Popular jokes (8746 to 8760)Jokes sorted by popularity on social networks. Popularity is sum of all all comments, likes, pluses, tweets, etc. is new measure, independant from rating with our star rating system. |
John Wayne
An Indian (Native American) walks into a trading post and asks for toilet paper.The clerk asks if he would like no name (generic), Charmin, or White Cloud.
"White Cloud sounds like good Indian toilet paper," says the Indian. "How much is it?"
"$1.00 a roll," the clerk replies.
"That seems pretty expensive," responds the Indian. "What about the others?"
"Charmin is $2.00 a roll and no name is 50 cents a roll."
The Indian doesn't have much money so he opts for the no name. Within a few hours he is back at the trading post.
"I have a name for the no name toilet paper," he annonces to the clerk. "We shall call it John Wayne."
"Why?" asks the confused clerk.
"Cause it's rough and it's tough and it don't take no crap off no Indian."
A Frog Walks Into A Bank
A frog walks into a bank, and approaches the teller. He sees the tellers name tag read Paddy Black and says"I'd like to take out a loan, Mrs. Black"
"Certainly," says the teller, "how much would that be for?"
"One million dollars." replies the frog. "Don't worry, it's ok, I know the manager."
The teller is understandably taken aback by this, and asks if the frog has any collateral to cover this.
"As a matter of fact, I do!" says the frog, and he reaches into his pocket and hands over a tiny ceramic elephant.
"What?!" says the teller, "This is garbage! I can't take this!"
"Well, take it up with my father then!" The frog retorts.
"Oh yeah, and who might that be?" The teller is quickly getting more and more annoyed at the frog.
"Why, it's Keith Richards!" The frog is waiting impatiently, tapping his toe on the ground. "Now, can I have that loan or not?"
"Wait right here" the teller says, as she storms into the back room, looking for her manager.
"There's a frog out there who claims to know you, and wants a million dollar loan. He claims his father his Keith Richards! He even gave me this as collateral," she says, holding up the elephant. "I mean, what even is this?"
The manager takes a look at the elephant and replies "It's a knick knack, Paddy Black, give the frog a loan.
Wheat farmers possess
Wheat farmers possess triticale thinking skills.You know that you are living in 2009 when...
1. You accidentally enter your PIN on the microwave.
2. You haven't played solitaire with real cards in years.
3. You have a list of 15 phone numbers to reach your family of three.
4. You e-mail the person who works at the desk next to you.
5. Your reason for not staying in touch with friends and family is that they don't have e-mail addresses.
6. You pull up in your own driveway and use your cell phone to see if anyone is home to help you carry in the groceries.
7. Every commercial on television has a web site at the bottom of the screen
8. Leaving the house without your cell phone, which you didn't even have the first 20 or 30 (or 60) years of your life, is now a cause for panic and you turn around to go and get it.
10. You get up in the morning and go on line before getting your coffee.
11. You start tilting your head sideways to smile. : )
12 You're reading this and nodding and laughing.
13. Even worse, you know exactly to whom you are going to send this list.
14. You are too busy to notice there was no #9 on this list.
15. You actually scrolled back up to check that there wasn't a #9 on this list.
Do you know why the Cincinnati...
Do you know why the Cincinnati Bengals were the last NFL team to get a website?Because they couldnt put three W's in a row.
Why Jesus Was Jewish
Of course Jesus was Jewish. He was 30-years-old, lived with his parents, worked in the family business, and his mom thought he was God's gift to earth.
- Joke shared by Beliefnet member labratcat
Which Australian mammal is mos
Which Australian mammal is most devious?Breath Test
A man is driving down the road somewhat erratically. A cop notices this and pulls him over; he walks up to the window and says:
"Sir, I believe you're drunk. I'm going to administer a breathalyzer test"
Man, sheepishly: "Oh, I'm sorry officer, I'm a severe asthmatic, and I don't have my inhaler with me...if I blow into that thing I could have an attack and die"
Cop, a little distrustful: "Uh, yeah...well, this is more invasive, but if you won't submit to a breathalyzer, I'm going to have to take you down to the station and take blood"
Man: "Yeah, well, see, the thing is, I'm a terrible hemophiliac, and so I can't give blood...I might die"
Cop, clearly frustrated: "Alright buddy, well, this is imprecise, but I'm going to have to have you get out of your vehicle and walk this line heel-toe"
Man: "Oh, I'm sorry officer, I can't do that, I'm drunk."
Top 10 Signs That It Is Time to Join E-Mailers Anonymous
10) You wake up at 3 am to go to the bathroom, and check your e-mail on the way back to bed.9) Your firstborn is named Dotcom.
8) You turn off your modem and are suddenly filled with a feeling of emptiness, as if you just pulled the plug on a loved one.
7) You spend half of a plane trip with your laptop on your lap, and your child in the overhead compartment.
6) You decide to stay in college for an additional year or two, just for the free Internet access.
5) You find yourself typing ''com'' after every period.com.
4) You refer to going to the bathroom as downloading.
3) You move into a new house and decide to Netscape before you landscape.
2) You start tilting your head sideways to smile. : )
1) Immediately after reading this list, you e-mail it to someone.
Angry boy
The girl replies, "Hey, I wasn't screaming out anybody else's name during our intercourse. I was just thinking of baby names, if I were to get pregnant.
A father is explaining ethics
A father is explaining ethics to his son, who is about to go into business..."Suppose a woman comes in and orders a hundred dollars worth of material. You wrap it up, and you give it to her. She pays you with a $100 bill. But as she goes out the door you realize she's given you two $100 bills. Now, here's where the ethics come in: should you or should you not tell your partner?
Three Travelers
Three travelers, an American, a Russian, and an Egyptian, were circumnavigating the globe a la Jules Verne. The Russian man put his hand out and reached down into the clouds.“Aaah!” he said. “We're right over my homeland.”
“How can you tell?” asked the American.
“I can feel the cold air.” he replied.
A few days later the African man put his hand through the clouds.
“Aah we're right over my homeland.” he said.
“How do you know that?” asked the Russian.
“I can feel the heat of the desert.”
Several more days later the American put his hand through the clouds.
“Aah, we're right over New York.” The Russian and the African were amazed.
“How do you know all of that?!” they exclaimed.
The American pulled his hand in and held it up for them to see. “My watch is missing.”
