Popular jokes (32896 to 32910)Jokes sorted by popularity on social networks. Popularity is sum of all all comments, likes, pluses, tweets, etc. is new measure, independant from rating with our star rating system. |
The Biology Song 06
O Humid Night
(Melody: "O Holy Night")
O Humid Night
Anopheline mosquitoes
Are circling you in the hope of a meal.
She takes a bite, saliva from her mouthparts
Drool parasites which you can't see or feel
Your brain can get sick,
You will have a coma
After the rage and the headaches have passed
You're veggie soup, home to protozoa,
Mosquito lands, time to go home at last..
Fall on your knees,
Pale, burning with fever
Plasmodia
Are in your blood, were in your spleen
Malaria
There's no real cure, just in your dreams...
Harris Stanton: Where Tax Dollars Go
You know where they do send your taxes? They give it to prisons, so prisoners can have weights to lift. You believe that? Weve got muggers and murderers, and theyre getting stronger. So when they get parole, they can mug your ass better than they did before they went in.#joke #short
There was once a young man who...
There was once a young man who, in his youth, professed his desire to become a great writer.When asked to define "great" he said, "I want to write stuff that the whole world will read, stuff that people will react to on a truly emotional level, stuff that will make them scream, cry, howl in pain and anger!"
He now writes error messages for Microsoft Corporation.
#joke
$200
Little Johnny was in his math class one day when the teacher singled him out. "If I gave you $200," the teacher began," and you gave $50 to Mary, $50 to Sally and $50 to Susan, what would you have?""An orgy," Johnny answered.
#joke #short
Three men walked in to a bar. ...
Three men walked in to a bar. You think one of them would have seen it!#joke #short
Ponderings Collection 03
Why is it that when you're driving and looking for an address, you turn down the volume on the radio?
If you have your finger touching the rearview mirror that says -- "objects in mirror are closer than they appear", how can that be possible?
Why is it so hard to remember how to spell MNEMONIC?
If someone invented instant water, what would they mix it with?
Why is it called a TV "set" when you only get one?
Why does your nose run and your feet smell?
Why does an alarm clock "go off" when it begins ringing?
If pro is the opposite of con, is progress the opposite of congress?
Why does "cleave" mean both split apart and stick together?
Why is it, whether you sit up or sit down, the result is the same?
#joke
If God had wanted man to see t...
If God had wanted man to see the sun rise, He would have made it come later in the day.#joke #short
Marina Franklin: Music Too Loud
I had this happen for the first time ever. I had a white girl come to my door and complain about my music being too loud. And I got pissed off. I was like, This is a black neighborhood. Thats what the f**k we do. We play our black music loud. You dont like it, get out. It was messed up -- cause I was playing Simon and Garfunkel.#joke
Which member of the royal fami
Which member of the royal family collects photos of fat women?#joke #short
After Florida coach Steve Spur...
After Florida coach Steve Spurrior passes away and enters the Pearly Gates, God takes him on a tour. He shows Steve a little 2-bedroom house with a faded UF banner hanging from the front porch. "This is your home, Coach. Most people don't get their own house up here," God exclaims.Little Steve looks at the house, then turns around and looks at the one sitting on the top of the hill. It's a huge two-story mansion with white marble columns and little patios under all of the windows. LSU flags line both sides of the sidewalk with a huge purple and gold LSU banner hanging between the marble columns.
"Thanks for the home, God, but let me ask you a question. I get this little 2 bedroom house with a faded Florida banner, and Nick Saban gets a mansion with new LSU banners and flags flying all over the place. Why is that?"
God looks at him seriously for a moment and then replies, "That's not Saban’s house, that's mine!!!!!"
#joke
Answering Machine Message 140
Hi, this is Jim. Sorry I can't take your call but I'm playing my guitar too loud to hear the phone ring. Please leave me a message and I'll call you back at the end of Van Halen-1.
#joke #short
Funny jokes-Strange request
Sammy went to a carpenter and said, "I need a box that is two inches high, two inches wide, and fifty feet long. You think you can make it?"
"Well..." mused the carpenter. "I can do it....but I wonder what would you want a box like that for?"
"It is like this," said Sammy, "my friend moved to a new neighborhood and forgot some things, so he asked me to send him his garden hose."
"Well..." mused the carpenter. "I can do it....but I wonder what would you want a box like that for?"
"It is like this," said Sammy, "my friend moved to a new neighborhood and forgot some things, so he asked me to send him his garden hose."
#joke
