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International Day of the Tropics Joke

June 29th is International Day of the Tropics! Find jokes about it!

Why don't scientists trust atoms when vacationing in the tropics?
Because they make up everything, even the "sandy" beaches!

I once spent ten years marooned on a tropical shore...
I lived on nothing but coconuts and seafood. I fashioned sandals out of leaves, a hut out of grass and sticks, and I kept myself healthy with wild plants.
One day I was scouring the beach for copper wire to build the radio I was working on, and I came across a small white spheroid about 2" in diameter that I had difficulty biting.
The mystery was solved when a man stepped out of the trees and said, "That's mine." Astonished,
I asked him, "Where did you come from?"
He said, "From the golf resort just the other side of those trees."

#internationaldayofthetropics #dayofthetropics

The Complainer

A customer was bothering the waiter in a restaurant. First, he asked that the air conditioning be turned up because he was too hot, then he asked it be turned down cause he was too cold, and so on for about half an hour.
Surprisingly, the waiter was very patient, he walked back and forth and never once got angry. So finally, a second customer asked him why he didn't throw out the pest.
'Oh, I really don't care or mind,' said the waiter with a smile. 'We don't have an air conditioner.'

Jon Dore: Predict the Words

I dont like cell phones. Im never sending another text message as long as I live because I dont like a phone that tries to predict the words Im trying to send to people. Cause I move quickly. Last week I ended up sending a text that read, Hey baby, I had a great night. I hope you have a home day. But I meant to text, You should get tested.

A man walked into a bar, s...

A man walked into a bar, sat down, ordered 3 shots of whiskey, drank them, then left. This continued daily for several weeks.

Curious, the bartender asked him one day, "Why do you always order three shots of whiskey?"

The man answered, "Because my two brothers and I always used to have one shot each, and since they've both passed on, I've continued to order the three shots in their honor."

The bartender thought that this was a very noble thing to do, and welcomed the man every time he visited the bar.

Two weeks later, the man walked into the bar for his daily visit and ordered two shots of whiskey. Surprised, the bartender asked him why he only ordered two when had had always been ordering three.

The man answered, "Oh, I've decided to stop drinking."

Jeff Dunham: Difficulty in Being Politically Correct

Jeff Dunham: Youre afraid of offending people?
Achmed: Yeah.
Jeff Dunham: Youre a terrorist. You kill people.
Achmed: Thats different. Killing people is easy; being politically correct is a pain in the ass.

A little girl was out with her...

A little girl was out with her Grandmother when they came across a couple of dogs mating on the sidewalk."What are they doing, Grandma?" asked the little girl.
The grandmother was embarrassed, so she said, "The dog on top has hurt his paw, and the one underneath is carrying him to the doctor."
"They're just like people, aren't they Grandma?" said the little one.
"How do you mean?" asked the Grandma.
"Offer someone a helping hand," said the little girl,"and they screw you every time!"

Teachers On Patrol

Teacher: I hope I didn't just see you looking at Harry's paper, Raymond!
Raymond: I hope so too, teacher!

As an airplane is about to cra...

As an airplane is about to crash, a female passenger jumps up frantically and announces, "If I'm going to die, I want to die feeling like a woman." She removes all her clothing and asks, "Is there someone on this plane who is man enough to make me feel like a woman?" A man stands up, removes his shirt and says, "Here, iron this!".

Little Johnny is in a class wh

Little Johnny is in a class where every Friday the teacher asks a question and if you get it right you don't have to go to school on Monday.
The first Friday the question was, "How many gallons of water is there in the whole world."
No one knew so they all had to go to school on Monday.
Next Friday, the question was, "How many grains of sand is there in the whole world."
No one knew so they had to go to school on Monday.
By this time Little Johnny is getting mad because he doesn't want to go to school on Monday.
So he paints two ping-pong balls black and the next Friday right before the teacher asked the question he rolled the ping-pong balls up to her.
She aksked, "Alright, who's the comedian with the black balls?"
Johnny said, "Eddie Murphy, see you Tuesday."

Which one picked it up?

Just before Christmas, an honest politician, a generous lawyer and Santa Claus were riding in the elevator of a very posh hotel.

Just before the doors opened they all noticed a $20 bill lying on the floor. Which one picked it up?

Santa of course, because the other two don't exist!

Religion as Baseball

Calvinists believe the game is fixed.
Lutherans believe they can't win, but trust the Scorekeeper.
Quakers won't swing.
Unitarians can catch anything.
Amish walk a lot.
Pagans sacrifice.
Jehovah's Witnesses are thrown out often.
Televangelists get caught stealing.
Episcopalians pass the plate.
Evangelicals make effective pitches.
Fundamentalists balk.
Adventists have a seventh-inning stretch.
Atheists refuse to have an Umpire.
Baptists want to play hardball.
Premillenialists expect the game to be called soon on account of darkness.
The Pope claims never to have committed an error.

Light It Up

Q: Why do fireflies light up while they are having sex?

A: They're so turned on.

How You Made Money

A young man asked an old rich man how he made his money.
The old guy fingered his worsted wool vest and said, "Well, son, it was 1932. The depth of the Great Depression. I was down to my last nickel.
"I invested that nickel in an apple. I spent the entire day polishing the apple and, at the end of the day, I sold the apple for ten cents.
"The next morning, I invested those ten cents in two apples. I spent the entire day polishing them and sold them at 5:00 pm for 20 cents. I continued this system for a month, by the end of which I'd accumulated a fortune of $1.37."
"And that's how you built an empire?" the boy asked.
"Heavens, no!" the man replied. "Then my wife's father died and left us two million dollars."

Learning by example...

Little Johnny was caught swearing by his teacher.

"Johnny," she said, "you shouldn't use that kind of language. Where did you hear such talk, anyway?"

"My daddy said it," he responded.

"Well, that doesn't matter," explained the teacher. "You don't even know what it means."

"I do, too!" Little Johnny retorted. "It means the car won't start."

Lost it!

A guy and a girl are lying in a dorm-room bed after just having sex.

The guy lies on his side of the bed and rests.

The girl rolls to her side of the bed and says to herself, "I finally did it! I'm no longer a virgin."

The guy overhears her talking to herself and asks, "Are you saying you lost your virginity to me?"

"Well," the girl explains, "I always wanted to wait until I was with the man I love to lose my virginity."

Astounded, the guy replies, "So you really love me?"

"Oh God no!" the girl says. "I just got sick of waiting."

Submitted by Calamjo

Edited by Curtis