Popular jokes (25471 to 25485)Jokes sorted by popularity on social networks. Popularity is sum of all all comments, likes, pluses, tweets, etc. is new measure, independant from rating with our star rating system. |
A Recently Spotted Bumper Sticker:
"If you were made in God's image, how did you get to be so ugly?"
Late Blonde
"How come you're late?" asked the bartender, as the blonde waitress walked into the bar."It was awful," she explained. "I was walking down Elm street and there was a terrible accident. A man was thrown from his car and he was lying in the middle of the street. His leg was broken, his skull was fractured, and there was blood everywhere. Thank God I took that first-aid course.
"What did you do?" asked the bartender.
"I sat down and put my head between my knees to keep from fainting!"
The workman was hanging a sigh...
The workman was hanging a sigh outside of Congress. It read, “Solicitors, fakers and grafters will not be permitted in the House.”Just then a senator happened by. “Better strike out grafters,” he said, “or we’ll never be able to raise a quorum.”
His girlfriend had just learne...
His girlfriend had just learned to drive the car and now they were out in the suburbs racking along over seventy. “Doesn’t speeding over the beautiful country make you glad you are alive?” she asked.“Glad?” He raised an eyebrow. “Glad in not the word for it. I’m amazed.”
Rollin Down
The better part of you must have rolled down your daddy's leg.Too Much Speeding #joke #humor
A police officer in a small town stopped a motorist who was speeding down Main Street."But, officer," the man began, "I can explain"
"Just be quiet," snapped the officer. "I'm going to let you cool your heels in jail until the chief gets back."
"But, officer, I just wanted to say"
"And I said to keep quiet! You're going to jail!"
A few hours later the officer looked in on his prisoner and said, "Lucky for you that the chief's at his daughter's wedding. He'll be in a good mood when he gets back."
"Don't count on it," answered the fellow in the cell. "I'm the groom."
Twenty-one reasons why Engl...
Twenty-one reasons why English is hard to learn.- The bandage was wound around the wound.
- The farm was used to produce produce.
- The dump was so full it had to refuse more refuse.
- We must polish the Polish furniture.
- He could lead if he would get the lead out.
- The soldier decided to desert his dessert in the desert.
- Since there was no time like the present, he thought it was time to present the present.
- A bass was painted on the head of the bass drum.
- When shot at, the dove dove into the bushes.
- I did not object to the object.
- The insurance was invalid for the invalid.
- There was a row among the oarsmen on how to row.
- They were too close to the door to close it.
- The buck does funny things when does are present.
- A seamstress and a sewer fell down into a sewer line.
- To help with planting, the farmer taught his sow to sow.
- The wind was too strong to wind the sail.
- After a number of injections my jaw got number.
- Upon seeing the tear in the painting I shed a tear.
- I had to subject the subject to a series of tests.
- How can I intimate this to my most intimate friend?
Dave Nystrom: Tougher Generation
You look at our grandparents generation, and theyre a much tougher people than us. My grandfather went through the war, the Depression. He came back from the war. He built his house brick-by-brick with his own hands, went and worked at a mill for 40 years after that. I built a bong out of an apple once. I bragged for like six months.The minister's little six-yea
The minister's little six-year-old girl had been so naughty during the week that her mother decided to give her the worst kind of punishment. She told her she couldn't go to the Sunday School Picnic on Saturday.When the day came, her mother felt she had been too harsh and changed her mind. When she told the little girl she could go to the picnic, the child's reaction was one of gloom and unhappiness.
"What's the matter? I thought you'd be glad to go to the picnic," her mother said.
"It's too late!" the little girl said. "I've already prayed for rain."
Grass Eater
A man was riding in the back of his limousine when he saw a man eating grass by the roadside. He ordered his driver to stop and he got out to investigate."Why are you eating grass?" he asked the man.
"I don't have any money for food," the poor man replied.
"Oh, please come to my house!"
"But sir, I have a wife and four children..."
"Bring them along!" the rich man said.
They all climbed into the limo. Once underway, the poor fellow said, "Sir, you are too kind. Thank you for taking all of us in."
The rich man replied, "No, you don't understand. The grass at my house is over three feet tall!"
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