Popular jokes (32686 to 32700)Jokes sorted by popularity on social networks. Popularity is sum of all all comments, likes, pluses, tweets, etc. is new measure, independant from rating with our star rating system. |
There once was a religious you
There once was a religious young woman who went to Confession. Upon entering the confessional, she said, "Forgive me, Father, for I have sinned."The priest said, "Confess your sins and be forgiven."
The young woman said, "Last night my boyfriend made mad, passionate love to me seven times."
The priest thought long and hard and then said, "Squeeze seven lemons into a glass and then drink the juice."
The young woman asked, "Will this cleanse me of my sins?"
The priest said, "No, but it will wipe that smile off of your face."
Q: What worse than finding out...
Q: What worse than finding out your ex-wife got cancer? A: Finding out it's curable.I tuned out my barber. He tend...
I tuned out my barber. He tends to lather on.Wish granted
A couple is celebrating their 25th wedding anniversary and their 60th birthdays on the same day.
During the celebration, a fairy godmother appears and says that because they've been such a loving couple all those years, she will give them one wish each.
The wife says she wants to travel around the world. The fairy waves her wand, and boom! The woman has a wad of tickets in her hand.
Next, it is the husband's turn. He pauses for a moment, then says shyly: "Well, I'd like to have a woman 30 years younger then me."
The fairy picks up her wand, and boom! He's 90.
Officer to driver going the wr...
Officer to driver going the wrong way up a one way street. "And where do you think you are going?"Driver: "I'm not sure, but I must be late as everyone else is coming back."
Too Much Hunting
Saturday morning I got up early, put on my long johns, dressed quietly, made my lunch, grabbed my shotgun and the dog, slipped quietly into the garage to load the truck, and proceeded to back out into a torrential downpour.There was snow mixed with the rain, and the wind was blowing 50 mph. I pulled back into the garage, turned on the radio, and discovered that the weather would be bad throughout the day.
I went back into the house, quietly undressed, and slipped back into bed. There I cuddled up to my wife's back, now with a different anticipation, and whispered, "The weather out there is terrible."
She sleepily replied, "Can you believe my stupid husband is out hunting in that sh*t?"
Work or play...
A man wondered if having sex on the Sabbath is a sin. The reason is because he is not sure if sex is work or play. So he goes to a priest. He asks for the priest's opinion.
After consulting the Bible, the priest says, "My son, after an exhaustive search, I am positive that sex is work and is therefore not permitted on the Sabbath."
The man thinks, "What does a priest know about sex?" So, he decides to ask a minister.
The minister gives the same reply as the priest had given him. Sex is work, and therefore not permitted on the Sabbath.
Not pleased with the reply, he seeks out a Rabbi. The Rabbi ponders the question, then states, "My son, sex is definitely play."
The man asks, "Rabbi, how can you be so sure when so many others are convinced that sex is work?"
The Rabbi replies, "If sex were work, my wife would have the maid do it."
Grandpa, can you...?
A little girl said, "Grandpa, can I sit on your lap?
"Why sure you can," her grandfather replied.
As she sat on her grandfather's lap she said, "Grandpa, can you make a sound like a frog?"
"A sound like a frog? Well, sure Grandpa can make a sound like a frog."
The girl said, "Grandpa, will you please, please make a sound like a frog?"
Perplexed, her grandfather said, "Sweetheart, why do you want me to make a sound like a frog?"
And the little girl said, "Because Grandma said that when you croak, we're going to Florida!"
I am going on vacation unt...
I am going on vacation until Sunday so I figured I would write long post In many different sections. I am going on a fishing trip with my granddad and we are going to check on my great grandmother.
Joke of the day 6/05/08
Max: Mr. Thatcher, I'm here to talk to you about a raise.
Mr. Thatcher: Well, Max, tell me how long you've been working here not counting tomorrow?
The Post
Now down to the actual Post part. While I was gone I figured I needed to come up with something that would spark a lot of conversation. So I did. I also though for a change it should not be just about technology. So here is the question What will be the next big feat, or discovery. This is in any category from flying cars to the hologram screen. You tell me. Personally I think it will be cars that run on alternative fuel. What do you think please comment. 
Rooney on Answering machines
Did you ever hear one of those corny, positive messages on someone's answering machine? "Hi, It's a great day and I'm out enjoying it right now. I hope you are too. The thought for the day is "Share the love."
"Beep." "Uh, yeah. . . this is the VD clinic calling. . .Speaking of being positive, your test is back. Stop sharing the love."
-- Andy Rooney
Success
A man was walking along the street when he saw a ladder going into the clouds. As any of us would do, he climbed the ladder. He reached a cloud, upon which sat a rather plump and very ugly woman. "Screw me or climb the ladder to success," she said.
No contest, thought the man, so he climbed the ladder to the next cloud. On this cloud was a slightly thinner woman, who was slightly easier on the eye. "Screw me hard or climb the ladder to success," she said. "Well," thought the man, "might as well carry on."
On the next cloud was an even more attractive lady who, this time, was quite attractive. "Screw me now or climb the ladder to success," she uttered. As he turned her down and went on up the ladder, the man thought to himself that this was getting better the further he went.
On the next cloud was an absolute beauty. Slim, attractive, the lot. "Screw me here and now or climb the ladder to success," she flirted. Unable to imagine what could be waiting, and being a gambling man, he decided to climb again. When he reached the next cloud, there was a 400 pound ugly man, arm pit hair showing, flies buzzing around his head.
"Who are you?" the man asked.
"Hello" said the ugly fat man, "I'm Cess!"
Tom Rhodes: Always the Negative Side
In America, all you ever get is the negative side of drinking: He got drunk and killed a busload of children. Come on, man. Its time someone pointed out the good in alcohol. Drinking creates conversation, right? You gotta call people the next day and apologize to em.Double Martini
A businessman enters a tavern, sits down at the bar, and orders a double martini on the rocks.
After he finishes the drink, he peeks inside his shirt pocket, then orders the bartender to prepare another double martini.
After he finishes that it, he again peeks inside his shirt pocket and orders the bartender to bring another double martini. The bartender says, "Look, buddy, I'll bring ya' martinis all night long - but you gotta tell me why you look inside your shirt pocket before you order a refill."
The customer replies, "I'm peeking at a photo of my wife.
When she starts to look good, I know it's time to go home."
Joke of the Day, posted everyday on getfrank.co.nz - Click to see the past weeks worth right here...
