Popular jokes (26086 to 26100)Jokes sorted by popularity on social networks. Popularity is sum of all all comments, likes, pluses, tweets, etc. is new measure, independant from rating with our star rating system. |
After numerous rounds of, &quo...
After numerous rounds of, "We don't even know if Osama is still alive," Osama himself decided to send George W. a letter in his own handwriting to let him know he was still in the game.Bush opened the letter and it appeared to contain a coded message:
370HSSV-0773H
Bush was baffled, so he typed it out and emailed it to Colin Powell. Colin and his aides had no clue either so they sent it to the CIA. No one could solve it so it went to the NSA and then to MIT and NASA and the Secret Service.
Eventually they asked Canada's RCMP for help. The RCMP cabled the White House:
"Tell the President he is looking at the message upside down!"
"How's the mouth? asked the de...
"How's the mouth? asked the dentist, when Mr McDonald came for his check up.Pharmaceuticals is a v
Pharmaceuticals is a vial industry.The Old Lawyer....
Joe the lawyer died suddenly, at the age of 45. He got to the gates of Heaven, and the angel standing there said, "We've been waiting a long time for you."
What do you mean he replied, "I'm only 45, in the prime of my life. Why did I have to die now?"
"45? You're not 45, you're 82" replied the angel.
"Wait a minute. If you think I'm 82 then you have the wrong guy. I'm only 45. I can show you my birth certificate."
"Hold on. Let me go check" said the angel and disappeared inside. After a few minutes the angel returned.
"Sorry, but by our records you *are* 82. I checked all the hours you have billed your clients, and you have to be 82..."
The development of a new stamp
The Post Office briefly considered issuing stamps with Bill and Hillary's faces on them. However, test marketing verified that the customers would spit on the wrong side of the stamps.Men are Like . . .
Men are like . . . BananasThe older they get, the less firm they are.
Men are like . . . Cement
After getting laid, they take a long time to get hard.
Men are like . . . Coffee.
The best ones are rich, warm and keep you up all night
long.
Men are like . . . High Heels.
They're easy to walk on once you get the hang of it.
The strong young man at the co...
The strong young man at the construction site was bragging that he could outdo anyone in a feat of strength. He made a special case of making fun of one of the older workmen. After several minutes, the older worker had had enough. "Why don't you put your money where your mouth is," he said. "I will bet a week's wages that I can haul something in a wheelbarrow over to that outbuilding that you won't be able to wheel back." "You're on, old man," the braggart replied. "Let's see what you got." The old man reached out and grabbed the wheelbarrow by the handles. Then, nodding to the young man, he said, "All right. Get in."Matt Braunger: Demand for Strippers
Theres no demand for male strippers. No womans like, Lets go see male strippers tonight. Its like a fun thing. Theres always a demand for female strippers. Cause theres always this guy, just like, Ugh, Ive had the worst day, man. Just want a beer in my hand and some tits in my face. Blah. Im gross. No woman has ever said, Ive had the worst day. I just want a glass of wine in my hand and a set of c**k and balls banging against my face and head. Thats all I want.Telling Some Stories
Delivering a speech at a banquet on the night of his arrival in a large city, a visiting minister told several anecdotes he expected to repeat at meetings the next day.
Because he wanted to use the jokes again, he requested the reporters to omit them from any accounts they might turn in to their newspapers.
A cub reporter, in commenting on the speech, ended his piece with the following: "The minister told a number of stories that cannot be published."
