Popular jokes (32926 to 32940)Jokes sorted by popularity on social networks. Popularity is sum of all all comments, likes, pluses, tweets, etc. is new measure, independant from rating with our star rating system. |
One Wish...
A guy walking along the beach finds a bottle and picks it up. A genie pops out and says, "Thanks for letting me out. For your kindness I will grant you one wish."
The guys says, "I've always wanted to go to Hawaii, but I can't because I'm afraid to fly and ships make me deathly sick. My wish is for you to build a road from here to Hawaii."
The genie says, "I'm sorry, but I don't think I can do that. Just think of all the work involved. Think of the huge pilings we'd need to hold up that highway and how deep they would have to be to reach the bottom of the ocean. And think of all the cement that would be needed. Plus, since it's such a long span, there would have to be gas stations and rest stops along the way. No, that's just too much to ask. Impossible."
The guy says, "Well, there is one thing I've always wanted to know. I'd like to be able to understand women...what makes them laugh and cry...you know, what makes them tick."
The genie thinks a second, then asks, "You want two lanes or four?"
Harris Stanton: Where Tax Dollars Go
You know where they do send your taxes? They give it to prisons, so prisoners can have weights to lift. You believe that? Weve got muggers and murderers, and theyre getting stronger. So when they get parole, they can mug your ass better than they did before they went in.The Back Pew
A pastor's wife was expecting a baby, so he stood before the congregation and asked for a raise. After much discussion, they passed a rule that whenever the pastor's family expanded, so would his paycheck.Masturbate?
Why do men masturbate?It's sex with someone they love.
Submitted by Curtis
Edited by Tantilazing
Answering Machine Message 145
Hi. This is John. If you are the phone company, I already sent the money. If you are my parents, please send money. If you are my financial aid institution, you didn't lend me enough money. If you are my friends, you owe me money. If you are a female, don't worry, I have plenty of money.
On the way home from the chris...
On the way home from the christening of his baby brother in church, Little Johnny sat in the back seat, unusually quiet and sad. His father noticed him crying and asked,"What's wrong, little Johnny?"
Between sniffles little Johnny replied, "That priest said he wanted us brought up in a Christian home, and I want to stay with you!!"
Another miracle....
A Lutheran minister is driving down to New York to see the radio show and he's stopped in Connecticut for speeding. The state trooper smells alcohol on his breath and then he sees an empty wine bottle on the floor, and he says, "Sir, have you been drinking?"
And the minister says, "Just water."
The sheriff says, "Then why do I smell wine?"
And the minister looks down at the bottle and says, "Good Lord, He's done it again!"
Send in help...
A guy calls the hospital and a nurse answers the phone.
The guy said, "Send in help because my wife is going into labor."
The nurse said, "Is this her first child?"
The guy replied, "No, this is her husband."
Amusing Humor About The Irish
O'Toole volunteered to take care of his numerous children so that Mom could have an evening out. At bedtime he sent the youngsters upstairs to bed and settled down to read. One child kept creeping down the stairs, but O'Toole kept sending him back up.
At 10 o'clock the doorbell rang. It was the next door neighbor, Mrs. O'Brien. She asked if her son was there and O'Toole said no. Just then a little head appeared over the banister and a voice shouted. "I'm here Mom, but he won't let me go home."
"And how much of that stack of hay did you steal, Kavanaugh?" the priest asked at confession.
"I might as well confess to the whole stack, your Reverence," said Kavanaugh. "I'm goin' after the rest of it tonight!"
Short funny jokes-Returned
Mrs. Hanks commented, "So has my back pain."
