Popular jokes (31381 to 31395)Jokes sorted by popularity on social networks. Popularity is sum of all all comments, likes, pluses, tweets, etc. is new measure, independant from rating with our star rating system. |
Women are the quickest to lear...
Women are the quickest to learn the three R’s. This is R’s, that’s R’s, everything’s R’s.Going To Town
One day a Tom was going to town and with him he had a butterfly on the way to town there was a man sitting by a shack with a sombrero on. As Tom reached the man , he was asked "Hey what you got there"? Tom replied "I got a butterfly, I'm going to town to get me some butter" The man in the sombrero repliedin a spanish accent "You no get no butter" Tom shrugged and then went on into town . Hours later here came Tom with a pound of butter.The next week Tom went back into town this time he had a horsefly and again sat the man in the sombrero.
"What you got there"?asked the man Tom replied "I got me a horsefly,I'm going into town to get me a horse". The man just looked at him and then said"You won't get no horse". Sure enough a few hours later here comes Tom with a horse. The man in the sombrero was starring with bewildermentbut said nothing. Well a few weeks went by and Here came Tom again and the man in the sombrero asked,"What you got there"? And Tom said "Got me a pussywillow going to go into town..."
And before Tom could finish the man in the sombrero replied "hold on I'm coming with you".
From a fortune cookie: "Sorry,...
From a fortune cookie: "Sorry, no fortune today. Enjoy your cookie."A letter to dad.....
Dear Dad,
$chool i$ really great. I am making lot$ of friend$ and $tudying very hard. With all my $tuff, I $imply can't think of anything I need, $o if you like you can $end me a card, a$ I would love to hear from you.
Love, Your $on.
*****************************************
Dear Son,
I kNOw that astroNOmy, ecoNOmics, and oceaNOgraphy are eNOugh to keep even a hoNOr student busy. Do NOt forget that the pursuit of kNOwledge is a NOble task, and you can never study eNOugh.
Love, Dad.
You From New York?
Signs You're from New York
- You say "the city" and expect everyone to know that this means Manhattan.
- You secretly envy cabbies for their driving skill.
- You have never been to the Statue of Liberty or the Empire State Building.
- You can get into a four-hour argument about how to get from Columbus Circle to Battery Park at 3:30 on the Friday before a long weekend, but can't find Wisconsin on a map.
- The homeless are invisible.
- The subway makes sense.
- The subway should never be called anything prissy, like the Metro.
- You believe that being able to swear at people in their own language makes you multilingual.
- You think $7.00 to cross a bridge is a fair price.
- You've considered stabbing someone just for saying "The Big Apple".
- Your door has more than three locks.
- You go to a hockey game for the fighting. In the stands. To participate.
- Your favorite movie has DeNiro in it.
- The most frequently used part of your car is the horn.
- You consider eye contact an act of overt aggression.
- You call an 8' x 10' plot of patchy grass a yard.
- You complain about having to mow it.
- You are a skee-ball juggernaut.
- You consider Westchester "Upstate".
- You cried the day Ed Koch took over for Judge Wapner.
A boy of 12 was a dedicated st...
A boy of 12 was a dedicated stamp collector; until the lad next door also bought an album. "He buys every stamp I do," the boy complained to his father, "and he's taken all the fun of it away." "Don't be a fool, my boy," said his wise dad. "Remember, imitation is the sincerest form of philately."Last night police were called to a branch of Pizza Hut after a body of a member of staff was found covered in mushrooms, onions ham and cheese. The police spokesman said that there was a strong possiblity that the man had topped himself.
Christine Oliver, Leith
A lonely frog, desparate for some company telephones a psychic hotline to find out what his future has in store. His personal psychic adviser tells him: "You are going to meet a beautiful young girl who will want to know everything about you."
The frog is thrilled and says: "This is great! Where will I meet her, at work, at a party?" "No," replies the psychic, "in a biology class."
Judith Smith, West Lothian
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