Popular jokes (8791 to 8805)Jokes sorted by popularity on social networks. Popularity is sum of all all comments, likes, pluses, tweets, etc. is new measure, independant from rating with our star rating system. |
Silly Collection 19
What is the best day of the week to sleep?
Snooze-day!
How many rotten eggs does it take to make a stink bomb?
A phew!
What do cannibals eat for breakfast?
Buttered host!
What holds the sun up in the sky?
Sunbeams!
What does "Maximum" mean?
A very big mother!
What is full of holes but can still hold water?
A sponge!
Why is perfume obedient?
Because it is scent wherever it goes!
How does the Syrian president
How does the Syrian president live with himself? He must look in the mirror and say 'I'm Assad fellow. But everything's gonna be Alawite.'Teacher: Whats the meaning of
Teacher: Whats the meaning of Attention Deficit Hyperactive Disorder?Student: Bambalakkadi Jimba.
Teacher: I don't understand anything you said.
Student: Same here.
The blind salesman...
A lady goes into the local sporting goods store to buy a fishing rod to give to her husband for his birthday.
A salesman wearing dark glasses with a dog is behind the counter and asks, "Can I help you ma'am ?"
"Well, I'd like to buy a fishing rod, can you tell me about this one?" she answers.
The salesman replies, "I'm sorry ma'am but I am blind and can not see the rod your referring too. However, if you'll drop it on the counter I'll tell you all about it as I can tell from the sound it makes."
The lady picks up the rod, and does what he says and drops it on the counter.
He belts "That's a Zebco 2500, fiberglass, 6.5', medium action - $15."
Lady - "Wow !" She finds another and does the same.
"Thats an Orion 35C, graphite, 6', light action - best used with ultralight tackle - $20."
Very impressed the lady decides to buy the second one.
As the man is ringing up the sale, the lady makes a rather large noise as she passes gas but feels no need to apologize as the salesman is blind and has no idea who she is.
Salesman says, "That'll be $25."
"TWENTY FIVE DOLLARS !? YOU SAID $20?"
"That's right mam, $20 for the rod, $3 for the duck call, and $2 for the fish bait."
People with bad handwriting ar
People with bad handwriting are actually more intelligent. They tend to be very no legible.Mailing List Users Changing Light Bulbs
Q: How many internet mail list subscribers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Exactly five hundred.
1 to change the light bulb and to post to the mail list that the light bulb has been changed.
7 to share similar experiences of changing light bulbs and how the light bulb could have been changed differently or to caution about the dangers of changing light bulbs.
17 to point out spelling/grammar errors in posts about changing light bulbs.
21 to flame the spell checkers.
49 to write to the list administrator complaining about the light bulb discussion and its inappropriateness to this mail list.
20 to correct spelling in the spelling/grammar flames.
32 to post that this list is not about light bulbs and to please take this email exchange to alt.lite.bulb.
69 to demand that cross posting to alt.grammar, alt.spelling and alt.punctuation about changing light bulbs be stopped.
41 to defend the posting to this list saying that we all use light bulbs and therefore the posts are relevant to this mail list.
106 to debate which method of changing light bulbs is superior, where to buy the best light bulbs, what brand of light bulbs work best for this technique, and what brands are faulty.
12 to post URLs where one can see examples of different light bulbs.
8 to post that the URLs were posted incorrectly, and to post corrected URLs.
2 to post about links they found from the URLs that are relevant to this list which makes light bulbs relevant to this list.
15 to concatenate all posts to date, then quote them including all headers and footers, and then add pointedly, "Me Too."
6 to post to the list that they are unsubscribing because they cannot handle the light bulb controversy.
9 to quote the "Me Too's" and happily add, "Me Three!"
3 to suggest that posters request the light bulb FAQ.
1 to propose new alt.change.lite.bulb newsgroup.
24 to say this is just what alt.physic.cold_fusion was meant for, leave it here.
53 votes for alt.lite.bulb.
Condom use can lead to asphyxi
Condom use can lead to asphyxia: it makes it hard to breed.If anorexic models are banned
If anorexic models are banned – it proves there is too thin advertising.Q: If April showers bring may
Q: If April showers bring may flowers, what do mayflowers bring?A: Pilgrims!
Buy a grade...
A professor was giving a big test one day to his students. He handed out all of the tests and went back to his desk to wait.
Once the test was over the students all handed the tests back in. The professor noticed that one of the students had attached a $100 bill to his test with a note saying "A dollar per point."
The next class the professor handed the tests back out. This student got back his test and $64 change.
Banging pussy
There were two prostitutes , one was very beautiful and the other was ugly. The beautiful prostitute used to make around $1,000-$3,000 a month but the ugly one made around $10,000-$13,000.Confused to why the fuck the ugly one made more money than her, the beautiful prostitute went to the ugly one and asked her.
" Hey girl ! How are you? Looks like you're doing great ,you bought a new car and an apartment, where did you get the money ?".
On this the ugly bitch replied. " Actually I play games with my customer and so I earn a lot, maybe more than you . What I do with my customer is that when we have intercourse I put a small firecracker in my pussy and when it blows up , I start shouting oh you blew up my pussy you bastard, scared that this may put them in trouble my customers end up paying me $500-$800 to get away".
Hearing this, the beautiful blonde prostitute went to the shop
to buy some firecrackers, but as the less power crackers were not available that day she bought a huge powerful firecracker and went to work.
While having intercourse she put the big bomb in her pussy and it went off with a huge bang. Then the prostitute started shouting as planned " You blew up my pussy ...You blew up my pussy".
On this the customer replied ," You bitch, the hell with your pussy, where the fuck is my DICK ".
Submitted by Admin
Edited by Curtis
Deep heat
A guy walks into a pharmacy and says to the pharmacist, "Listen, I have three girls coming over tonight. I've never had three girls at once, I need something to keep me horny....keep me potent."The pharmacist reaches under the counter, unlocks the bottom drawer and takes out a small cardboard box marked with a label, "Viagra Extra Strength" and says, "Here, if you eat this, you'll go nuts for twelve hours."
The guy says, "Gimme three boxes."
The next day, the guy walks into the same pharmacy, limps up to the pharmacist and pulls down his pants.
The pharmacist looks in horror as he notices the man's penis is black and blue, and skin is hanging off in some places.
In a paired voice, the man moans out, "Gimme a bottle of Deep Heat."
The pharmacist replies in horror, "You can't put deep heat on that."
The man replies, "No, it's for my arms, the girls didn't show up."
Submitted by Calamjo
Edited by Curtis
Mommy Mommy 03
Mommy, Mommy! Why do I have to hop everywhere?
Shut up or I'll chop off the other leg!
Mommy, Mommy! Grandma's got a bruise.
Shut up and eat around it!
Mommy, Mommy! What happened to all your scabs?
Shut up and eat your cornflakes!
Mommy, Mommy! What's in those CARE packages they send to Africa?
Shut up and get back in the box!
Mommy, Mommy! The teacher says I look like a monkey!
Shut up and comb your face!
The Horney Rooster
... The Horney Rooster
A farmer looses his prize stud rooster just when he needs his hens fertilized most for some new chicks. He looks all over the county for a new stud rooster and finally finds one about to be killed at the slaughter house.
The butcher says, "No you don't want this one he's too horny."
The farmer says, "Perfect I'll take him." He turns the rooster loose in the hen house and hears nothing but squawking hens all day. He's eating supper and hears the ducks starting to quack loudly on the pond. He's getting ready for bed and hears the cows bellowing in the barn.
The next morning he wakes up to the sound of the pigs squealing. So he locks his wife and daughter in the house so the rooster won't get them, walks outside and finds the rooster laying exhausted and dehydrated in the driveway with buzzards circling overhead.
He walks to the rooster and says, "Gol-dang it rooster if you'd have paced yourself, you could have had the run of this place for years" The rooster looks at him with one eye cocked open, points to the buzzards and whispers, "Shhhhhh. They're about ready to land, Shhh.”
