Popular jokes (32086 to 32100)Jokes sorted by popularity on social networks. Popularity is sum of all all comments, likes, pluses, tweets, etc. is new measure, independant from rating with our star rating system. |
An idiot decided to start a ch...
An idiot decided to start a chicken farm, so he bought a hundred chickens to start. A month later, he returned to the dealer for another hundred chickens because all of the first lot had died. A month later he was back at the dealers for another hundred chickens for the second lot had also died. "But I think I know where I'm going wrong," said the idiot. "I think I am planting them too deep."Really funny jokes-Buying Turkey
She said to the butcher, "Thank God I made it in time! Do you have any chicken?"
The butcher opened his refrigerator and took out his only chicken, and plops it onto the scale. It weighs three and a half pounds.
"Don't you have anything bigger?" Alice asks.
The butcher returns the chicken to the fridge, takes it out again, and plops it onto the scale, only this time, he keeps his thumb on the chicken. The scale shows four and a half pounds.
"Great!" says Alice. "I'll have both of them please."
Two ministers
Two ministers died at the same time and met St. Peter at the Pearly Gates. St. Peter says," I'd like to get you in now, but our computer's down. You'll have to go back to earth until it's ready, but you can go back as anything you want.
The first minister says, "I've always wanted to be a eagle soaring above our beautiful earth."
"And I have always wanted to be a stud!" said the second.
"So be it " says St. Peter and "POOF", the ministers disappear.
A week goes by, the computer is fixed, and St. peter asked his assistant to recall the two ministers.
"How will I find them?" the assistant askes.
"One is easy, he's soaring over the Grand Canyon right now" says St. Peter.
"The other may be tough to locate though, he's on a snow tire somewhere in Alaska."
A Recently Spotted Bumper Sticker:
"God's true name is unpronounceable...because God is Welsh."
Ponderings Collection 25
Mothers feed their babies with little tiny spoons and forks so what Chinese mothers use. Perhaps toothpicks?
People seem to read the Bible a whole lot more as they get older. What are they doing? Cramming for finals?
Old age is when you still have something on the ball but you are just too tired to bounce it.
Did Adam ever said to Eve, "Watch it! There are plenty more ribs where you came from!"
I drive far too fast to worry about cholesterol.
Everyone has a photographic memory. But some folks don't have film.
When everything's coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.
I almost had a psychic girlfriend, but she left me before we met.
If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?
Energizer Bunny arrested, charged with battery.
Truth in Marriage
<...Truth in Marriage
A man met a beautiful lady and he decided he wanted to marry her right away. She said, "But we don't know anything about each other." He said, "That's all right, we'll learn about each other as we go along." So she consented, and they were married, and went on a honeymoon to a very nice resort.
So one morning they were lying by the pool, when he got up off of his towel, climbed up to the 10 Meter board and did a two and a half-tuck gainer, this was followed by a three rotations in jack-knife position, where he straightened out and cut the water like a knife. After a few more demonstrations, he came back and lay down on the towel.
She said, "That was incredible!"
He said, "I used to be an Olympic diving champion. You see, I told you we'd learn more about each other as we went along."
So she got up, jumped in the pool, and started doing laps. After about thirty laps she climbed back out and lay down on her towel hardly out of breath.
He said, "That was incredible! Were you an Olympic endurance swimmer?"
"No," she said. "I was a hooker in Venice and I worked both sides of the Grand Canal."
While visiting a friend in the...
While visiting a friend in the hospital a young man noticed several pretty nurses, each one of them was wearing a pin designed to look like an apple. “What does the pin signify?” he asked one of them. “Oh! Nothing,” she said with a chuckle. “We just use it to keep the doctors away.”Why So Expensive?
Patient- Dr. How much it will cost me to extract my two teeth?
Dentist- $300 US dollars
Patient- How much time it will take?
Dentist- Five minutes
Patient- Five minutes only & it's $300 US dollars! Don't you think that is too expensive?
Dentist- I can do it in 30 minutes if you want?
What Is Wrong
This woman rushed to see her doctor, looking very much worried and all strung out. She rattles off: “Doctor, take a look at me. When I woke up this morning, I looked at myself in the mirror and saw my hair all wiry and frazzled up, my skin was all wrinkled and pasty, my eyes were bloodshot and bugging out, and I had this corpse-like look on my face! What's WRONG with me, Doctor!?”
The doctor looks her over for a couple of minutes, then calmly says: “Well, I can tell you that there ain't nothing wrong with your eyesight....”
Mr. T has no patience for bead...
Mr. T has no patience for beady-eyed French lunatics. As he says himself, “Oeil petit les foux”Q: What do you call the space
Q: What do you call the space between Kim Kardashian's breasts and butt cheeks?A: Silicon Valley.
A law professor was lecturing ...
A law professor was lecturing to his students and asked them if they were familiar with Roe vs. Wade. When none of the students volunteered an answer, he called on Bambi in the front row.Bambi thought hard for a moment and then finally replied, "That was the decision Washington had to make before crossing the Delaware."
