Popular jokes (8416 to 8430)

“Can a well-rounded i

“Can a well-rounded individual become flattered?”

An Imam's Sad Announcement

An imam shocked his community when he announced that he was resigning from and moving to a drier climate. Afterwards, a very distraught lady came to the imam with tears in her eyes, "Oh, imam, we are going to miss you so much. We don't want you to leave!" The kind-hearted imam said, "Now, now, sister, don't carry on. The imam who takes my place might be even better than me.""Yeah," she replied, with a tone of disappointment in her voice, "that's what the last imam said, too."-

"Sweating bullets" is literall...

"Sweating bullets" is literally what happens when Chuck Norris gets too hot.

Slogans....

A class professor was giving a lecture on company slogans and was asking his students if they were familiar with them.

"Joe," he asked, "which company has the slogan, 'come fly the friendly skies'?"

Joe answered the correct airline.

"Brenda, can you tell me which company has the slogan, "Don't leave home without it?"

Brenda answered the correct credit card company with no difficulty.

"Now John, Tell me which company bears the slogan, 'Just do it'?"

And John answered, "Mom...."

Blonde Light

Q: How do you make a blonde's eyes light up?

A: Put a flashlight in her ear.

Rory Albanese: Program for Kids

I bought a bunch of land in upstate New York, and I built a bunch of cabins and bunks and things on it. Figured, Im going to start a summer program for kids with ADD. I dont know, no one showed up. I dont know what I did wrong. I was calling it: Concentration Camp.

“When you buy a cork

“When you buy a cork board, do you pay thumb tax?”

Kids in Church

Six-year-old Angie and her four-year-old brother Joel were sitting together in church. Joel giggled, sang, and talked out loud. Finally, his big sister had enough of his antics.
"You're not supposed to talk out loud in church."
"Why? Who's going to stop me?" Joel asked.
Angie pointed to the back of the church and said, "See those two men standing by the door? They're hushers."

What's the most influent

What's the most influential website among amphibians?
Rebbit.

If you overcook the lettuce-wr

If you overcook the lettuce-wrapped mutton, I'll burn ewe in a veggie.

Thoroughbred or nag?

If a man has enough horse sense to treat his wife like a thoroughbred, she will never turn into an old nag.

There was a German, Swedish an

There was a German, Swedish and a Polish guy stranded on a Island.
They find a genie bottle in the water, they rub it and a genie pops out.
The genie says since there is three of you, each one gets one wish, so he starts with the German guy and asks him what he wishes.
He says, "I miss my wife and family very much so I would like to be back home."
Poof, the German guy is gone.
Then the genie asked the Swedish guy what his wish will be and he says, "I also miss my wife and family very much I would like to go home too.
Poof, the Swedish guy is gone.
Then the genie asked the Polish guy what his wish will be and he says, "You know I miss the other two guys very much I wish they would come back."
Poof -- the German and Swedish guys came back.

I Don't Want to Go

Thanksgiving day was approaching and the family had received a Thanksgiving card with a painting of a pilgrim family on their way to church.
Grandma showed the card to her small grandchildren, observing: "The Pilgrim children liked to go to church with their mothers and fathers."
"Oh yeah?" her young grandson replied, "So why is their dad carrying that rifle?"

The Interview

A blonde goes for a job interview in an office. The

interviewer decides to start with the basics. 'So, Miss, can

you tell us your age, please?'

The blonde counts

carefully on her fingers for about 30 seconds before

replying, 'Ehhhh .. 22!'

The interviewer tries

another straightforward one to break the ice. 'And can you

tell us your height, please?'

The young lady stands up

and produces a measuring tape from her handbag. She then

traps one end under her foot and extends the tape to the top

of her head. She checks the measurement and announces, 'Five

foot two!'

This isn't looking good so the interviewer

goes for the real basics. 'And uhh, just to confirm for our

records, your name please?'

The blonde bobs her head

from side to side for about twenty seconds, mouthing

something silently to herself, before replying, 'Mandy!'

The interviewer is completely baffled at this stage, so

he asks, 'Just out of curiosity, Miss. We can understand your

counting on your fingers to work out your age, and the

measuring tape for your height is obvious, but what were you

doing when we asked you your name?'

'Ohh that!',

replies the blonde, 'That's just me running through 'Happy

birthday to you, happy birthday to you....''

God and Adam...

In the Beginning, God created Heaven and Earth and then He created man: God said, "Adam, I want you to do something for me."

Adam said, "Gladly, what do You want me to do?"

God said, "Go down into that valley."

And Adam said, "What's a valley?"

And God explained it to him. Then God said, "Cross the river."

And Adam said, "What's a river?"

And God explained to him, and then said, "Go over to the hill."

And Adam said, "What is a hill?"

And God explained that to him. Then He told Adam, "On the other side of the hill you will find a cave."

And Adam said, "What's a cave?"

And God explained that to him, then said, "In the cave you will find a Woman."

And Adam said, "What's a woman?"

So God explained that to him, and said, "I want you to reproduce."

And Adam said, "How do I do that?"

So God explained to him.

So off went Adam, down into the valley, across the river, and over the hill, and into the cave and found the woman, and in about fifteen minutes, Adam was back.

God patiently replied, as He always does, "Yes... how can I help you?"

And Adam said, "What's a headache?"