothing of it.
"Getting the wood was another problem. There's a ban on cutting local trees in order to save the spotted owl. I tried to convince the environmentaliststhat I needed the wood to save the owls -- but no go!
"When I started gathering the animals, I got sued by an animal rights group. They insisted that I was confining wild animals against their will. They argued the accommodation was too restrictive, and it was cruel and inhumane to put so many animals in a confined space. I am required to apply for 834 different licenses to keep wild beasts on private property.
"Then the EPA ruled that I couldn't build the Ark until they'd conducted an environmental impact study on Your proposed flood. Further, the pitch to water-poof the ark has been banned by the EPA as inimical to the environment.
"I'm still trying to resolve a complaint with the Human Rights Commission on how many minorities I'm supposed to hire for my building crew.
"Immigration and Naturalization is checking the green-card status of most of the people who want to work. The scaffolding to build the superstructure is not OSHA-approved and is forbidden to use except for private structures less than 5 cubits..
"The trades unions say I can't use my sons. They insist I have to hire only Union workers with Ark-building experience.
"To make matters worse, the IRS seized all my assets, claiming I'm trying to leave the country illegally with endangered species.
"So, forgive me, Lord, but it would take at least 100 years for me to finish this Ark."
Suddenly the skies cleared, the sun began to shine, and a rainbow stretched across the sky. Noah looked up in wonder and asked, "You mean You're not going to destroy the world?".
"No," said the Lord. "The government beat me to it."
#joke #animal #owl
Knock Knock Collection 046
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Dennis!
Dennis who?
Dennis says I need to have a tooth out!
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Denise!
Denise who?
Denise are above your ankles!
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Denver!
Denver who?
Denver the good old days!
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Desi!
Desi who?
Desi'gnated hitter!
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Desiree!
Desiree who?
Desiree a ray of sunshine in my life...!
#joke
Why didn't the skeleton cross ...
Why didn't the skeleton cross the road?He didn't have the guts
Tony White, Loanhead
If you have a joke you would like to share with us e-mail: letters_en@edinburghnews .com
Tony White, Loanhead
If you have a joke you would like to share with us e-mail: letters_en@edinburghnews .com
The full article contains 37 words and appears in Edinburgh Evening News newspaper.
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- #joke #short
