Popular jokes (24916 to 24930)Jokes sorted by popularity on social networks. Popularity is sum of all all comments, likes, pluses, tweets, etc. is new measure, independant from rating with our star rating system. |
Too Much Speeding #joke #humor
A police officer in a small town stopped a motorist who was speeding down Main Street."But, officer," the man began, "I can explain"
"Just be quiet," snapped the officer. "I'm going to let you cool your heels in jail until the chief gets back."
"But, officer, I just wanted to say"
"And I said to keep quiet! You're going to jail!"
A few hours later the officer looked in on his prisoner and said, "Lucky for you that the chief's at his daughter's wedding. He'll be in a good mood when he gets back."
"Don't count on it," answered the fellow in the cell. "I'm the groom."
A Collection Of Insults
Even your best friend cheats on you and lies to you, and that's the best friend you can get.
I don't think you are a fool. But then, what's my own humble opinion against thousands of others?
Nobody says that you are dumb. They just say you were sixteen years old before you learned how to wave goodbye.
People say that you are the perfect idiot. I say that you are not perfect, but you are doing alright.
Ordinarily people live and learn. You just live.
The mind reader had a very busy day today reading minds. You were a vacation for him.
I thought of you all day today when I was at the zoo.
When you talk, other people get hoarse just listening.
I would say that you are barking up the wrong tree, but that is your natural voice.
I reprimanded my brother for mimicking you. I told him not to act like a fool.
I'm very careful of how I express my opinions of you because I want to put as much vituperation in them as possible.
I don't hold your behavior against you because I realize it was caused by childhood trauma; your parents spanked you when you fell on your head and broke the cement.
"What can you say about my lat...
"What can you say about my latest poem? I value your opinion, you know." "Frankly, it's worthless." "I know, but I'd like to hear it all the same."
My failure to succeed in the w
My failure to succeed in the water vapour business was a mist stopper tunity.A man left work one Frid...
A man left work one Friday afternoon. Being pay day, instead of going home he stayed out the entire weekend hunting with the boys and spent his entire pay cheque.
When he finally appeared at home, Sunday night, he was confronted by a very angry wife and was harangued for nearly two hours with a tirade befitting his actions.
Finally, his wife stopped the nagging and simply said to him, "How would you like it if you didn't see me for two or three days?"
To which he replied, "That would be fine with me."
Monday went by and he didn't see his wife.
Tuesday and Wednesday came and went with the same results.
Thursday, the swelling went down just enough where he could see her a little out of the corner of his left eye.
I.R.S. Parking Tickets
The following is supposedly a true story. To be included, besides being true, the story is most likely strange, weird, surprising, or funny.
Boston Globe, April 13, 1990
Is there justice in this world? Well, in Jacksonville, Fla., an Internal Revenue Service car parked outside the federal courthouse was "booted" for unpaid parking tickets, forcing tax collectors to fork over $122.50 to set it free.
The IRS had to pay $95 for five tickets, a $25 removal fee plus $2.50 for processing to get the boot taken off, said Gertrude Bradley, clerical supervisor for the city parking division.
With the tax-filing deadline closing in, courthouse employees were chuckling about the IRS' misfortune. But the agency was not amused.
"We're not pleased with it," said spokesman Holger Euringer. Yeah, we're all really upset.
Golfing
Jesus, Moses, and an old man were playing golf one day.Jesus stepped up to the tee, swung, but caught a real bad slice and the ball caught hard left straight into the pond.
"No problem!" he said, and then made the ball rise so he could walk out on the pond, and chip it right onto the green.
"Not bad, young fella!" Said Moses. But he suffered the same fate dropping the ball into the pond.
Stepping to the edge, he parted the water, stepped in and chipped it onto the green.
Finally the old man steps up. not quite certain on how the game was played, tees off.
The ball also caught hard to the left, and straight to the pond.
Before the ball hit, a fish dove out and ate it, but before entering the water again, a bird swoops down and eats the fish.
Flying over the green, the bird coughs up the fish, when the fish hit the green, the ball popped out, onto the green and rolled right into the cup!
"Hooray!!! A hole in one!!!" Cried the old man.
Then Jesus steps up and says, "Dad! stop messing around, and play golf!"
Submitted by Curtis
Edited by Calamjo
One day, shortly after having ...
One day, shortly after having her 9th baby, the good Irish lady ran into her parish priest.He congratulated her on the new offspring then said, "Isn't having nine babies a little much?"
"Well," she said, "I don't know why I get pregnant so often, it must be something in the air."
"Yes," said the priest, "your legs!"
What do bad Eskimos get in the
What do bad Eskimos get in their stockings for Xmas?Looking over the log book kept...
Looking over the log book kept by the computer support staff at my office, I noticed several entries stating the problem was PICNIC.I asked one of the technicians what PICNIC meant.
He laughed as he told me it meant "Problem In Chair, Not In Computer."
