Popular jokes (9106 to 9120)Jokes sorted by popularity on social networks. Popularity is sum of all all comments, likes, pluses, tweets, etc. is new measure, independant from rating with our star rating system. |
“The electrician work...
“The electrician worked hard to get in shape so he could perform with Circuit Soleil.”
Knock Knock Collection 142
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Oscar!
Oscar who?
Oscar a silly question, get a silly answer!
Knock Knock
Who's there?
O'Shea!
O'Shea who?
O'Shea that's a sad story!
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Oslo!
Oslo who!
Oslo down, whats the hurry!
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Oswald!
Oswald who?
Oswald my chewing gum!
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Oswego!
Oswego who?
Oswego marching, marching home ...!
The Lone Ranger
The Lone Ranger and Tonto were at the bar drinking, when in walks a cowboy who yells, "Who's white horse it that outside?"The Lone Ranger finishes off his whiskey, slams down the glass, turns around and says, "It's my horse. Why do you want to know?"
The cowboy looks at him and says, "Well, your horse is standing out there in the sun and he don't look too good."
The Lone Ranger and Tonto run outside and they see that Silver is in bad shape, suffering from heat exhaustion.
The Loan Ranger moves his horse into the shade and gets a bucket of water. He then pours some of the water over the horse and gives the rest to Silver to drink.
It is then he notices that there isn't a breeze so he asks Tonto if he would start running around Silver to get some air flowing and perhaps cool him down.
Being a faithful friend, Tonto starts running around Silver. The Lone Ranger stands there for a bit then realizes there is not much more he can do, so he goes back into the bar and orders another whiskey.
After a bit a cowboy walks in and says, "Who's white horse is that outside?"
Slowly the Lone Ranger turns around and says, "That is my horse, what is wrong with him now?"
"Nothing," replies the cowboy, "I just wanted to let you know that you left your Injun running."
Submitted by calamjo
Edited by Curtis
Crash and Burn
Two men got out of their cars after they collided at an intersection. One took a flask from his pocket and said to the other, "Here, maybe you'd like a nip to calm your nerves."
"Thanks," he said, and took a long pull from the container. "Here, you have one, too," he added, handing back the whiskey.
"Well, I'd rather not," said the first. "At least not until after the police have been here."
Control Your Sideline Coach!
One of the youth soccer coaches didn't care much for my refereeing and had no problem letting me know it. Fed up, I politely threatened him with a send-off if he didn't stop.
He calmed down, but an older woman took up where he'd left off. "You'd better control your sideline," I warned the coach.
The coach turned to the woman and barked, "Knock it off, Mom!"
A supermarket had a sale on bo
A supermarket had a sale on boneless chicken breasts, and a woman intended to stock up.At the store, however, she was disappointed to find only a few skimpy prepackaged portions of the poultry, so she complained to the butcher.
"Don't worry," he said. "I'll pack some more trays and have them ready for you by the time you finish shopping."
Several aisles later, everyone heard the butcher's voice boom over the public-address system, "Will the lady who wanted bigger breasts please meet me at the back of the store."
Answering Machine Message 32
Hi, you've reached the home of George Ledec. If you are calling to collect a student loan, gambling debt, or other obligation, please press 1 and hang up now. If you are selling any product or service, or requesting charitable donations, please press 2 and hang up now. Otherwise, press 3 and leave your message now. Pressing 3 is optional.
Cursed Diamond
A businessman boarded a plane to find, sitting next to him, an elegant woman wearing the largest, most stunning diamond ring he had ever seen. He asked her about it.
"This is the Bexfield diamond," she said. "It is beautiful, but there is a terrible curse that goes with it."
"What's the curse?" the man asked.
"Mr. Bexfield."
IF MY BODY WERE A CAR...
IF MY BODY WERE A CAR...
If my body were a car, this is the time I would be thinking about
trading it in for a newer model. I've got bumps and dents and scratches
in my finish and my paint job is getting a little dull . but that's
not the worst of it.
My headlights are out of focus and it's especially hard to see things
up close.
My traction is not as graceful as it once was.I slip and slide and
skid and bump into things even in the best of weather.My whitewalls
are stained with varicose veins.
It takes me hours to reach my maximum speed.My fuel rate burns
inefficiently.
But here's the worst of it -----------------------
------- Almost every time I sneeze, cough or sputter.....either my radiator
leaks or my exhaust backfires
#joke
If my body were a car, this is the time I would be thinking about
trading it in for a newer model. I've got bumps and dents and scratches
in my finish and my paint job is getting a little dull . but that's
not the worst of it.
My headlights are out of focus and it's especially hard to see things
up close.
My traction is not as graceful as it once was.I slip and slide and
skid and bump into things even in the best of weather.My whitewalls
are stained with varicose veins.
It takes me hours to reach my maximum speed.My fuel rate burns
inefficiently.
But here's the worst of it -----------------------
------- Almost every time I sneeze, cough or sputter.....either my radiator
leaks or my exhaust backfires
A couple of puns...
Not too long ago a scientist tried to clone himself.However, his clone was very obnoxious and lewd, while the scientist was well received and respected. Finally fed up with his experiment gone wrong, he threw his clone off the roof of the laboratory; killingthe clone.He was arrested by the local police for... making anobscene clone fall.--------------------
Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, but when theylit a fire in the craft it sank-proving once and for all that you can't have your kayak and heat it, too.
Two Guitarists
What's the difference between a rock guitarist and a jazz guitarist?
A rock guitarist plays 4 notes in front of 1000 people, while a jazz guitarist plays 1000 notes in front of 4 people.
Answering Machine Message 74
Stoned, slow voice: Hey brother, you have reached the Narcotics Information Hotline. None of us can answer the phone right now, 'cause we're trying to decide if it exists. Leave a message.
