Popular jokes (32206 to 32220)Jokes sorted by popularity on social networks. Popularity is sum of all all comments, likes, pluses, tweets, etc. is new measure, independant from rating with our star rating system. |
The last request...
Two men, sentenced to die in the electric chair on the same day, were led down to the room in which they would their maker. The priest had given them last rites, the formal speech had been given by the warden, and a final prayer had been said among the participants.
The warden, turning to the first man, solemnly asked, "Son, do you have a last request?" To which the man replied, "Yes sir, I do. I love dance music. Could you please play the Macarena for me one last time?" "Certainly," replied the warden.
He turned to the other man and asked, "Well, what about you, son? What is your final request?" "Please," said the condemned man, "kill me first."
Dead Ringer
The bell-ringer for the church had just passed away, so the priest was looking for someone new to ring the bell.Then one day this man comes out of nowhere and starts banging on the door.
The priest opens the door and sees that the man has no arms.
The priest asks him, "How can you ring the bell?"
The man said, "Let me show you."
So they went up to the top of the bell tower and the man started hitting the bell with his head.
The bell starts to swaying and the man misses, and then he goes flying through the window.
Two more priests come running and ask, "What happened? Who was that?"
The second priest said, "I don't know but that face sure rings a bell!"
The most loved one
1. A Chinese man
There is a wife and a girlfriend in his life but he adores his wife the most.
2. An American man
There is a wife and a girlfriend in his life but he adores his girlfriend the most.
3. An Indian man
There is a wife and three girlfriends in his life but he adores his house-maid the most.
Things sure have changed...
For the first time in many years, a an old man traveled from his rural town to the city to attend a movie. After buying his ticket, he stopped at the concession stand to purchase some popcorn. Handing the attendant $1.50, he couldn't help but comment, "The last time I came to the movies, popcorn was only 15 cents."
"Well, sir," the attendant replied with a grin, "You're really going to enjoy yourself. We have sound now."
Five Pounds of Fat
Q: How do you make five pounds of fat look good to a man?
A: Put a nipple on it.
An executive was interviewing ...
An executive was interviewing a young woman for a position in his company. He wanted to learn something about her personality, so he asked, "if you could have a conversation with anyone, living or dead, who would it be?"She quickly responded, "The living one."
Wife: Did you notice how sweet...
Wife: Did you notice how sweet our neighbor is to his wife? He kisses her all the time. Why don't you do that? Husband: I would love to. But I don't know her that well.Picture menu....
I stopped at the local Burger King for a cold drink and was reading the menu over the counter. I noticed a sign to the side that stated "Picture Menu Available".
I had to ask the clerk what it was for and they told me that they had a number of customers who couldn't read and they used that.
Of course I asked how they would know this picture menu was available and the answer was the classic, "Well, it says so on the sign, doesn't it?"
Excuses for Missing Work
1. If it is all the same to you I won't be coming in to work. The voices told me to clean all the guns today.The mural...
Every newspaper in New York sent a reporter and a staff photographer to the office of a local ophthalmologist when it was learned that he recently performed a successful sight- saving operation on the wife of the country's most celebrated mural artist, who, in addition to paying the doctor's usual fee, had gratefully insisted on painting one of his contemporary masterpieces across an entire wall of the doctor's waiting room.
The mural turned out to be an immense multicolored picture of a human eye, in the center of which stood a perfect miniature likeness of the good doctor himself.
While cameras clicked and most of the newsmen crowded around the famous artist for his comments, one cub reporter drew the eye specialist aside and asked:
"Tell me, if you can, Doctor-what was your first reaction on seeing this fantastic artistic achievement covering an entire wall of your office?"
"To tell the truth," the physician replied, "my first thought was, thank goodness I'm not a hemorrhoid specialist!"
Sex Research
The research worker, conducting a sex survey, phoned one of the husbands whose completed form was spread out before him."Mr Pullman, there seems to be some discrepancies between the answers of you and your wife to the same question. For example, under 'Frequency of Intercourse you wrote 'Three times a week and your wife 'Three times a night."
"Well, that's right," replied the husband, "but that's only until we have paid off the mortgage on the house."
A**hole
While nursing a drink at a bar, a young woman was distressed to see a drunken unkept man sit down next to her."Say, honey-baby ... I'd really like to get into those pants of yours."
"Thanks," she shot back, "But I've already got an a**hole in there."
Submitted by Clark Kent
Edited by Yisman
Witch doctor weather...
A film crew is on location in Kenya, when a tribal shaman approaches the director and says, "Tomorrow rain." The director pays no attention, but the following day it pours and shooting has to be delayed.
That night, the director sends his assistant to bring the shaman back. "What will be the weather tomorrow?" asks the director.
"Bigger rain tomorrow, much wind," and sure enough a terrible storm once again delays the filming.
But then the witch doctor disappears for a week and the director, now depending on him, sends his people out to find him and bring him back to camp.
Finally, he is located and brought to the director's tent. "What will be the weather tomorrow?" asks the director in desperation.
"No idea," says the shaman, "Radio batteries dead."
