Popular jokes (9106 to 9120)Jokes sorted by popularity on social networks. Popularity is sum of all all comments, likes, pluses, tweets, etc. is new measure, independant from rating with our star rating system. |
Fix the Outhouse
Maw is outside the house hanging up the laundry, when she
hears Jethro in the kitchen. Maw walks in and says, "Jethro,
get out there and fix that there outhouse."
He says, "All right, Maw."
He walks out to the outhouse, looks at it, and says, "Maw,
there ain't nothin' wrong with this here outhouse!"
Maw says, "Yes there is son. Put your head down in the
hole."
He puts his head down in the hole and he says, "Maw, there
ain't nothin'
wrong with this here outhouse!"
He goes to lift up his head and he says, "Oww! OWW! Maw!
MAW, my beard's
stuck!"
She says, "Aggravatin', ain't it?"
Cool, Carm...
A man on a business trip went to a singles bar, approached two ladies, and offered either of them two hundred dollars to spend the night with him. One girl stormed out in a rage, but the other remained cool, calm... and collected.
Alfred Robles: Engaged for 10 Months
My girl wants to change the engagement rules. She tells me, Babe, why do I got to wear a ring and let guys know Im taken, and you dont got to wear nothing? I told her, Babe, I wear my sad face every day.How does a permanent mar...
How does a permanent marker work? I simply can't de-scribe it.Who invented the Allen key? I ...
Who invented the Allen key? I have no Ikea.Kids jokes-Sales call
Dean: Hello, little fellow. Can I speak to your mother?
Little kid : She is not at home.
Dean: Well, is anyone else at home?
Little kid: Ya, my sis.
Dean: Okay. May I speak to her?
Little kid: All right.
There was a long silence. Then:
Little kid: Hello?
Dean: Oh, it's you again. I thought you were going to call your sister.
Little kid: I tried. The trouble is, I can't get her out of the playpen.
Delivery....
In the back woods, Mr. Stewart's wife went into labor in the middle of the night, and the doctor was called out to assist in the delivery.
To keep the nervous father-to-be busy, the doctor handed him a lantern and said, "Here, you hold this high so I can see what I'm doing." Soon, a wee baby boy was brought into the world.
"Whoa there Scotty!" said the doctor. "Don't be in a rush to put the lantern down... I think there's yet another wee one to come." Sure enough, within minutes he had delivered another little baby.
"No, no, don't be in a great hurry to be putting down that lantern, young man... It seems there's yet another one besides!" cried the doctor.
The new father scratched his head in bewilderment, and asked the doctor. "Do ye think it's the light that's attractin' them?"
Chuck Norris can squeeze orang...
Chuck Norris can squeeze orange juice out of a lemon.Who says cops don't have a se
Who says cops don't have a sense of humor? The following were taken off of actual police car videos around the country."Relax, the handcuffs are tight because they're new. They'll stretch out after you wear them awhile."
"Take your hands off the car, and I'll make your birth certificate a worthless document."
"If you run, you'll only go to jail tired."
"Can you run faster than 1,200 feet per second? In case you didn't know, that is the average speed of a 9 mm bullet fired from my gun."
"So you don't know how fast you were going. I guess that means I can write anything I want on the ticket, huh?"
"Yes, Sir, you can talk to the shift supervisor, but I don't think it will help. Oh ... did I mention that I am the shift supervisor?"
"Warning! You want a warning? O.K., I'm warning you not to do that again or I'll give you another ticket."
"The answer to this last question will determine whether you are drunk or not. Was Mickey Mouse a cat or a dog?"
"Fair? You want me to be fair? Listen, fair is a place where you go to ride on rides, eat cotton candy, and step in monkey poop."
"Yeah, we have a quota. Two more tickets and my wife gets a toaster oven."
"In God we trust, all others we run through NCIC."
"Just how big were those two beers?"
"No sir we don't have quotas anymore. We used to have quotas but now we're allowed to write as many tickets as we want."
"I'm glad to hear the Chief of Police is a good personal friend of yours. At least you know someone who can post your bail."
"You didn't think we give pretty women tickets? You're right, we don't. Sign here."
Burglar and an Elderly Woman
An elderly woman had just returned to her home from an evening of church services when she was startled by an intruder. She caught the man in the act of robbing her home of its valuables and yelled, "Stop! Acts 2:38!" (Repent and be baptized, in the name of Jesus Christ so that your sins may be forgiven.)The burglar stopped in his tracks. The woman calmly called the police and explained what she had done.
As the officer cuffed the man to take him in, he asked the burglar, "Why did you just stand there? All the old lady did was yell a scripture to you."
"Scripture?" replied the burglar. "She said she had an ax and two 38's!"
