Popular jokes (25591 to 25605)

Anniversary Flowers

A sad-faced Doug walked into a flower shop early one morning.

The clerk was ready to take his order for a funeral piece, based on the look on Doug's face, but soon realized his assumption was wrong as Doug asked for a basket of flowers sent to his wife for their anniversary.

"And what day will that be?" the clerk asked.

Glumly he replied, "Yesterday".

A juggler, driving to his next...

A juggler, driving to his next performance, is stopped by the police.
“What are those knives doing in your car? Asked the officer.
“I use them in my juggling act,” says the juggler.
“Oh yeah?” “Let’s see you do it.” Says the policeman.
So the man starts tossing and juggling the knives.
A guy driving by sees this and says, “Wow, am I glad I stopped
Drinking. Look at the test they’re making you do now!”

Gabriel Iglesias: Landing in Phoenix

I got off the plane -- I was walking and cooking at the same time.

Q: What do ac...

Q: What do accountants suffer from that ordinary people don't?
A: Depreciation.

The Watch

Little Johnny sees that his friend at school has a new watch so he asks him how he got it.
"I waited until I heard the bedsprings squeaking in my folk's bedroom and then I ran in. My father gave me a watch to get rid of me.", replied the little friend.
Little Johnny, thinking that this was a cool idea waited that night until he heard the bedsprings squeaking rhythmically and then ran into his folk's bedroom.
"What do you want!", asked the father gruffly.
"I want a watch!", said Johnny.

"Well sit down and shut up!", replied the father.

Joke of the Day, posted everyday on getfrank.co.nz - Click to see the past weeks worth right here...

Q: What does a man think forep...

Q: What does a man think foreplay is?

A1: It's something that you do on the golf course.
A2: It's something that occurs 2 minutes before having sex.

“I love hot dogs. Doe

“I love hot dogs. Does that make me a frankophile?”

Address me as...

The manager of a large office noticed a new man one day and told him to come into his office. “What is your name?” was the first thing the manager asked the new guy.

“John,” the new guy replied.

The manager scowled, “Look, I don't know what kind of a namby-pamby place you worked at before, but I don't call anyone by his first name. It breeds familiarity and that leads to a breakdown in authority. I refer to my employees by their last name only – Smith, Jones, Baker – that's all. I am to be referred to only as Mr. Robertson. Now that we got that straight, what is your last name?”

The new guy sighed and said, “Darling. My name is John Darling.”

“Okay, John, the next thing I want to tell you is…”

Rollin Down

The better part of you must have rolled down your daddy's leg.

Yo mama's so fat when I pictu

Yo mama's so fat when I pictured her in my head she broke my neck.

The Boss and the wife...

A guy leaves the bar, hoping he can get home early enough not to upset his wife for drinking after work. He gets home and finds his boss in bed with his wife.

Later, back at the bar, the guy tells the bartender the story,

"Wow, that's awful, what did you do?"

"Well, I carefully snuck back out the door, and hitailed it back here! Shoot, they we're just getting started, so I figure, I got time for a couple more beers."

You Have A Boring Job

The Top Signs That You Have A Boring Job

1. You're introduced to everyone as "The Minesweeper God".
   
2. You have visited every website in the world.
   
3. You're the Spelling Bee Coordinator in rural Alabama.
   
4. You are the only one that is ready for the rush of ticket sales for that New Kids on the Block reunion tour.
   
5. You're able to pull staples out of papers with your teeth.
   
6. Your doctor says that he's never seen someone exposed to so much photocopier radiation in his life.
   
7. You've seen the late night commercial for the Chia Dildo.
   
8. Your workload is so intense that you can write Top 10 lists all day long.
   
9. In your 10 years on the force as an Amish Traffic Cop, you have not had to write one single speeding ticket.
   

Hard Working Penny

Penny was a hard working, conscientious girl, who lived on her own. Her dream in life was to go on an ocean cruise around the world. So she scrimped, and she saved, and she saved, and she scrimped until finally, one day, she had enough money to go on her ocean cruise. She booked passage on a cruise liner - first class all the way... The cruise started off in a grandiose scale, dancing and parties every night. But Penny was a cautious girl, so she never drank, but just danced the night away.
One night, after they had been at sea for a week, Penny was walking back to her cabin, when the heel on her left shoe broke throwing her off balance. If that wasn't enough, the ship chose that moment to tilt to the left. As a result, Penny was thrown overboard. A hue and a cry were immediately raised, and after about five minutes they found Penny. Hauling her aboard, the ship's crew realized that it was too late, poor Penny was dead.
Normally, they would have done a burial at sea, but as I said before, Penny was a very conscientious girl, and had written a will. In it, she specified that she wished for her body to be cremated, and kept in a jar on her parent's fireplace mantel. Her wishes were fulfilled, which just goes to show you that a Penny saved is a Penny urned.

Praise the Almighty

Glad Wrap at the therapists

A man walks into a therapist's with just Glad wrap around his waist;

Therapist says, "I can clearly see you're nuts"

... Dad's joke.