Popular jokes (8026 to 8040)Jokes sorted by popularity on social networks. Popularity is sum of all all comments, likes, pluses, tweets, etc. is new measure, independant from rating with our star rating system. |
Christmas Alphabet
How many letters are in the Christmas alphabet?
25... there's no 'L'...
Two couples went on a vacation...
Two couples went on a vacation together. One of the men stated, "Our sex life has become routine and fairly predictable, don't you ever get tired of your wife?""I know exactly what you mean, I wonder if our wives will consent to swapping."
Much to their amazement the women consented to the arrangement. Early the next morning the husbands compared notes.
"How was it?"
"Wonderful, I haven't had this much fun in ages!"
"Me, too. Now let's go see how the ladies made out."
So Thor!
One day the norse god Thor was looking down upon the earth and was watching couples amking out in a park. He decided that this looked like fun, so with a clap of thunder, Thor was walking around the park as a human man. He came upon a young beautiful girl sitting alone and asked if he could join her. The girl replied "For THURE" and Thor gathered that the girl had a lisp but figured as good as she looked, what the heck, so he sits down and soon they were making out like the other couples. As her passions grew, she finally said, "wait a minute, wait a minute, lets go back to my plath!" so the left and went into her apartment and let nature take its course. After about 18 hours of nonstop sex, she says "hold up, i gotha go pith!" and she gets up to go use the bathroom. While she's gone Thor lies thinking to himself, "surely by now she realizes that I'm no mere mortal man, I should tell her who I am". So when she re-enters the room, Thor is standing on the end of the bed, pounding his chest and declares "I'm THOR!" the exhausted girl lokks at him and yells "You're Thor, I'm tho thore that i cant even pith!!!
Lightbulb...Californians
How many Californians does it take to screw in a light bulb?Californians don't screw in light bulbs they screw in hot tubs.
Q: Why was the math book sad...
Q: Why was the math book sadA: Because it had too many problems
Better Than Botox?
Q. What's the name of a face lotion developed for Jewish women?
A. Oil of Oy Vey
- Joke shared by Beliefnet member BeliefnetSabee
Five guys were in a bar. Feeli...
Five guys were in a bar. Feeling slightly sloshed, they started to argue with each other about the size of their penises.Eventually the discussion escalated into a full-blown argument, with each man thinking his penis was the biggest. The bartender suggested, "Put them on the bar so we can compare."
The drunks did just that. Shortly, a gay man came in the bar, looked around, and said to the bartender, "I think I'll have the buffet."
Homework Help
Parents are expected to participate in their childrens education, and my friends were no exception. They gladly help their fifth-grade son, John, whenever hes stumped. One day after school, John ran into the house waving a paper in the air. Hey, Mom, great news! There were only three mistakes on my math homework, he announced. You made one, Dad made one and I made one!
Sodium Hypobromite
Science teacher: "Does anyone here know what sodium hypobromite is?"
Student: "NaBrO!"
Dirty Paddy
An Irish wife was having a shower and slipped over on the bathroom floor. Instead of slipping over forwards, she slipped over and did the splits and suctioned herself to the floor.She yelled out for her husband. 'Paddy! Paddy!' she yelled.
Paddy came running in. 'Paddy I've suctioned myself to the floor,' she said.
'Ohhh nooo! Paddy said and tried to pull her up. 'You're just too heavy, love. I'll go across the road and get Shamus.'
Paddy comes back with Shamus and they both tried to pull her up.
'Nope, I can't do it,' Shamus said, 'Let's try plan C.'
'Plan C?' exclaimed Paddy. 'What's that?'
'I'll go home and get my hammer and chisel and we will break the tiles under her.'
'Oh okay,' Paddy said. 'While you're doing that I'll stay here and play with her tits.'
'Play with her tits?' Shamus said. 'Why would you do that? This is hardly the time.'
Paddy replied, 'Well, I figure if I can get her wet enough, we can slide her into the kitchen where the tiles aren't so expensive to replace.'
Housework
Housework was a woman's job, but one evening, Jenny arrived home from work to find the children bathed, one load of laundry in the washer and another in the dryer. Dinner was on the stove, and the table set. She was astonished!It turns out that Ralph had read an article that said, 'Wives who work full-time and had to do their own housework were too tired to have sex'.Know Your Priorities....
A farmer was munching on a cookie, as he watches the rooster chase a hen around.
Playfully, the farmer throws a piece of cookie to the ground. Seeing it, the rooster stops chasing the hen and runs to the piece of cookie.
The farmer shakes his head slowly and says, "Gosh, I hope I never get THAT hungry."
While watching a football game...
While watching a football game, two friends are talking during a commercial. One guy says, "My wife said I put football before our marriage."The other guy says, "Oh, she's exaggerating."
First guy says, "I thought so, too, because I just took her out for a really nice celebration of our third season together!"
