Popular jokes (32266 to 32280)Jokes sorted by popularity on social networks. Popularity is sum of all all comments, likes, pluses, tweets, etc. is new measure, independant from rating with our star rating system. |
Scary Collection 26
A vampire joke
What happened to the mad vampire?
He went a little batty!
A demon joke
What is the best way to get rid of a demon?
Exorcise a lot!
A ghost joke
What kind of jewels to ghosts wear?
Tombstones!
A demon joke
Why do demons and ghouls get on so well?
Because demons are a ghouls best friend!
A vampire joke
Where do vampires go on holiday?
The Isle of Fright!
A vampire joke
What's a vampire's favourite soup?
Sharks' fang soup!
A vampire joke
Which vampire ate the three bears porridge?
Ghouldilocks!
Yo momma so hairy she's a stun...
Yo momma so hairy she's a stunt double for Chewbacca in Star Wars.Things sure have changed...
For the first time in many years, a an old man traveled from his rural town to the city to attend a movie. After buying his ticket, he stopped at the concession stand to purchase some popcorn. Handing the attendant $1.50, he couldn't help but comment, "The last time I came to the movies, popcorn was only 15 cents."
"Well, sir," the attendant replied with a grin, "You're really going to enjoy yourself. We have sound now."
Signs And Notices 07
These are supposedly actual signs that have appeared at various locations.
Sign on a scientist's door: "Gone fission."
Sign in a taxidermist's window: "We really know our stuff."
Sign in a podiatrist's window: "Time wounds all heels."
Sign in a butcher's window: "Let me meat your needs."
Sign on used car lot: "Second hand cars in first crash condition."
Sign on fence: "Salesmen welcome. Dog food is expensive."
Sign in a car dealership office: "The best way to get back on your feet - miss a car payment."
Sign over a cannibal's hut: "I never met a man I didn't like."
Sign in a muffler shop: "No appointment necessary. We'll hear you coming."
I was scrubbing the bulkhead o...
I was scrubbing the bulkhead on the USS Kitty Hawk one Sunday morning when the loud-speaker announced:"Religious services. Maintain silence about the decks. Knock off all unnecessary work."
An hour later, the opinion many of us held regarding our daily routine, was confirmed with this announcement:
"Resume all unnecessary work."
You might be a redneck if 59
You might be a reneck if...Your most productive fishing lure is a Dupont drifter and a dip net.
City code enforcement officers use your property as a proving ground for new recruits.
You think Tang is in the fruit group.
You can hit a bullseye from up to 50 yards away, but still have trouble with your ABC's.
You've ever wrestled your mama for the last can of beer.
You surf the net primarily for tater gun building instructions.
Your car is the only one in a parking lot and you can't find it.
You think your IQ is the number of coons you shot out of season.
You ever wonder what happened to that nice John F. Kennedy boy.
The fuel for your main mode of transportation is oats.
“The roulette dealer ...
“The roulette dealer had a unique personality. He had a different spin on everything.”
New Company Policy
When the wise company president learned that his employees were tanking up on no-trace vodka martinis during their lunch hours, he issued the following memo:To all employees; If you must drink during you lunch hours, please drink whiskey. It is better for our customers to know you're drunk than to think you're stupid.
A**hole
While nursing a drink at a bar, a young woman was distressed to see a drunken unkept man sit down next to her."Say, honey-baby ... I'd really like to get into those pants of yours."
"Thanks," she shot back, "But I've already got an a**hole in there."
Submitted by Clark Kent
Edited by Yisman
French humour is so Sarkozstic...
French humour is so SarkozsticA famous scientist developed a...
A famous scientist developed a formula to bring statues to life.He went to a local park to try it out on a statue of Gen. Ulysses Grant.
After application, Gen Grant began to move and soon was completely alive.
The scientist asked, "What's the first thing you'll do, General?"
The general answered while drawing his pistol "I'm going to kill about a million damn pigeons!"
Great to be a woman
Reason's why it's great to be a womanFree drinks.
Free dinners.
Free movies.
Speeding ticket? What's that?
New lipstick gives you a whole new lease on life.
If you have to be home in time for Melrose Place, you can say so, out loud.
If you're not making enough money you can blame the glass ceiling.
You can sleep your way to the top.
You can sue the President for sexual harassment.
It's possible to live your whole life without ever taking a group shower.
No fashion faux pas you make could rival The Speedo.
Brad Pitt.
No one passes out when you take off your shoes.
Excitement is only as far away as the nearest beauty-supply store.
If you forget to shave, no one has to know.
If you're dumb, some people will find it cute.
You have the ability to dress yourself.
If you marry someone twenty years younger, you're aware that you look like an idiot.
You'll never have to punch a hole through anything with your fist.
You can quickly end any fight by crying.
Your friends won't think you're weird if you ask whether there's spinach in your teeth.
There are times when chocolate really Can solve all your problems.
You've never had a goatee.
You'll never regret piercing your ears.
You can fully assess a person just by looking at their shoes.
You know which glass was yours by the lipstick mark.
You get to hate Kathie Lee in the way only another woman truly can.
Where Is This Bus Going?
A drunken man gets on the bus late one night, staggers up the aisle, and sits next to an elderly woman.
She looks the man up and down and says, "I've got news for you. You're going straight to hell!"
The man jumps up out of his seat and shouts, "Man, I'm on the wrong bus!"
An old woman was rocking away ...
An old woman was rocking away the last of her days on her front porch and reflecting on her long life, when, all of a sudden, a fairy godmother appeared and informed her that she would be granted 3 wishes!"Well, now," said the old lady, "I've always wanted to be rich!" *POOF* Her rocking chair turned to solid gold.
"And, gee, I guess I wouldn't mind being a young, beautiful princess." *POOF* She turned into a beautiful young woman.
"And your third wish?" asked the fairy godmother. Just then the old woman's cat wandered across the porch.
"Ooooh! Can you turn him into a handsome prince?" She asked. *POOF* There stood a young man, more handsome then anyone could possibly imagine. She stared at him, smitten. With a smile that made her knees weak, he sauntered across the porch and leaned over close to her.
Then he whispered in her ear, "Bet you're sorry you had me neutered, aren't you?"
