Popular jokes (32656 to 32670)Jokes sorted by popularity on social networks. Popularity is sum of all all comments, likes, pluses, tweets, etc. is new measure, independant from rating with our star rating system. |
Al Gore And Leonardo DiCaprio
What's the difference between Al Gore and Leonardo DiCaprio?
One of them, due to circumstances beyond his control, was dragged down with the wreckage.
The other one is just an actor.
Discontinued Jelly Bean Flavors
1. Gangrene 2. New Car 3. Burn Victim 4. Dimetapp 5. Sand 6. Taxi 7. Grandma 8. WD-40 9. Substitute Teacher 10 CigaretteThe boss had listened in sympa...
The boss had listened in sympathetic silence as Mario went through the reasons why he needed, and felt he deserved, a raise. Then, with a compassionate smile, the CEO patted he younger man on the shoulder. “Yes, Mario,” he said kindly, “I know you can’t get married on the salary I’m paying you… and some day you’ll thank me for it.”Time To Do The Laundry
The Top 10 Signs That Its Time To Do The Laundry
- You're wearing your last pair of underwear in the shower consistently.
- You've worn your sheets to school because you can't get them off of you.
- Your socks act like a shirt does when its heavily starched and emit a serious funk.
- Your roommate walks around wearing a full body medical suit like they did in the movie "Outbreak" to avoid catching the Ebola virus.
- The Snuggle Bear on the softener bottle officially died last week.
- The DEA's drug sniffing dog is always coming by to sniff your laundry because the strong stench makes him think you have 28 tons of pot in your closet.
- Even after sewing 28 spring scented dryer sheets to the inside of your shirt, your friends still say you reek.
- The phrase "Wash Me" is visibly written in your jeans.
- Your red T-shirt is now green.
- The boss pulls you aside to remind you that your company's casual days does not include your college graduation gown and scuba diving fins.
Sex morality
The Dean of Women was introducing the newcomers to the college and thought fit to touch the subject of sex morality:
"In moments of temptation, ask yourselves just one question: Is an hour of pleasure worth a lifetime of shame?"
At the end of the lecture she asked if there were any questions. One of the girls timidly raised her hand and said:
"Could you tell us how you make it last one hour?"...
Two man playing golf were held...
Two man playing golf were held up by two women playing in front of them. One man said: "I'll walk up to them and tell them to hurry up." When he returned he said: "I have a problem, one of the women is my wife and the other one is my mistress." The second man said: "I'll walk up to them and hurry them up." He came back and said: " We both have the same problem.”Funny jokes-Painting job
Answering Machine Message 60
This is the Literacy Self Test Hotline. After the tone, leave your name and number, and recite a sentence using today's vocabulary word. Today's word is "supercilious".
Officer to driver going the wr...
Officer to driver going the wrong way up a one way street. "And where do you think you are going?"Driver: "I'm not sure, but I must be late as everyone else is coming back."
Summer was over and the teache...
Summer was over and the teacher was asking the class about their holidays. She turned to little Johnny and asked what he did over the Summer."We visited my grandmother in Minneapolis, Minnesota," he said.
"That sounds like an excellent vocabulary word," the teacher said, "Can you tell the class how you spell that?"
Little Johnny thought about it and said, "Come to think of it, we went to Iowa."
An Audience With the Pope
A man who is an avid golfer finally gets a once-in-a-lifetime chance for an audience with the Pope. After standing in line for hours, he gets to the Pope and says, "Holiness, I have a question that only you can answer. You see, I love golf, and I feel a real need to know if there is a golf course in heaven. Can you tell me if there is?"
The Pope considers for a moment, and says, "I do not know the answer to your question, my son, but I will talk to God and get back to you."The next day the man is called for another audience with the Pope to receive the answer to his question. He stands before the Pope, who says, "My son, I have some good news and some bad news in relation to your question. The good news is that heaven has the most fabulous golf course that you could imagine and is in eternally perfect shape."
"And what's the bad news?" asks the man.
"You tee-off tomorrow morning," the Pope replies.
