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Popular jokes (5011 to 5025)

Jokes sorted by popularity on social networks. Popularity is sum of all all comments, likes, pluses, tweets, etc. is new measure, independant from rating with our star rating system.

A man went to the Police Stati...

A man went to the Police Station wishing to speak with the burglar who had broken into his house the night before.
"You'll get your chance in court," said the Desk Sergeant.
"No, no, no!" said the man. "I want to know how he got into the house without waking my wife. I've been trying to do that for years!"
#joke #policeman
Joke | Source: Smilezilla - Daily Jokes and Funny Stories
  • Currently 8.79/10

Rating: 8.8/10 (19)

Back to the Honeymoon

A couple married thirty years were revisiting the same places they went to on their honeymoon. Driving through the secluded countryside, they passed a ranch with a tall deer fence running along the road.
The woman said, "Sweetheart, let's do the same thing we did here thirty years ago."
The guy stopped the car. His wife backed against the fence, and they made love like never before.
Back in the car, the guy says, "Darling, you sure never moved like That thirty years ago, or any time since that I can remember!"
The woman says, "thirty years ago that fence wasn't electrified!"

#joke #animal #deer
Joke | Source: Jokes of the Day - Originally taken from site that work no more - Get Frank - NZ's Online Men's Lifestyle Magazine for Fashion, Health, Lifestyle, Recreation Articles & Reviews, Funny jokes and photos updated daily
  • Currently 7.13/10

Rating: 7.1/10 (8)

T.J. Miller: Holding a Baby

This woman wouldnt let me hold her baby the other day because she said I was too drunk. First of all, dont bring your baby into the bar. And second of all, if Im drinking malt liquor on a playground, I call that a bar.
#joke #short
Joke | Source: Comedy Central: Jokes - Jokes provided daily from Comedy Central's archive.
  • Currently 2.94/10

Rating: 2.9/10 (62)

How to stop snoring?

See how clever wife stops snoring of her husband.

#joke #short
Joke | Source: Jokes of The Day - By Jokes of the day visitor
  • Currently 7.67/10

Rating: 7.7/10 (6)

After trying a new shampoo for...

After trying a new shampoo for the first time a man fired off an enthusiastic letter of approval to the manufacturer.
Several weeks later he came home from work to a large carton on his porch. Inside were free samples of the many products the company produced: soaps, detergents, tooth paste, and paper items, etc.
"Well, what do you think?" his wife asked smiling.
"Next time," he replied. "I'm writing to General Motors!"
#joke
Joke | Source: Smilezilla - Daily Jokes and Funny Stories
  • Currently 6.50/10

Rating: 6.5/10 (4)

Two-timer

Mrs. Donnell said to her maid: "Oh Mary, I suspect that my husband is having an affair with his secretary."

"I don't believe it," Mary snapped: "you're just saying that to make me jealous."

#joke #short
Joke | Source: Jokes of the Day - Originally taken from site that work no more - Get Frank - NZ's Online Men's Lifestyle Magazine for Fashion, Health, Lifestyle, Recreation Articles & Reviews, Funny jokes and photos updated daily
  • Currently 7.13/10

Rating: 7.1/10 (8)

Mo Mandel: Bought But Never Used

Our high school coach got caught with meth at a game. And he told the school that he had bought it, but never used it. Ive never bought drugs and not used them. Right? Theyre not condoms.
#joke #short
Joke | Source: Comedy Central: Jokes - Jokes provided daily from Comedy Central's archive.
  • Currently 4.54/10

Rating: 4.5/10 (46)

Error Messages in Japan

In Japan, they have replaced the impersonal and unhelpful Microsoft Error messages with Haiku poetry messages.
Haiku poetry has strict construction rules.
Each poem has only 3 lines, 17 syllables: five syllables in the first line, seven in the second, five in the third.
Haikus are used to communicate a timeless message, often achieving a wistful, yearning, and powerful insight  through extreme brevity -- the essence of Zen.

Your file was too big.
It might be very useful.
But now it is gone.
-------------------------------
The Web site you seek
Cannot be located, but
Countless more exist.
------------------------------
Chaos reigns within.
Reflect, repent, and reboot.
Order shall return.
-----------------------------
Program aborting:
Close all that you have worked on.
You ask far too much.
------------------------------
Windows 10 crashed.
I am the Blue Screen of Death.
No one hears your screams.
------------------------------
Yesterday it worked.
Today it is not working.
Windows is like that.

#joke
Joke | Source: Friars Club - For over 25 years the Sunshine Committee has been providing entertainment, companionship and love to children's and senior citizens centers in the NY area.
  • Currently 7.67/10

Rating: 7.7/10 (6)

Give A Bald Man A Comb

What did the bald man exclaim when he received a comb for a present?
"Thanks, I’ll never part with it!"

#joke #short
Joke | Source: A joke a day - Free Jokes of the Day Clean Funny Jokes via Email, Humor and Entertainment
  • Currently 7.67/10

Rating: 7.7/10 (6)

“The poet wrote an od

“The poet wrote an ode about a tractor. It was a classic case of man verses machine.”

#joke #short
Joke | Source: Jokes of the Day - Funny puns and jokes - the largest collection of humorous jokes on the internet. New pun added daily.
  • Currently 6.50/10

Rating: 6.5/10 (4)

Marriage Counseling

A husband and wife came for counselling after 25 years of marriage. When asked what the problem was, the wife went into an angry tirade listing each and every problem they had ever had in the 25 years they had been married.
She went on and on: neglect, lack of intimacy, emptiness, loneliness, feeling unloved and unloveable, a long list of unmet needs she had endured over the course of their quarter century of marriage.
Finally, after allowing this to go on for a sufficient length of time, the therapist stood up, walked around his desk and, asking the wife to stand, embraced her and kissed her passionately on the mouth.
The woman shut up and, in a daze, quietly sat down;. The therapist turned to the husband and said, "This is what your wife needs at least seven times a week. Do you think you can do this?"
The husband thought for a moment and replied, "Well, Doc, I can drop her off here on Mondays and Wednesdays, but on the other days I play golf."

#joke #monday #sport #golf
Joke | Source: Jokes of the Day - Originally taken from site that work no more - Get Frank - NZ's Online Men's Lifestyle Magazine for Fashion, Health, Lifestyle, Recreation Articles & Reviews, Funny jokes and photos updated daily
  • Currently 7.54/10

Rating: 7.5/10 (13)

Baseball is a team effort

Baseball is a team effort. Especially the bullpen. Everyone has to pitch inning.
#joke #short #sport #baseball
Joke | Source: Pun Gents - Daily Jokes, One-liners, Groaners, Puns of the day :: Puns on Demand :: Punshine Girls and Boys!
  • Currently 1.57/10

Rating: 1.6/10 (7)

My wife is better

Jake and his buddy Fred visit a brothel. Jake goes into the room with the prostitute first while Fred waits outside.

When he's done, Jake closes the door behind him and says: "Don't waste your time. My wife's better."

But Fred goes in anyway. When he emerges 15 minutes later, he shakes his head in disappointment and says:

"Damn, Jake, you were right. Your wife is better."

#joke
Joke | Source: Jokes of the Day - Originally taken from site that work no more - Get Frank - NZ's Online Men's Lifestyle Magazine for Fashion, Health, Lifestyle, Recreation Articles & Reviews, Funny jokes and photos updated daily
  • Currently 7.70/10

Rating: 7.7/10 (10)

An English teacher reminds her...

An English teacher reminds her students of the written test in her class tomorrow:
"Now, I don't want anyone to miss this important finals exam! I will not tolerate any excuse whatsoever for your absence--unless of course you had to go to the hospital because of a serious injury, or someone died in your immediate family."
Just after she spoke, a wise ass in the back of the class exclaims: "Well, what if I were to tell you that I didn't show up for the test because I experienced complete and utter sexual exhaustion?"
The students in the class try to suppress their snickers and muffled laughter.
The teacher looks sympathetically towards the young man, smiles slyly and states: "Well, then...you'll have to write with your other hand".
#joke
Joke | Source: jokes warehouse - Animal jokes, Blonde jokes, doctor jokes, drunk jokes and jokes of the day
  • Currently 8.00/10

Rating: 8.0/10 (16)

fish's favourite cheese

What's a Fish's favourite cheese?
Manta-ray jack!
#joke #short #animal #fish #food #cheese
Joke | Source: Pun Gents - Daily Jokes, One-liners, Groaners, Puns of the day :: Puns on Demand :: Punshine Girls and Boys!
  • Currently 3.00/10

Rating: 3.0/10 (2)

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