Popular jokes (4801 to 4815)Jokes sorted by popularity on social networks. Popularity is sum of all all comments, likes, pluses, tweets, etc. is new measure, independant from rating with our star rating system. |
One night, a man on his way...
One night, a man on his way home happened upon a drunk, down on his hands and knees searching for something under a street light. The man asked the drunk what he was looking for so diligently and the drunk said he had tripped and his Rolex wrist watch had broken loose from his wrist. The man, being a kindhearted soul, got down on his hands and knees and began assisting the drunk looking for his watch. After about ten minutes without any success, the man asked the drunk exactly where he tripped. "About a half a block up the street," the drunk said. "Why, pray tell," the man asked the drunk, "are you looking for your watch here if you lost it a half a block up the street?" The drunk replied, "The light is a lot better here."
Heart Attack
A middle-aged woman had a heart attack and was taken to the hospital. While on the operating table, she had a near death experience. Seeing God, she asked, "Is my time up?"
God said, "No, you have another 43 years, two months and eight days To live." Upon recovery, the woman decided to stay in the hospital and have a facelift, liposuction and tummy tuck. Since she had so much more time to live, she figured she might as well look even nicer. After her Last operation, she was released from the hospital. While crossing the street on her way home, she was killed by an ambulance.
Arriving in front of God, she demanded, "I thought you said I had another 40 years? Why didn't you pull me out of the path of that ambulance?"
God replied, "Girl, I didn't even recognize you."
Someday
I told my kids, "Someday, you'll have kids of your own."
One of them said, "So will you."
Chuck Norris originally appear...
Chuck Norris originally appeared in the "Street Fighter II" video game, but was removed by Beta Testers because every button caused him to do a roundhouse kick. When asked about this "glitch," Chuck replied, "That's no glitch."Improvements in Hell
An engineer died and ended up in Hell. He was not pleased with the level of comfort in Hell, and began to redesign and build improvements. After awhile, they had toilets that flush, air conditioning, and escalators. Everyone grew very fond of him. One day God called to Satan to mock him, "So, how's it going down there in Hell?"
Satan replied, "Hey, things are great. We've got air conditioning and flush toilets and escalators, and there's no telling what this engineer is going to come up with next." God was surprised, "What? You've got an engineer? That's a mistake. He should never have gotten down there in the first place. Send him back up here."
"No way," replied Satan. "I like having an engineer, and I'm keeping him."
God threatened, "Send him back up here now or I'll sue!"
Satan laughed and answered, "Yeah, right. And just where are YOU going to get a lawyer?"
New Year jokes-Optimist and Pessimist
An optimist stays up to see the New Year in. A pessimist waits to make sure the old one leaves. - Bill Vaughan
Squirrel in a Hurricane
Where do Squirrels go during Hurricanes?
Pretty Much anywhere depending on how fast the wind is blowing
There Are No Dogs Allowed Here
A man goes to a bar with his dog. He goes up to the bar and asks for a drink. The bartender says "You can't bring that dog in here!" The guy, without missing a beat, says "This is my seeing-eye dog." "Oh man, " the bartender says, "I'm sorry, here, the first one's on me." The man takes his drink and goes to a table near the door.
Another guy walks in the bar with a Chihuahua. The first guys sees him, stops him and says "You can't bring that dog in here unless you tell him it's a seeing-eye dog." The second man graciously thanks the first man and continues to the bar. He asks for a drink. The bartender says "Hey, you can't bring that dog in here!"
The second man replies "This is my seeing-eye dog." The bartender says, "No, I don't think so. They do not have Chiwauas as seeing-eye dogs." The man pauses for a half-second and replies "What?!?! They gave me a Chihuahua?!?"
I have a cool aunt
I have a cool aunt. I call her Auntie Freeze.iPhone 11 Max cameras
Why do the iPhone 11 Max cameras look like a stove?
Because Tim cooks!
Author Peter Pirc
Are Caterpillars Good To Eat?
Johnny: Daddy, are caterpillars good to eat?Father: Have I not told you never to mention such things during meals!
Mother: Why did you say that, Junior? Why did you ask the question?
Johnny: It's because I saw one on daddy's lettuce, but now it's gone.
Fig Leaf Found
A little boy opened the large old family Bible, and he looked with fascination at the ancient pages as he turned them one by one.He was still in Genesis when something fell out of the Bible. He picked it up and looked at it closely. It was a very large old tree leaf that had been pressed between the pages of the Bible long ago."Momma, look what I found!" the boy called out."What do you have there?" his mother asked.With astonishment in his voice, the young boy answered, "I think it's Adam's underwear!" 
