Popular jokes (25981 to 25995)

Pharmaceuticals is a v

Pharmaceuticals is a vial industry.

Men are Like . . .

Men are like . . . Bananas

The older they get, the less firm they are.

Men are like . . . Cement

After getting laid, they take a long time to get hard.

Men are like . . . Coffee.

The best ones are rich, warm and keep you up all night

long.

Men are like . . . High Heels.

They're easy to walk on once you get the hang of it.

Farmer Joe decided his injurie

Farmer Joe decided his injuries from his recent accident were serious enough to take the trucking company responsible for the accident to court. In court, the trucking company's fancy lawyer was questioning farmer Joe.
"Didn't you say, at the scene of the accident, that you were fine?"
''Well, I'll tell you what happened. I had just loaded my favorite mule Bessie into the--"
''I didn't ask for any details,'' the lawyer interrupted. ''Just answer the question. Did you not say, at the scene of the accident, that you were fine?"
''Well I had just got Bessie into the trailer and was driving down the road--''
''Judge, I am trying to establish the fact that, at the scene of the accident, this man told the Highway Patrolman on the scene that he was just fine. Now several weeks after the accident he is trying to sue my client. I believe he is a fraud. Please tell him to simply answer the question.''
By this time the Judge was fairly interested in Farmer Joe's answer and told the lawyer so.
''Well," said the farmer, "as I was saying, I had just loaded Bessie, my favorite mule, into the trailer and was driving her down the highway when this huge semi-truck and trailer ran the stop sign and smacked my truck right in the side. I was thrown into one ditch and Bessie was thrown into the other. I was hurting real bad and didn't want to move. However, I could hear ol' Bessie moaning and groaning. I knew she was in terrible shape just by her groans. Shortly after the accident a Highway Patrolman came on the scene. He could hear Bessie moaning and groaning so he went over to her. After he looked at her he took out his gun and shot her between the eyes. Then the Patrolman came across the road with his gun in his hand and looked at me. He said, 'Your mule was in such bad shape I had to shoot her. How are you feeling?'"

Christian Finnegan: Trivial Pursuit

You know what Im great at? Trivial Pursuit. What good is that gonna do you in life? It has the word trivial in the name. The game is basically telling you that you pursue trivial things. Trivial -- as in not important. Trivial -- as in maybe you shouldve gone to grad school.

My cow sneezed, so I swore at ...

My cow sneezed, so I swore at it. There was so much moo cuss.

Matt Braunger: Demand for Strippers

Theres no demand for male strippers. No womans like, Lets go see male strippers tonight. Its like a fun thing. Theres always a demand for female strippers. Cause theres always this guy, just like, Ugh, Ive had the worst day, man. Just want a beer in my hand and some tits in my face. Blah. Im gross. No woman has ever said, Ive had the worst day. I just want a glass of wine in my hand and a set of c**k and balls banging against my face and head. Thats all I want.

Pete and Gladys were looking a

Pete and Gladys were looking at a new living room suite in the furniture store.
Pete says to the salesman, "We really like it, but I don't think we can afford it."
The salesman says, "You just make a small down payment ... then you don't make another payment for six months."
Gladys wheeled around with her hands on her hips and says, "Who told you about us?"

Speedy delivery

I took a package to the post office to mail the other day. The clerk said, “This will cost $2.40 for fast delivery or $1.30 for slower service.”

“There is no hurry,” I said, “just so the package is delivered in my lifetime.”

“That will be $2.40, please.”

A frog telephones the Psychic ...

A frog telephones the Psychic Hotline for advice.

The Psychic tells him: "You are going to meet a beautiful young girl who will want to know everything about you."

The frog is thrilled... "This is great! Will I meet her at a party?"

"No," says his Advisor," in her biology class."

Pit Bull and Pathologist

Annual checkup...

Quasimodo goes to a doctor for an annual checkup. "I think something is wrong with your back," the doctor says.

"What makes you think that?" asks Quasimodo.

"I don't know," the doctor replies. "It's just a hunch."

“Why'd Mary try to p

“Why'd Mary try to pet this Amazonian snake? Anaconda.”

The pri

The priest left for dead in the church fire was said to have parished.

Sounds more like a nightmare...

An older couple wakes up in the morning and the husband looks over at his wife and says, " Wow! You wouldn't believe the dream I had..."

The wife replies, "Yes, go on tell me."

So the husband says "I had a dream that you left me after 20 years of being married."

The wife says, "Oh, it sounds more like a nightmare."

The husband says, "No, I am sure it was a dream."

Go away

What do you get when you cross a Jehovah's Witness with an atheist?

Someone who knocks on your door for no reason.

Submitted by Glaci

Edited by Yisman