Popular jokes (32476 to 32490)Jokes sorted by popularity on social networks. Popularity is sum of all all comments, likes, pluses, tweets, etc. is new measure, independant from rating with our star rating system. |
This duck walks into a c...
This duck walks into a convenience store and asks the clerk, "Do you have any grapes?" The clerk says no, and the duck leaves.
The next day the duck returns and asks, "Do you have any grapes?" The clerk again says no, and the duck leaves.
The day after that the duck walks in the store again and asks "Do you have any grapes?" The clerk screams at the duck, "You've come in here the past two days and asked if we had any grapes. I told you no every time that we don't have any grapes! I swear if you come back in here again, and ask for grapes, I'll nail your webbed feet to the floor!!"
The duck leaves and returns the next day. This time he asks, "Do you have any nails?" The clerk replies "No," and the duck said, "Okay, then. Got any grapes?"
Two old men were sitting in th...
Two old men were sitting in the yard outside the care home one day when Tim turned to the other and said "John I'm really feeling my age today I just hurt all over, how are you feeling?John replied "I feel just like a new born babe"
Tim looked at him startled "A New Born babe really?"
"Yep, I have no hair, no teeth, and I think I just wet my pants."
"Now they show you how deterge...
"Now they show you how detergents take out bloodstains, a pretty violent image there. I think if you've got a T-shirt with a bloodstain all over it, maybe laundry isn't your biggest problem. Maybe you should get rid of the body before you do the wash."--Jerry Seinfeld
Japan Is In Trouble
Take heart, America. Three monkey wrenches have been thrown into Japan's well-oiled economic machine. It's only a mater of time before that powerful engine of productivity begins to sputter and fail.
What could cause such a sharp turnaround? High interest rates? Increased unemployment? Lower productivity? No, it's something much more economically debilitating - and permanent.
Three American lawyers have become the first foreign attorneys permitted to practice law in Japan. What's more, two of them are from New York!
The decline has begun.
Japan has one attorney for every 10,000 residents, compared to the U.S. ratio of one attorney for every 390 residents. For every 100 attorneys trained in Japan, there are 1,000 enginerrs. In the United States, that ratio is reversed.
But a law that became effective on April 1 permits foreigners to practice in Japan for the first time since 1955. Already, an additional 20 American and six British lawyers have applied for permission to open practices in Japan.
If anything can slow the Japanese economy, it's the presence of American attorneys. What better way to even our balance of trade than to send Japan our costliest surplus commodity?
Government vs. Mafia
What's the difference between the government and the Mafia?
One of them is organized.
Do data miners work at the ...
Do data miners work at the query?Little Johnny was getting bad ...
Little Johnny was getting bad grades in school.One day he stepped up to the teacher's desk, and announced, "I don't want to scare you Miss Finch, but daddy says if I don't get better grades... somebody is gonna get a spanking."
You should invest in nudity, d
You should invest in nudity, during the current bare market.Kids jokes-Words in the head
Only five years old, my nephew responded, "I have words in my head I haven't even used yet."
Little Johnny was asked by his...
Little Johnny was asked by his teacher to spell "straight," little Johnny did so without error."Bravo," said the teacher, "now, what does it mean?"
"Without water in it."
Musicians
How many musicians does it take to screw in a lightbulb?One, two... one, two, three, four!
Submitted by Curtis
Edited by Yisman
A man walked up to a school an...
A man walked up to a school and said "can you teach me to read and write"The administrator said, "Yes we can"! Just fill out this form."
