Popular jokes (25591 to 25605)Jokes sorted by popularity on social networks. Popularity is sum of all all comments, likes, pluses, tweets, etc. is new measure, independant from rating with our star rating system. |
boob suckin gal
One day i came home from work, when i got through gate my dog came up to me and was filled with excitment.then started to hump my leg.there was a red thing that shot out and it was down below near theese two round things.the next day i went to the vet and asked what that red thing was,the doctor said "thats his weiner" he replied.then my dog started humpin the vets arm and this thing was flopin up and down like crazy.The elevator...
An Amish boy and his father were visiting a mall. They were amazed by almost everything they saw, especially two shiny walls that could move apart, and back together again.
The boy asked his father, "What is this father?"
The father (having never seen an elevator) responded, "Son, I have never seen anything like this in my life, I don't know what it is."
While the boy and his father were watching wide-eyed, an old lady, limping slightly, and with a cane, slowly walks up to the moving walls, and presses a button. The walls opened, and the lady walks between them, into a small room. The walls closed.
The boy and his father watched as small circles of lights with numbers above the wall light up. They continued to watch the circles light up, in reverse direction now. The walls opened up again, and a beautiful young blonde stepped out...
The father said to his son, "GO GET YOUR MOTHER!!!"
Real News Headlines 05
These are actual newspaper headlines gathered from papers across the country.
Typhoon Rips Through Cemetery; Hundreds Dead
Man Struck by Lightning Faces Battery Charge
New Study of Obesity Looks for Larger Test Group
Astronaut Takes Blame for Gas in Spacecraft
Kids Make Nutritious Snacks
Chef Throws His Heart into Helping Feed Needy
Arson Suspect is Held in Massachusetts Fire
British Union Finds Dwarfs in Short Supply
Ban On Soliciting Dead in Trotwood
Hospitals are Sued by 7 Foot Doctors
It takes Chuck Norris 20 minut...
It takes Chuck Norris 20 minutes to watch 60 Minutes.10 things not to say
Ten Things Not To Say To Your New Girlfriend's Parents.1. My parole officer thinks Sara has a calming effect on me.
2. Did you see that saucer that flew over town yesterday?
3. Which one of you taught Sara to give such great head?
4. Can you believe it! Those shitheads at the corner market won't cash my welfare check!
5. We're going to keep our relationship quiet for now. My wife can be rather vindictive at times.
6. Those home pregnancy kits aren't very reliable, in my opinion.
7. Sara is so pretty I've decided to give up being bisexual just for her.
8. Nice place you got here. That painting looks expensive. I bet a nice home like this came with a safe already built in, didn't it?
9. There ain't nothing that beats that great feeling of knowing your HIV test results are negative! I bet Sara's will be okay too.
10. Can I pull my car in your garage? I'm not sure how long that cop car will stay lost.
Submitted by Curtis
Edited by BreeBrown
What did the digital clock say...
What did the digital clock say to the analogue clock?Look, no hands!
A man came home and was greete...
A man came home and was greeted by his wife dressed in a very sexy nightie. 'Tie me up,' she purred, 'and you can do anything you want.'So he tied her up and went golfing.
Did I say he was dead?
A 60-year-old man went to a doctor for a check-up. The doctor told him, "You're in terrific shape. There's nothing wrong with you. Why, you might live forever; you have the body of a 35-year-old. By the way, how old was your father when he died?"
The 60-year-old responded, "Did I say he was dead?"
The doctor was surprised and asked, "How old is he and is he very active?"
The 60-year-old responded, "Well, he is 82 years old and he still goes skiing three times a season and surfing three times a week during the summer."
The doctor couldn't believe it! So he said, "Well, how old was your grandfather when he died?"
The 60-year-old responded again, "Did I say he was dead?"
The doctor was astonished. He said, "You mean to tell me you are 60 years old and both your father and your grandfather are alive? Is your grandfather very active?"
The 60-year-old said, "He goes skiing at least once a season and surfing once a week during the summer. Not only that," said the patient, "my grandfather is 106 years old, and next week he is getting married again."
The doctor said, "At 106 years why on earth would your grandfather want to get married?"
His patient looked up at the doctor and said, "Did I say he wanted to?"
A: I'm in a big trouble!
A: I'm in a big trouble!B: Why is that?
A: I saw a mouse in my house!
B: Oh, well, all you need to do is use a trap.
A: I don't have one.
B: Well then, buy one.
A: Can't afford one.
B: I can give you mine if you want.
A: That sounds good.
B: All you need to do is just use some cheese in order to make the mouse come to the trap.
A: I don't have any cheese.
B: Okay then, take a piece of bread and put a bit of oil in it and put it in the trap.
A: I don't have oil.
B: Well, then put only a small piece of bread.
A: I don't have bread.
B: Then what is the mouse doing at your house?!
Recently moved to a new city, ...
Recently moved to a new city, I was eager to meet people. So one day I struck up a conversation with the only other woman in the gym. Pointing to two men playing racquetball in a nearby court, I said to her, "There's my husband." Then I added, "The thin one--not the fat one."After a slightly uncomfortable silence she replied, "And that's my husband - the fat one."
After the nuclear accident, th...
After the nuclear accident, the ground seemed to glow, almost as if it had its own floor essence.What's your name?
Michael Jackson, late for court again today, you know, because of his bad back.
Well, you'd have a bad back too if every conversation you had in your life involved having to bend over and ask, "What's your name?" --Jay Leno
