Popular jokes (7396 to 7410)Jokes sorted by popularity on social networks. Popularity is sum of all all comments, likes, pluses, tweets, etc. is new measure, independant from rating with our star rating system. |
The phone rings and the lady o
The phone rings and the lady of the house answers, 'Hello.''Mrs. Sanders, please.'
'Speaking.'
'Mrs. Sanders, this is Doctor Jones at Saint Agnes Laboratory. When your husband's doctor sent his biopsy to the lab last week, a biopsy from another Mr. Sanders arrived as well. We are now uncertain which one belongs to your husband. Frankly, either way the results are not too good.'
'What do you mean?' Mrs. Sanders asks nervously.
'Well, one of the specimens tested positive for Alzheimer's and the other one tested positive for HIV. We can't tell which is which.'
'That's dreadful! Can you do the test again?' questioned Mrs. Sanders.
'Normally we can, but Medicare will only pay for these expensive tests one time.'
'Well, what am I supposed to do now?'
'The folks at Medicare recommend that you drop your husband off somewhere in the middle of town. If he finds his way home, don't sleep with him.'
#joke #doctor
Tig: Going on a Binge
I went on a hard core drinking and smoking binge, and it lasted right about nine months. And then, as soon as I was born, I was like, Whew! Do not go in there.#joke #short
When are amphibians cutest? Wh
When are amphibians cutest? When they're toaddlers. They're cute right from the gecko.#joke #short
Chuck Norris does not go hunti...
Chuck Norris does not go hunting. Chuck Norris goes killing.Cajun Confession
Boudreaux was feeling guilty, so he went to confession. "Father, I kinda took a little lumber from that new construction site." Priest: "What did you do with the lumber, my son?"Boudreaux: "Well, Father, my porch, she's had a hole for a long time. I'm 'fraid someone will break their leg, so I fix the hole."Priest: "Well, that's not so bad."Boudreaux: "Well, Father, I had a little lumber left."Priest: "What did you do with it?"Boudreaux: "Well, my poor dog, Phideaux, he ain't never had no place to get outta the weather, so I make him his own little doghouse."Priest: "OK, anything else?"Boudreaux: "Well, Father, I had a little lumber left. So you know, my truck, she ain't never had no place to get outta de weather either, so I make her a two car garage."Priest: "Now, this is getting a little out of hand."Boudreaux: "Well, Father, I still had a little lumber left."Priest: "Yes?"Boudreaux: "Well, my wife, she always want a bigger house. So I add two bedrooms and a new bathroom."Priest: "OK! That's definitely too much. For your penance, you are going to have to make a Novena. You do know how to make a Novena, don't you?"Boudreaux: "No, Father... But, if you got the plans, I got the lumber."What do you call a Spaniard wh...
What do you call a Spaniard who loses his car?Carlos
#joke #short
Do botanists play the ...
Do botanists play the xylem-phloem?#joke #short
Two very elderly men were havi...
Two very elderly men were having a conversation about sex.Elmer says, "Yessir, I did it three times last night with a 30 year old!"
Leon replies, "You're kidding! I can't even manage to do it once! What's your secret?"
To which Elmer said, "Well, the secret is to eat lots of whole-wheat bread. I'm not kidding!"
So the second old man rushed to the store.
The clerk asks the old man, "May I help you?'
"Yes, I'd like four loaves of whole-wheat bread, please," said Leon.
"That's a lot of bread! It's sure to get hard before you're done!" the clerk remarked.
Leon replies, "Damn! Does everyone know about this except me?"
#joke #food #bread
Things to do in an elevator...
When people get on, ask for their tickets.When there's only one other person in the elevator, tap them on the shoulder and then pretend it wasn't you.
Ask if you can push the button for other people, but push the wrong ones.
Hold the doors open and say you're waiting for your friend. After a while, let the doors close and say, 'Hi Mike. How's your day been?'
Drop a pen and wait until someone reaches to help pick it up, say 'that's mine!'
Push your floor button with your nose.
Stand alone, and when the doors open tell people trying to get on that the car is full and that they should wait for the next one.
Ride naked.
Push the top floor button and announce that you tried to kill yourself yesterday but the other building wasn't high enough.
#joke
A bishop, a boy scout and the ...
A bishop, a boy scout and the Brain of Britain were passengers in a small plane. The pilot announced serious trouble and asked everyone to leave the aircraft. However, there were only two parachutes, so the bishop suggested that as he was the oldest, he should stay behind. The scout said: "Don't worry sir! There are still two parachutes. The Brain of Britain has jumped using my haversack!"#joke
New Ticket Technology
A motorist was mailed a picture of his car speeding through an automated radar. A $40 speeding ticket was included. Being cute, he sent the police department a picture of $40. The police responded with another mailed photo-of handcuffs.
#joke #short #policeman
