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Popular jokes (4291 to 4305)

Jokes sorted by popularity on social networks. Popularity is sum of all all comments, likes, pluses, tweets, etc. is new measure, independant from rating with our star rating system.

Second opinion

A man went to the doctor for his first prostate exam, and asked the doctor how the procedure is performed.

The doctor replied while putting on his glove and some K-Y jelly around his forefinger, "I insert this finger into your rectum and look for lumps and what not."

"You're going to stick that finger up my ass?" the patient asked.

"Yes." The doctor said.

"While you're at it, I want you to stick two fingers up my ass."

"Why?" asked the doctor

The patient replied, "I want a second opinion."

Submitted by calamjo

Edited by Glaci and Curtis

#joke #doctor
Joke | Source: Jokes of the day - Taken from Bartender's guide to Jokes, Drinks, and Poker - once good site, no longer active.
  • Currently 6.00/10

Rating: 6.0/10 (14)

I'm really good at...

“I'm really good at being lazy. In fact, my doctor even said that if I continue being this lazy I should expect atrophy.”

Joke | Source: Jokes of the Day - Funny puns and jokes - the largest collection of humorous jokes on the internet. New pun added daily.
  • Currently 7.70/10

Rating: 7.7/10 (10)

“The way solar panels

“The way solar panels take energy from sunlight is so absorbing.”

#joke #short
Joke | Source: Jokes of the Day - Funny puns and jokes - the largest collection of humorous jokes on the internet. New pun added daily.
  • Currently 2.00/10

Rating: 2.0/10 (4)

Tractor Salesman

A farmer walked into a bar and saw the local tractor salesman sitting there, head hung low, obviously upset, drowning his sorrows in his beer.
"What's up, John?" asked the farmer.
"Gosh Bob, I'll tell you what ... if I don't sell a tractor soon, I'm gonna have to close my shop."
"Now John, things could be worse," said Bob.
"How do you figure?" asked John.
"Well, John - you know my ornery cow, Bessie? I went to milk her this morning and she just kept flicking her tail in my face. So I grabbed a piece of rope and tied it up to the rafter. Then, the nasty thing went and kicked the bucket away! So I tied her leg to the wall. Then she kicked my stool right out from underneath me! But I was out of rope. So I took my belt off and used it to tie her other leg to the other side of the stall. Well wouldn't you just know it...my damn pants fell down.
And John, if you can convince my wife that I was in there to MILK that cow, I'll buy a tractor from you TODAY!"

#joke #animal #cow #drinks #milk #beer
Joke | Source: Jokes of the Day - Originally taken from site that work no more - Get Frank - NZ's Online Men's Lifestyle Magazine for Fashion, Health, Lifestyle, Recreation Articles & Reviews, Funny jokes and photos updated daily
  • Currently 6.60/10

Rating: 6.6/10 (10)

Head Out On the Highway

I think the scariest part of the song “Born to be Wild”...
Is when they find a head out on the highway.

#joke #short
Joke | Source: A joke a day - Free Jokes of the Day Clean Funny Jokes via Email, Humor and Entertainment
  • Currently 2.86/10

Rating: 2.9/10 (7)

An office exec was interviewin...

An office exec was interviewing a blonde for an assistant position, and wanted to find out a little about her personality.
"If you could have a conversation with anyone, alive or dead, who would it be?"
"I'd have to say the living one."
Joke | Source: Smilezilla - Daily Jokes and Funny Stories
  • Currently 8.49/10

Rating: 8.5/10 (51)

I Get So Drunk That I Imagine Things

The drunk was floundering down the alley carrying a box with holes on the side. He bumped into a friend who asked, "What do you have in there, pal?"
"A mongoose."
"What for?"
"Well, you know how drunk I can get. When I get drunk I see snakes, and I'm scared to death of snakes. That's why I got this mongoose, for protection."
"But," the friend said, "you idiot! Those are imaginary snakes."
"That's okay," said the drunk, showing his friend the interior of the box, "So is the mongoose."
#joke #animal #snake
Joke | Source: Joke of the Day - Jokes served hot and fresh daily.
  • Currently 5.40/10

Rating: 5.4/10 (5)

There is no Ctrl button on Chu...

There is no Ctrl button on Chuck Norris' computer. Chuck Norris is always in control.
Joke | Source: Daily Chuck - Daily Chuck Norris Fact
  • Currently 2.91/10

Rating: 2.9/10 (53)

Chuck Norris does the Sunday N...

Chuck Norris does the Sunday New York Times Crossword Puzzle in ink.
Joke | Source: Daily Chuck - Daily Chuck Norris Fact
  • Currently 3.11/10

Rating: 3.1/10 (63)

Slowing Down

You know you've reached middle age...
When you're cautioned to slow down by your doctor, instead of by the police.

Joke | Source: A joke a day - Free Jokes of the Day Clean Funny Jokes via Email, Humor and Entertainment
  • Currently 9.50/10

Rating: 9.5/10 (10)

A golfer, who was known for hi...

A golfer, who was known for his bad temper, walked into the Pro Shop one day and plunked down big bucks for a new set of woods.
The staff all watched to see what would happen after he used them for the first time - more than half expecting he'd come in and demand his money back.
But the next time he came in, he was all smiles.
"They're the best clubs I've ever had," he said. "In fact, I've discovered I can throw them at least 40 yards farther than I could my last ones."
#joke #sport #golfer
Joke | Source: Smilezilla - Daily Jokes and Funny Stories
  • Currently 7.13/10

Rating: 7.1/10 (8)

Returning home from work, a bl...

Returning home from work, a blonde was shocked to find her house ransacked and burglarized. She telephoned the police at once a nd reported the crime. The police dispatcher broadcast the call on the radio, and a K-9 unit, patrolling nearby, was the first to respond.
As the K-9 officer approached the house with his dog on a leash, the blonde ran out on the porch, shuddered at the sight of the cop and his dog, then sat down on the steps. Putting her face in her hands, she moaned, 'I come home to find all my possessions stolen. I call the police for help, and what do they do? They send me a BLIND policeman!'
Joke | Source: jokes warehouse - Animal jokes, Blonde jokes, doctor jokes, drunk jokes and jokes of the day
  • Currently 6.92/10

Rating: 6.9/10 (25)

The Wisdom of Yoda continued

The Wisdom of Yoda continued
#joke #short
Joke | Source: Friars Club - For over 25 years the Sunshine Committee has been providing entertainment, companionship and love to children's and senior citizens centers in the NY area.
  • Currently 6.71/10

Rating: 6.7/10 (7)

As a necrophiliac, there...

As a necrophiliac, there's always plots to do.
#joke #short
Joke | Source: Pun Gents - Daily Jokes, One-liners, Groaners, Puns of the day :: Puns on Demand :: Punshine Girls and Boys!
  • Currently 3.00/10

Rating: 3.0/10 (2)

Once there was a golfer whose...

Once there was a golfer whose drive landed on an anthill. Rather than move the ball, he decided to hit it where it lay. He gave a mighty swing. Clouds of dirt and sand and ants exploded from the spot. Everything but the golfball. It sat in the same spot.
So he lined up and tried another shot. Clouds of dirt and sand and ants went flying again. The golf ball didn't even wiggle.
Two ants survived. One dazed ant said to the other, "Whoa! What are we going to do?"
Said the other ant: "I don't know about you, but I'm going to get on the ball."
#joke #animal #ant #sport #golf #golfer
Joke | Source: jokes warehouse - Animal jokes, Blonde jokes, doctor jokes, drunk jokes and jokes of the day
  • Currently 9.17/10

Rating: 9.2/10 (6)

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