Popular jokes (8776 to 8790)Jokes sorted by popularity on social networks. Popularity is sum of all all comments, likes, pluses, tweets, etc. is new measure, independant from rating with our star rating system. |
I sat naked on a bucket of fro...
I sat naked on a bucket of frozen water, after someone suggested I run for moon icy pail government.#joke #short
Gotcha
Contributed by Connie Branson
"Cash, check or charge?" the cashier asked after folding items the woman wished to purchase.
As the woman fumbled for her wallet, the cashier noticed a remote control for a television set in her purse.
"Do you always carry your TV remote?" the cashier asked.
"No," she replied. "But my husband refused to come shopping with me, so I figured this was the most evil thing I could do to him."
#joke
A baby duck and a baby skunk f
A baby duck and a baby skunk finish crossing the freeway after just narrowly escaping death. Their families however were all killed by a big-rig. Upon reaching the other side, the little duck tells the baby skunk, "My parents both died and didn't tell me what I am." "Well," says the baby skunk, "You are yellow and you have a bill and webbed feet. You must be a duck." The duck thanked him. The baby skunk then tells the duck, "You know what, my parents didn't tell me what I am either." "Well," says the baby duck, "You're not quite black and you're not quite white and you smell bad. You must be Mexican."#joke
Dropping Fat Man and Little Bo
Dropping Fat Man and Little Boy on Hiroshima and Nagasaki was a bomb on nation.#joke #short
A man and his wife were workin
A man and his wife were working in their garden one day and the man looks over at his wife and says: "Your butt is getting really big, I mean really big. I bet your butt is bigger than the barbecue."With that he proceeded to get a measuring tape and measure the grill and then went over to where his wife was working and measured his wife's bottom. "Yes, I was right, your butt is two inches wider than the barbecue!!!" The woman chose to ignore her husband.
Later that night in bed, the husband is feeling a little frisky. He makes some advances towards his wife who completely brushes him off. "What's wrong?" he asks.
She answers: "Do you really think I'm going to fire up this big-ass grill for one little weenie?"
#joke
Ass Kissing & Brownnosing
Q: What's the only difference between ass kissing and brownnosing?
A: Depth perception.
#joke #short
This is an actual job applicat
This is an actual job application that a 17 year old boy submitted to McDonald's in Florida... and they hired him because he was so honest and funny!NAME: Greg Bulmash.
SEX: Not yet. Still waiting for the right person.
DESIRED POSITION: Company's President or Vice President. But seriously, whatever's available. If I was in a position to be picky, I wouldn't be applying here in the first place.
DESIRED SALARY: $185,000 a year plus stock options and a Michael Ovitz style severance package. If that's not possible, make an offer and we can haggle.
EDUCATION: Yes.
LAST POSITION HELD: Target for middle management hostility.
SALARY: Less than I'm worth.
MOST NOTABLE ACHIEVEMENT: My incredible collection of stolen pens and post-it notes.
REASON FOR LEAVING: It sucked.
HOURS AVAILABLE TO WORK: Any. PREFERRED HOURS: 1:30-3:30 p.m., Monday, Tuesday, and Thursday.
DO YOU HAVE ANY SPECIAL SKILLS?: Yes, but they're better suited to a more intimate environment.
MAY WE CONTACT YOUR CURRENT EMPLOYER?: If I had one, would I be here?
DO YOU HAVE ANY PHYSICAL CONDITIONS THAT WOULD PROHIBIT YOU FROM LIFTING UP TO 50 LBS?: Of what?
DO YOU HAVE A CAR?: I think the more appropriate question here would be "Do you have a car that runs?"
HAVE YOU RECEIVED ANY SPECIAL AWARDS OR RECOGNITION?: I may already be a winner of the Publishers Clearing house Sweepstakes.
DO YOU SMOKE?: On the job no, on my breaks yes.
WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE TO BE DOING IN FIVE YEARS?: Living in the Bahamas with a fabulously wealthy dumb sexy blonde super model who thinks I'm the greatest thing since sliced bread. Actually, I'd like to be doing that now.
DO YOU CERTIFY THAT THE ABOVE IS TRUE AND COMPLETE TO THE BEST OF YOUR KNOWLEDGE?: Yes. Absolutely.
SIGN HERE: Aries.
Your mama is so ugly that when
Your mama is so ugly that when I told her to do the robot, R2-D2 got herpes.#joke #short
Two Hindu Puns
Two Hindu swamis were in conversation.One said to the other, "How did you like my latest book, 'The Art of Levitation'?"
His companion replied, "It kept me up all night."
***
A Hindu devotee asked God, represented by the multi-armed Lord Narayana, this question. "My dear Lord," he said. "I understand that you have innumerable inconceivable potencies. But out of all of them the energy of light seems to be the most amazing. Light pervades the spiritual world, it illuminates the material universes, and life is impossible without it." He continued, "I would like to know how you make it work."
"Oh, that's easy," was the reply. "Many hands make light work."
#joke
Room 8
A man arrives at the gates of heaven. St. Peter asks,"Religion?"
The man says, "Methodist."
St. Peter looks down his list, and says, "Go to room 24, but
be very quiet as you pass room 8."
Another man arrives at the gates of heaven. "Religion?"
"Baptist."
"Go to room 18, but be very quiet as you pass room 8."
A third man arrives at the gates. "Religion?"
"Jewish." "Go to room 11, but be very quiet as you pass room
8."
The man says, "I can understand there being different rooms
for different religions, but why must I be quiet when I pass
room 8?"
St. Peter tells him, "Well the Catholics are in room 8, and
they think they're the only ones here.
#joke
