Popular jokes (6166 to 6180)Jokes sorted by popularity on social networks. Popularity is sum of all all comments, likes, pluses, tweets, etc. is new measure, independant from rating with our star rating system. |
Price Check on Tampax
When Jane reached the checkout counter, she learned that oneof her items had no price tag. Imagine her embarrassment when
the checker got on the intercom and boomed out for all the
store to hear, "Price check on Tampax, supersize please."
As if that was not bad enough, somebody at the rear of the
store misunderstood the word "Tampax" for "thumbtacks."
In a business-like tone, a voice boomed back over the
intercom, "Do you want the kind you push in with your thumb
or the kind you pound in with a hammer?"
I don't want any publicity
"I don't want any publicity – you get too many begging letters. If they're anything like the ones I send out I don't want to know!"
Tony Hancock (1924-1968)
Picture: Rex Features
Jewish Brothers....
Four Jewish brothers left home for college, and eventually, they became successful doctors, and lawyers -- and prospered.
Some years later, they chatted after having dinner together. They discussed the gifts that they were able to give to their elderly mother, who lived far away in another city.
The first said, 'I had a big house built for Mama'.
The second said, I had a hundred thousand dollar theatre built in the house. The third said, 'I had my Mercedes dealer deliver her a SL 600 with a chauffeur.'
The fourth said, 'Listen to this. You know how Mama loved reading the Torah and you know she can't anymore because she can't see very well. I met this Rabbi who told me about a parrot that can recite the entire Torah. It took twenty rabbis 12 years to teach him. I had to pledge to contribute $100,000 a year for twenty years to the temple, but it was worth it. Mama just has to name the chapter and verse and the parrot will recite it.' The other brothers were impressed.
After the holidays Mama sent out her Thank You notes.
She wrote: Milton -- Bubbileh, the house you built is so huge, I live in only one room, but I have to clean the whole house. Thanks anyway.
Marvin -- Mine Sheyne Kindele, I am too old to travel. I stay home. I have my groceries delivered, so I never use the Mercedes and the driver you hired is a Nazi. The thought was good. Thanks.
Irving Tataleh, you give me an expensive theatre with Dolby sound, it could hold 50 people, but all my friends are dead. I've lost my hearing and I'm nearly blind. I'll never use it. Thank you for the gesture just the same.
Dearest Melvin --you were the only son to have the good sense to give a little thought to your gift. The Chicken was delicious!!!
A blonde was driving down the ...
A blonde was driving down the road and she looks up and she sees a tree so she swerves to the left.The tree is still nfront of her so she swerves to the right, this time her car rolls into the ditch.
When the Police Officer came to the scene of the accident the blonde told the Police Officer about the tree that was in front of her. The officer kindly explained that the tree was the green air freshener hanging off her rear view mirror.
Funny jokes-Tap dancing duck
After some wheeling and dealing, they settled for $10,000 for the duck and the pot. Three days later the circus owner runs back to the bar in anger, "Your duck is a ripoff! I put him on the pot before a whole audience, and he didn't dance a single step!"
"So?" asked the ducks former owner, "did you remember to light the candle under the pot?"
All I Want for Christmas
Bobbie to neighbor: “What are you getting your children for Christmas?”
Neighbor: “Well, if my husband doesn’t stop staying out until three in the morning, I’ll give them a new dad.”
Boss Issues
A boss was complaining in a staff meeting the other day that he wasn't getting any respect. Later that morning he went to a local sign shop and bought a small sign that read, "I'm the Boss". He then taped it to his office door.
Later that day when he returned from lunch, he found that someone had taped a note to the sign that said. "Your wife called, she wants her sign back!"
Our Dog Daisy!!
Our dog Daisy, sleeps about 20 hours a day.
Her food prepared for her. She can eat whenever she wants, 24/7/365. Her meals are provided at no cost to her .
She visits the Dr. once a year for her checkup, and again during the year if any medical needs arise.
For this she pays nothing and nothing is required of her. She lives in a nice neighborhood on Park Ave., in an Apartment that is much larger than she needs, and she is not required to do any upkeep.
If she makes a mess, someone else cleans it up.
She has her choice of luxurious places to sleep.
She receives these accommodations absolutely free.
She is living like a Queen, and has absolutely no expenses whatsoever.
All of her costs are picked up by others who go out and earn a living every day.
I was just thinking about all this, and suddenly it hit me like a brick in the head,
............Our dog Daisy is a Democrat!
A dozen thoughts...
A dozen thoughts1. Part of a best friend's job should be to immediately clear your computer's history when you die.
2. Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realize you're wrong.
3. I totally take back all those times when I was younger that I didn't want to nap.
4. Why isn't there a sarcasm font? I really need one!
5. Why doesn't Map Quest start their directions on #5? I'm pretty sure I know how to get out of my own neighborhood ...
6. Obituaries would be a lot more interesting if they told you how the person died.
7. Bad decisions make good stories.
8. You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment at work when you know that you just aren't going to do anything productive for the rest of the day.
9. Can we all just agree to ignore whatever comes after Blu- Ray? I don't want to have to restart my collection ... again.
10. I hate it when I miss a call by the last ring (Hello? Hello? D@mmit!), but when I immediately call back, it rings nine times and then goes to voicemail. What'd you do after I didn't answer? Drop the phone and run away?
11. I hate leaving my house confident and looking good and then don't seeing anyone I'd like to impress the entire day. What a waste!
12. I disagree with Kay Jewelers. I would bet on any given Friday or Saturday night, more kisses begin with a Budweiser than Kay.
A man was seen fleeing down th...
A man was seen fleeing down the hall of the hospital just before his operation."What's the matter?" he was asked.
He said, "I heard the nurse say, 'It's a very simple operation, don't worry, I'm sure it will be all right.'"
"She was just trying to comfort you, what's so frightening about that?"
"She wasn't talking to me. She was talking to the doctor."
