Popular jokes (32251 to 32265)Jokes sorted by popularity on social networks. Popularity is sum of all all comments, likes, pluses, tweets, etc. is new measure, independant from rating with our star rating system. |
ESL students enjoy the Baroque
ESL students enjoy the Baroque melodies of TOEFLmusik.A Scrote?
In a check out line the other day and the couple were arguing about whose turn it was to pay. The clerk was kind of listening until she heard the lady said to the guy, "Stop being a scrote."With a furrowed brow the clerk asked, "What is a scrote?"
Without missing a beat the lady responded,
"Short for scrotum. He is somewhere between a prick and an asshole."
Learning by example...
Little Johnny was caught swearing by his teacher.
"Johnny," she said, "you shouldn't use that kind of language. Where did you hear such talk, anyway?"
"My daddy said it," he responded.
"Well, that doesn't matter," explained the teacher. "You don't even know what it means."
"I do, too!" Little Johnny retorted. "It means the car won't start."
Give Me A Double
So this guy walks into a bar and says, “Gve me two beers.”The bartender obliges him.
The guy looks into his wallet and says, “Give me two more beers.”
So the bartender gives him two more beers. The man went on like this until he had put down ten beers, and keeps on going in his wallet and asking for two more beers.
So the bartender asks, “What's in your wallet that you keep looking at?”
So the man opens his wallet and says, “The more I drink, the prettier my wife gets.”
The Best Part of Sunday Service
A preacher notices a man that comes to his church for every service. The preacher asks the man what his favorite part of the service is. The man replies, “Communion.”
Then the preacher asks, “Why is communion your favorite part of the service?”
The man then replies, “Because it’s the only time Jesus’ blood tastes like grape juice.”
- Joke shared by Beliefnet member jesustime
Three astronauts...
Once upon a time Nasa decided to send three astronauts to space for 2 years.
NASA allowed each of them to take 200 pounds of baggage each.
The first astronaut decided to take along his wife, the second decided to take along books to learn how to speak German, while the third astronaut decided to take along cigarettes.
Two years later, when the space shuttle landed, there was a big crowd waiting to welcome them home.
First came the first astronaut and his wife and each of them had a baby in their arms.
Next, out came the second astronaut speaking fluent German.
They both gave their speeches and got a rousing applause.
Suddenly out came the third astronaut with a cigarette in his mouth.
He walked up to the podium and snarled to the crowd and asked, 'Has anyone got a friggin' match?'
The new baby...
A young mother finds out she is pregnant again, and she tells the good news to anyone who will listen. One day when the woman and the boy are out shopping, a friend of the mother asks the little boy if he was excited about the new baby.
"Oh, yes!" the little tyke says. And having overheard some of his parents' private conversations, he adds, "And I know what we are going to name it, too. If it's a girl we're going to call it Mary, and if it's another boy we're going to call it Quits."
Geraniums....
"I'm sorry," said the clerk in flower shop, "we don't have potted geraniums. Could you use African violets instead?"
Replied the customer sadly, "No, it was geraniums my wife told me to water while she was gone."
You might be a redneck if 59
You might be a reneck if...Your most productive fishing lure is a Dupont drifter and a dip net.
City code enforcement officers use your property as a proving ground for new recruits.
You think Tang is in the fruit group.
You can hit a bullseye from up to 50 yards away, but still have trouble with your ABC's.
You've ever wrestled your mama for the last can of beer.
You surf the net primarily for tater gun building instructions.
Your car is the only one in a parking lot and you can't find it.
You think your IQ is the number of coons you shot out of season.
You ever wonder what happened to that nice John F. Kennedy boy.
The fuel for your main mode of transportation is oats.
“The roulette dealer ...
“The roulette dealer had a unique personality. He had a different spin on everything.”
Whisper...
A mother took her little boy to church. While in church the little boy said, "Mommy, I have to pee."
The mother said to the little boy, "It's not appropriate to say the word 'pee' in church. From now on when you have to 'pee' just tell me that you have to whisper'."
The following Sunday, the little boy went to church with his Father and during the service said to his father, "Daddy, I have to whisper."
The Father looked at him and said, "Okay, why don't you whisper in my ear."
