Popular jokes (8446 to 8460)Jokes sorted by popularity on social networks. Popularity is sum of all all comments, likes, pluses, tweets, etc. is new measure, independant from rating with our star rating system. |
Chuck Norris was once on Celeb...
Chuck Norris was once on Celebrity Wheel of Fortune and was the first to spin. The next 29 minutes of the show consisted of everyone standing around awkwardly, waiting for the wheel to stop.No worries...
Fresh out of business school, the young man answered a want ad for an accountant. Now, he was being interviewed by a very nervous man who ran a small business that he had started himself.
"I need someone with an accounting degree," the man said. "But mainly, I'm looking for someone to do my worrying for me."
"Excuse me?" the accountant said.
"I worry about a lot of things," the man said. "But I don't want to have to worry about money. Your job will be to take all the money worries off my back."
"I see," the accountant said. "And how much does the job pay?"
"I'll start you at eighty thousand."
"Eighty thousand dollars!" the accountant exclaimed. "How can such a small business afford a sum like that?"
"That," the owner said, "is your first worry."
When Peters learned that he wa
When Peters learned that he was being fired, he went to see the head ofhuman resources. "Since I've been with the firm for so long," he said, "Ithink I deserve at least a letter of recommendation."The human resources director agreed and said he'd have the letter thatnext day. The following morning, Peters found the letter on his desk. Itread, "Jonathan Peters worked for our company for eleven years. When heleft us, we were very satisfied."
“What happened to the...
“What happened to the rich guy with the double chin? He made a four chin.”
Televised Operations
The following is supposedly a true story. To be included, besides being true, the story is most likely strange, weird, surprising, or funny.As public television viewers in 12 cities sat glued to their sets while doctors in Philadelphia reconstructed 15-month-old Michele Miller's skull during a two-hour operation broadcast live, the girl's parents, Lynn and Paul Miller of Princeton, N.J., opted to watch "The Wizard of Oz" instead.
Mommy Mommy 03
Mommy, Mommy! Why do I have to hop everywhere?
Shut up or I'll chop off the other leg!
Mommy, Mommy! Grandma's got a bruise.
Shut up and eat around it!
Mommy, Mommy! What happened to all your scabs?
Shut up and eat your cornflakes!
Mommy, Mommy! What's in those CARE packages they send to Africa?
Shut up and get back in the box!
Mommy, Mommy! The teacher says I look like a monkey!
Shut up and comb your face!
The Mink Coat
A man walks into a very posh Rodeo Drive furrier with a gorgeous blonde on his arm."Show the lady your finest mink!" the fellow exclaims. So the owner of the
shop goes in the back and comes out with an absolutely gorgeous full-length coat.
As the lady tries it on, the furrier sidles up to the guy and discreetly
whispers,
"Ah, sir, that particular fur goes for
$65,000."
"No problem! I'll write you a check!"
"Very good, sir." says the shop owner.
"Today is Saturday. You may come by on Monday to pick it up, after the check has cleared."
So the man and the woman leave. On Monday, the fellow returns. The store owner is outraged: "How dare you
show your face in here?! There wasn't a single penny in your checking account!!"
"I just had to come by," grinned the guy, "to thank you for the most wonderful weekend of my life!"
If a concrete curb is cool to
If a concrete curb is cool to sit on, it's because it's a butt mint.There was once a monastery, an...
There was once a monastery, and the friars there wanted a new bell for the bell tower. To raise enough money for the bell, the friars decided to start a florist shop. Well, word got out that some friars were opening a flower shop, and everyone wanted the friars' flowers! So they got great business and lots of money!Well, the other florists in that area weren't very happy because they were losing business. They sent a warning to the friars telling the friars that if they didn't stop selling flowers that they would send someone over to rough 'em up! The friars ignored the warning.
The next day however, the angry florists got together and hired a thug named Hugh. Hugh was big and strong! Hugh went to the friars' flower shop and beat the friars up and tore up their shop!
The moral to this story is: Hugh, and only Hugh, can prevent florist friars!
A baby was born that was so ad
A baby was born that was so advanced that he could talk. He looked around the delivery room and saw the doctor. "Are you my doctor?" he asked."Yes, I am."
The baby said, "Thank you for taking such good care of me during birth."
He looked at his mother and asked, "Are you my mother?"
"Yes, I am," she said.
"Thank you for taking such good care of me before I was born," he said.
He then looked at his father and asked, "Are you my father?"
"Yes, I am," his father answered.
The baby motioned him to come closer, then poked him on the forehead with his index finger 5 times, saying, "I want you to know that that hurts!"
Standing in front of a shredde...
Standing in front of a shredder with a piece of paper in his hand,"Listen," said the CEO, "this is a very sensitive and important document,
and my secretary has left. Can you make this thing work?"
"Certainly," said the young executive.
He turned the machine on, inserted the paper, and pressed the start button.
"Excellent, excellent!" said the CEO as his paper disappeared inside the
shredder machine. "I just need one copy."
LESSON II: "NEVER, NEVER ASSUME THAT YOUR BOSS KNOWS EVERYTHING"
A Little Cannibalism Humor, Folks
Did you hear the one about the cannibal who passed his brother in the jungle the other day?
What is a Cat?
What is a Cat?1. Cats do what they want.
2. They rarely listen to you.
3. They're totally unpredictable.
4. When you want to play, they want to be alone.
5. When you want to be alone, they want to play.
6. They expect you to cater to their every whim.
7. They're moody.
8. They leave hair everywhere.
CONCLUSION: They're tiny women in little fur coats.
What is a Dog?
1. Dogs spend all day sprawled on the most comfortable piece of furniture in the house.
2. They can hear a package of food opening half a block away, but don't hear you when you're in the same room.
3. They can look dumb and lovable all at the same time.
4. They growl when they are not happy.
5. When you want to play, they want to play.
6. When you want to be alone, they want to play.
7. They leave their toys everywhere.
8. They do disgusting things with their mouths and then try to give you a kiss.
9. They go right for your crotch as soon as they meet you.
CONCLUSION: They're tiny men in little fur coat
