Popular jokes (6061 to 6075)

A blond and her blond boyfrien...

A blond and her blond boyfriend went for a walk along the river. The blond walked across alone on a wooden bridge. After crossing the river, the bridge fell down. She called across to her blond boyfriend telling him that she couldn't get back.
He yelled in response, "Wait until dark, and I will shine my flash light across the river. Get on the light beam and walk back."
She replied, "No, I'll get half way across the river, and you will turn the light off on me!"

After Dinner Routine

Both my wife and I are bad cooks.
Our cooking is so bad, that our kids have started praying after we've had dinner.

A sailor has courage...

“A sailor has courage by the boatload.”

Colin Quinn: New Yorkers Take a Compliment

You can always tell who was raised in New York by how they take a compliment when theyre an adult. Nice haircut. Screw you. Whats wrong with it?

A family is at the dinner tabl...

A family is at the dinner table. The son asks his father, "Dad, how many kinds of boobies are there?
The father, surprised, answers, "Well, son, there's three kinds of breasts. In her twenties, a women's breasts are like melons, round and firm. In her thirties to forties, they are like pears, still nice but hanging a bit. After fifty, they are like onions."
"Onions?"
"Yes, you see them and they make you cry."
This infuriated his wife and daughter so the daughter said, "Mum, how many kinds of 'willies' are there?"
The mother, surprised, smiles and answers, "Well dear, a man goes through three phases. In his twenties, his willy is like an oak tree, mighty and hard. In his thirties and forties, it is a birch, flexible but reliable. After his fifties, it is like a Christmas tree."
"A Christmas tree?"
"Yes, dead from the root up and the balls are for decoration only."

Honey, said this husband to his wife...

"Honey," said this husband to his wife, "I invited a friend home for supper."
"What? Are you crazy? The house is a mess, I didn't go shopping, all the dishes are dirty, and I don't feel like cooking a fancy meal!"
"I know all that."
"Then, why did you invite a friend for supper?"
"Because the poor guy is thinking about getting married."

Why God Created Eve

10. God was worried that Adam would frequently become lost

in the Garden.

9. God knew that one day Adam would require someone to

locate and hand him the remote.

8. God knew Adam would never go out and buy himself a new

fig leaf when his wore out and would therefore need Eve to

buy one for him.

7. God knew Adam would never be able to make a doctor's,

dentist, or haircut appointment for himself.

6. God knew Adam would never remember which night to put the

garbage on the curb.

5. God knew if the world was to be populated, men would

never be able to

handle the pain and discomfort of childbearing.

4. As the Keeper of the Garden, Adam would never remember

where he left his tools.

3. Apparently, Adam needed someone to blame his troubles on

when God caught him hiding in the garden.

2. As the Bible says, It is not good for man to be alone!

And finally, the Number 1 reason why God created Eve...

1. When God finished the creation of Adam, He stepped back,

scratched his head, and said, "I can do better than that."

Jobs

Teacher to a student: "Can you think of a solution to end unemployment?"

"Yes, sir! I'd put all the men on one island and the women on another."

"And what would they be doing then?"

"Building boats!"

I Am Not Forgetful

Three ladies were discussing the travails of getting older. One said, "Sometimes I catch myself with a jar of mayonnaise in my hand, while standing in front of the refrigerator, and I can't remember whether I need to put it away, or start making a sandwich."
The second lady chimed in with, "Yes, sometimes I find myself on the landing of the stairs and can't remember whether I was on my way up or on my way down."
The third one responded, " Well, ladies, I'm glad I don't have that problem. Knock on wood," as she rapped her knuckles on the table, and then said, "That must be the door, I'll get it!"

Monday

I HATE MONDAY!!!

A Fart Smeller or A Smart Feller

Theres a woman that has a big problem when it came to farting. She farts all the time, yet is never able to smell or hear them. So one day she decides to go to the doctor about the problem. She tells him how she is always leaving these long, hard farts that she can never smell or hear. The doctor thinks about it and sends her home with some pills, telling her to come back a week later. When she comes back to his office, she tells him how she still is having these horrible farts, but now they smell like rotting eggs. The doctors only reaction to this was... Its good to know we cleared up your sinuses. Now to work on your hearing....

Hecklers Anonymous

Hecklers Anonymous meeting...
Tonight - 7pm!
Bring your own boos!

Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac got...

Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac got together and got married in Loan Town, USA. And had a baby the banks called Foreclosure, and they lived unhappily ever after in their new economy life styles.

When I suggested that washing

When I suggested that washing your clothes in the toilet is a good idea, I was met with in crud dull a tee.

For her role in kidnapping the 101...

For her role in kidnapping the 101 spotted dogs, Cruella De Ville was sentenced to the fires of eternal dalmation.