Popular jokes (32806 to 32820)Jokes sorted by popularity on social networks. Popularity is sum of all all comments, likes, pluses, tweets, etc. is new measure, independant from rating with our star rating system. |
Lesson in logic...
A fourth-grade teacher was giving her pupils a lesson in logic.
"Here is the situation," she said. "A man is standing up in a boat in the middle of a river, fishing. He loses his balance, falls in, and begins splashing and yelling for help. His wife hears the commotion, knows he can't swim, and runs down to the bank. Why do you think she ran to the bank?"
A girl raised her hand and asked, "To withdraw all his money from his savings account?"
Zack volunteered for military ...
Zack volunteered for military service during WWII. He had such a high aptitude for aviation that he was sent right to Pensacola skipping boot camp.The very first day at Pensacola he solos and is the best flier on the base. All they could do was give him his gold wings and assign him immediately to an aircraft carrier in the Pacific.
On his first day aboard he took off and single-handedly shot down 6 Japanese Zeros. Then climbing up to 20,000 feet he found 10 more Japanese plans and shot them all down, too. Noting that his fuel was getting low, he descended, circled the carrier and came in for a perfect landing on the deck.
He threw back the canopy, climbed out and jogged over to the Captain.
Saluting smartly, he said, "Well, Sir, how did I do on my very first day?"
The Captain replied, "You make one velly impoltant mistake."
Super Sex!!!
A woman, completely fed up with her husband's on-line obsession, finally takes matters into her own hands.
One night, as he is sitting at the computer, she goes into the bedroom, takes off all her clothes, puts on a full length mink coat, and posts herself between her husband and the monitor.
She pulls open the coat and yells, "Time for Super Sex!!!"
He ignores her.
So, she repeatedly yells, "Super Sex", "Super Sex", "Super Sex".
Finally, he replies, "Ok, Ok, I'll take the soup".
A student comes to a young pro...
A student comes to a young professor's office hours. She glances down the hall, closes his door, and kneels pleadingly."I would do anything to pass this exam," she says.She leans closer to him, flips back her hair, and gazes meaningfully into his eyes. "I mean," she whispers, "I would do anything..."He returns her gaze, "Anything?""Anything."His voice softens, "Anything?""Anything," she repeats again. His voice turns to a whisper. "Would you ... study?"Stealing The Camera
The following is supposedly a true story. To be included, besides being true, the story is most likely strange, weird, surprising, or funny.
February 1, 1993
Raleigh, N.C., police charged Vernon Edsel Brooks, 34, with robbing a Radio Shack in July, despite his foresight in disabling a video surveillance camera by taking the camera with him as he fled.
Because he forgot to take the recorder to which the camera was connected, police found a tape containing a full facial shot of Brooks reaching for the camera.
TEACHER: Donald, what is the c...
TEACHER: Donald, what is the chemical formula for water?DONALD: H I J K L M N O.
TEACHER: What are you talking about?
DONALD: Yesterday you said it's H to O.
This guy went into a restauran...
This guy went into a restaurant and ordered his meal. When the waitress came out with his soup, he noticed that she had her thumb stuck into the soup.This upset him, but he let it go. She then brought out his chili, and again her thumb was in the food.
He let it go again. When she brought out his hot fudge sundae, her thumb was in the food and this was too much for him.
"Goddammit," said the man, "get your damn thumb out of my food!'
"Well, I injured it a while ago and the doctor said I should keep it warm."
"Why don't you just shove it up your ass?" the man said angrily.
"That's what I do when I'm in the kitchen."
The female dormitory will be o...
The female dormitory will be out-of-bounds for all male students, so too the male dormitory to the female students. Anybody caught breaking this rule will be fined $20 the first time. Anybody caught breaking this rule the second time will be fined $60. Being caught a third time will incur a hefty fine of $180. Are there any questions?"At this, a male student in the crowd inquires, "Er... How much for a season pass?"
A man being interviewed for a ...
A man being interviewed for a job was asked his name.My name is Morris M. Morris he replied.
What does the M stand for?
Nothing he replied they just stuck it in to break the monotony.
Shows up
A state trooper notices a car weaving in the road, and when he pulls it over a beautiful woman gets out. She is clearly under the influence, but just to make sure he gives her the breathalyzer test. Sure enough, she's over the limit, so the trooper says, “Madam, you've had a couple of stiff ones.”Marriage quotes 07
If your wife wants to learn how to drive, don't stand in her way.In marriage, as in war, it is permitted to take every advantage of the enemy.
In marriage, the bridge gets a shower. But for the groom, it's curtains!
Jimmy Carter as President is like Truman Capote marrying Dolly Parton. The job is just too big for him. -- Rich Little
Joint Checking Account: a handly little device which permits my wife to beat me to the draw.
Long engagements give people the opportunity of finding out each other's character before marriage, which is never advisable. -- Oscar Wilde
Losing a wife can be hard. In my case, it was almost impossible.
Love thy neighbor, but make sure her husband is away first.
Love: An obsessive delusion that is cured by marriage.
Man and wife make one fool.
A taxi driver in a Merce...
A taxi driver in a Mercedes-Benz picked up a blonde woman at the airport one day.
When she got in and they started on their way she enquired what the three pinned emblem on the front is for. In a jovial mood, the driver replied "Well, it's for lining it up at people, so you can run them down".
"Ah I see", said the woman.
With this the taxi driver starts heading straight for an elderly woman, but at the last second swerves away.
A loud bang startles him and he looks curiously over at his passenger who appears to be hanging out of the car with the door wide open: "I thought you were going to miss there for a minute!"
Parking the Car
...
Parking the Car
Norman and his wife live at Mt Buller. One winter morning while listening to the radio, they hear the announcer say, "We are going to have 8 to 10 centimetres of snow today. You must park your car on the even numbered side of the street, so the snow plough can get through."
Norman's wife goes out and moves her car. A week later while they are eating breakfast, the radio announcer says, "We are expecting 10 to 12 centimetres of snow today. You must park your car on the odd numbered side of the street, so the snow plough can get through." Norman's wife goes out and moves her car again.
The next week they are having breakfast again, when the radio announcer says, "We are expecting 12 to 14 centimetres of snow today. You must park..........." then the electric power goes out.
Norman's wife is very upset, and with a worried look on her face she says, "Honey, I don't know what to do. Which side of the street do I need to park on so the plough can get through?"
With the love and understanding in his voice like all men who have partners, Norman says, "Why don't you just leave it in the garage this time sweety?"
