Popular jokes (32821 to 32835)Jokes sorted by popularity on social networks. Popularity is sum of all all comments, likes, pluses, tweets, etc. is new measure, independant from rating with our star rating system. |
Dog gone!
Paul got off the elevator on the 40th floor and nervously knocked on his blind date's door. She opened it and was as beautiful and charming as everyone had said.
"I'll be ready in a few minutes," she said. "Why don't you play with my dog Rollo while you are waiting? He does wonderful tricks. He rolls over, shakes hands and sits up, and if you make a hoop with your arms, he'll jump through."
The dog followed Paul onto the balcony and started rolling over. Paul made a hoop with his arms and Rollo jumped through and over the rail of the balcony. Just then, Paul's date walked out.
"Isn't Rollo the cutest, happiest dog you've ever seen?" she gushed.
Paul panicked. "To tell the truth," he said, "he seemed a little depressed to me."
One day a little girl was sitt...
One day a little girl was sitting and watching her mother do thedishes at the kitchen sink. She suddenly noticed that her mother had several
strands of white hair sticking out in contrast to her brunette head.
She looked at her mother and inquisitively asked, "Why are some of
your hairs white, Mom?" Her mother replied, "Well, every time that you do something wrong and make me cry or unhappy, one of my hairs turns white."
The little girl thought about this revelation for a while and then said,
"Momma, how come ALL of grandma's hairs are white?"
What lies at the bottom of the...
What lies at the bottom of the ocean and fidgets? A nervous wreck.The Prime Minister is vi...
The Prime Minister is visiting a school.
In one class, he asks the students if anyone can give him an example of a "tragedy". One little boy stands up and offers "if my best friend who lives next door was playing in the street when a car came along and killed him, that would be a tragedy".
"No," the PM says, "That would be an accident."
A girl raises her hand. "If a school bus carrying fifty children drove off a cliff, killing everyone involved ... that would be a tragedy". <,/p>
"I'm afraid not, " explains the PM, "that is what we would call a great loss."
The room is silent, none of the other children volunteer. "What?" asks the PM, "isn't there any one here who can give me an example of a tragedy?"
Finally, a boy in the back raises his hand. In a timid voice, he says: "If an airplane carrying the Prime Minister was blown up by a bomb, THAT would be a tragedy".
"Wonderful!" the PM beams. "Marvelous! And can you tell me why that would be a tragedy?"
"Well," says the boy, "because it wouldn't be an accident, and it certainly wouldn't be a great loss!"
Next One
After a young couple brought their new baby home, the wife suggested that her husband should try his hand at changing diapers. "I'm busy," he said, "I'll do the next one."The next time came around and she asked again. The husband looked puzzled,"Oh! I didn't mean the next diaper. I meant the next baby!"
Sales Help
"I'd like to buy some gloves for my wife," the young man said, eyeing the attractive salesgirl. "But I don't know her size."
"Will this help?" she asked sweetly, placing her hand in his.
"Why yes," he answered. "Her hands are just slightly smaller that yours."
"Will there be anything else?" the salesgirl queried as she wrapped the gloves.
"Now that you mention it," he replied, "she also needs some lingerie."
Business One-liners 121
Meade's Maxim: Always remember that you are absolutely unique, just like everyone else.
Mencken's Law: There is always an easy answer to every human problem - neat, plausible, and wrong.
Muir's Law: When we try to pick out anything by itself, we find it hitched to everything else in the universe.
Newlan's Truism: An "acceptable" level of unemployment means that the government economist to whom it is acceptable still has a job.
Ninety-Ninety Rule Of Project Schedules: The first ninety percent of the task takes ninety percent of the time, and the last ten percent takes the other ninety percent.
Nolan's Placebo: An ounce of image is worth a pound of performance.
Nowlan's Theory: He who hesitates is not only lost, but several miles from the next freeway exit.
Modern Definitions
The Washington Post publishes a yearly contest in which readers are asked to invent alternate meanings for various words.“Hello, Operator. You gave me...
“Hello, Operator. You gave me the wrong number.” The young man was quite peeved about it. I’m calling HOpe5567. “There is no such exchange as Rope,” said the operator.“Hope,” replied the man angrily. “H like in Harry, O for Otto, P for Peter and E for Edward.” “Gee,” said the operator, “that phone booth must be awfully crowded.
But what number do you want?”
Bishop & the Bellringers
After Quasimodo's death, the bishop sent word through the streets of Paris that a new bellringer was needed. The bishop decided to conduct the interviews personally and went up into the belfry to begin the screening process. After observing several applicants demonstrate their skills (or lack thereof), he decided to call it a day when a lone, armless man announced that he was there to apply for the bellringer's job.
The bishop was incredulous. "You have no arms!"
"No matter," said the man, "observe!"
He then began striking the bells with his face, producing a beautiful melody on the carillon. The bishop listened in astonishment, then told him he had the job. Dancing with joy, the armless man tripped and plunged from the belfry to his death in the street below. The stunned bishop rushed to his side.
When he reached the street, a crowd had gathered around the fallen figure, drawn by the beautiful music they had heard only moments before. As they silently parted to let the bishop through, one of them asked, "Bishop, who was this man?"
"I don't know his name," the bishop sadly replied, "but his face sure rings a bell."
The following day, despite the sadness that weighed heavily on his heart due to the unfortunate death of the armless campanologist, the bishop resumed interviews for post of bellringer of Notre Dame.
The first man to approach him said, "Your excellency, I am the twin brother of the poor, armless wretch that fell to his death from this very belfry yesterday. As you can see, I'm more blessed than he in that I have two strong arms, the better to strike the bells. I pray that you honor his life by allowing me to replace him in this duty."
The bishop agreed to give the man an audition, but as the armless man's brother stooped to pick up a mallet to strike the first bell, he groaned, clutched at his chest and died on the spot. Two monks, hearing the bishop's cries of grief at this second tragedy, rushed up the stairs to his side.
"What has happened?", the first breathlessly asked, "Who is this man?"
"I don't know his name," sighed the bishop, "but he's a dead ringer for his brother."
