Popular jokes (32716 to 32730)Jokes sorted by popularity on social networks. Popularity is sum of all all comments, likes, pluses, tweets, etc. is new measure, independant from rating with our star rating system. |
School in the Summertime
Youre like school in the summertime -- no class.My brother read a book about D...
My brother read a book about Davy Crockett. He said: "Did you know Davy Crockett had three ears?"He said, "Well he did you know. He had a right ear, a left ear and a wild frontear."
Facial Expression
A guy went to a psychiatrist because he was having severe problems with his sex life.my mom locked me in a closet a...
my mom locked me in a closet and said I couldn't come out until I made a pun. I said, "O-pun the door." Then I said all of these:A Local Area Network in Australia is the LAN down under.
Every calendar's days are numbered.
A lot of money is tainted. 'Taint yours and 'taint mine.
He had a photographic memory that was never developed.
A plateau is a high form of flattery.
Those who get too big for their britches will be exposed in the end.
When you've seen one shopping center you've seen a mall.
Those who jump off a Paris bridge are in Seine.
Bakers trade bread recipes on a knead to know basis.
Geoff Keith: Teaching My Girlfriend About Hanukkah
I am Jewish; my girlfriends not. She did buy me eight presents for Hanukkah, though. I was like, Why did you buy me eight presents for Hanukkah? Shes like, Eight presents, for the eight nights of Hanukkah. I was like, You idiot, theres 32 nights of Hanukkah -- and I like electronics. Now, go to the mall. Religious minimum: $50 a gift.A woman was watching her husba...
A woman was watching her husband standing on the bathroom scale, sucking in his stomach.Thinking he was trying to weigh less with this maneuver, she commented, "I don't think that is going to help."
"Sure it will," he said. "It's the only way I can see the numbers..."
Fascinate
A teacher asked her students to use the word "fascinate" in a sentence. Mary said, "My family went to the New York City Zoo, and we saw all the animals. It was fascinating."
The teacher said, "That was good, but I wanted the word "fascinate."
Sally raised her hand. She said, "My family went to the Philadelphia Zoo and saw the animals. I was fascinated."
The teacher said, "Good, but I wanted the word 'fascinate.'"
Little Billy raised his hand. The teacher hesitated because Billy was noted for is bad language. She finally decided there was no way he could damage the word "fascinate" so she called on him.
Billy said, "My sister has a sweater with 10 buttons, but her boobs are so big she can only fasten 8."
"I went fly-fishing yesterday....
"I went fly-fishing yesterday."Short laughs & quips
Lots of folks are forced to skimp to support a government that won't.
There's one thing the Democrats and Republicans share in common: Our money.
...Veni, Vedi, Clinti--I came, I saw, I lied.
A little girl asked her father, "Daddy? Do all Fairy Tales begin with 'Once Upon A Time'?"
He replied, "No, there is a whole series of Fairy Tales that begin with 'If elected I promise'."
On their second night after th...
On their second night after the wedding, the two blissful newlyweds shut off the lights and crawl under the sheets. Turning anxiously towards his bride, he tenderly informs his wife that tonight he wants a hand job instead of the usual stuff. She, being the proper girl that she is, had absolutely no idea what a "hand job" was. So, she gets out of bed, puts on her robe and heads for the phone to call her mom."Mom," she says, "My new hubby wants a hand job and I don't know what he means."
"Oh, Honey," says her mother, "that's real simple. Just grab his thing and shake it like you were trying to get ketchup out of a bottle."
"Gee, Mom, that's easy enough," she replies. So she hangs up the phone, removes her robe and crawls back into the sack. She snuggles up to her lover, grabs his thing firmly with one hand and starts beating the end with the other.
Little voices...
A guy goes into a bar and orders a beer. As he takes a sip of his beer, he hears a tiny little voice say: "Nice tie." He looks around but sees no one. He take another sip of his beer and hears: "A nice shirt, too." Again he looks around and sees no one.
He signals the bartender over, and hesitantly explains that he's hearing voices talking to him... "Of course," smiles the bartender. "It's the peanuts -- they're complimentary."
