Popular jokes (9271 to 9285)Jokes sorted by popularity on social networks. Popularity is sum of all all comments, likes, pluses, tweets, etc. is new measure, independant from rating with our star rating system. |
Golfing
Jesus, Moses, and an old man were playing golf one day.Jesus stepped up to the tee, swung, but caught a real bad slice and the ball caught hard left straight into the pond.
"No problem!" he said, and then made the ball rise so he could walk out on the pond, and chip it right onto the green.
"Not bad, young fella!" Said Moses. But he suffered the same fate dropping the ball into the pond.
Stepping to the edge, he parted the water, stepped in and chipped it onto the green.
Finally the old man steps up. not quite certain on how the game was played, tees off.
The ball also caught hard to the left, and straight to the pond.
Before the ball hit, a fish dove out and ate it, but before entering the water again, a bird swoops down and eats the fish.
Flying over the green, the bird coughs up the fish, when the fish hit the green, the ball popped out, onto the green and rolled right into the cup!
"Hooray!!! A hole in one!!!" Cried the old man.
Then Jesus steps up and says, "Dad! stop messing around, and play golf!"
Submitted by Curtis
Edited by Calamjo
A nun, really needing to go to
A nun, really needing to go to the bathroom, walkedinto a neighborhood pub. The place was hopping withmusic and dancing but every once in a while the lightswould turn off. Each time after the lights would goout the place would erupt into cheers. However, whenthe revelers saw the nun, the roomwent dead silent.She walked up to the bartender, and asked," May Iplease use the restroom?"The bartender replied, "I really don't think youshould."
"Why not? " the nun asked.
"Well, there is a statue of a naked man in there, andhis most private part is covered only by a fig leaf. "
"Nonsense," said the nun, "I'll just look the otherway."
So the bartender showed the nun the door at the top ofthe stairs, and she proceeded to the restroom. After afew minutes, she came back out, and the whole placewas hopping with music and dancing again. However,they did stop just long enough to give the nun a loudround of applause.
She went to the bartender and said, "Sir, I don'tunderstand. Why did they applaud for me just because Iwent to the restroom?"
"Well, now they know you're one of us," said thebartender. "Would you like a drink?"
"But, I still don't understand," said the puzzled nun.
"You see," laughed the bartender, "every time the figleaf is lifted on the statue, the lights go out in thewhole place. Now, how about that drink, Sister
The man who broke up with his
The man who broke up with his longtime girlfriend went on a consolational fruit-eating binge. When asked how he was handling it, the fellow merely raised a half-eaten piece of produce. “Can't you see,” he said, “I am in the depths of this pear.“Leave a sample...
An old codger goes to visit his doctor about painful peeing. His wife goes with him because the poor old bloke is hard of hearing.
After an examination the Doctor says to the old man, "Right, I'll need you to leave a urine, semen and feces samples for analysis."
The old man didn't quite hear the Doctor and asks his wife, "What did the Doctor say?"
The wife replies, "He wants you to leave your underpants here, dear."
The Buddhist at the Dentist
Q: Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused his dentist's Novocain during root canal work?A: He wanted to transcend dental medication!
Write a blog? I'm not
Write a blog? I'm not a post to that. #joke #short
A little old lady had two monk
A little old lady had two monkeys for years. One day one of them died of natural causes. In grief, the second monkey passed away two days later.Not knowing what to do with them, she finally decided to take them to the taxidermist and have them stuffed. After telling the owner of her wishes, he asked her, "Do you want them mounted?"
Blushing, she said, "No. Shaking hands will be fine."
Chuck Norris has an ongoing fe...
Chuck Norris has an ongoing feud with the Keebler elves. It started when they stole his idea for putting a kitchen in a tree. While the elves now make subpar cookies in the tree, Chuck's tree contains a fully functioning crystal meth lab.The huge college freshman deci
The huge college freshman decided to try out for the football team."Can you tackle?" asked the coach.
"Watch this," said the freshman, who proceeded to run smack into a telephone pole, shattering it to splinters.
"Wow," said the coach. "I'm impressed. Can you run?"
"Of course I can run," said the freshman. He was off like a shot, and, in just over nine seconds, he had run a hundred yard dash.
"Great!" enthused the coach. "But can you pass a football?"
The freshman hesitated for a few seconds. "Well, sir," he said, "if I can swallow it, I can probably pass it."
Physics...
One day our physics professor was discussing a particularly complicated concept. A pre-med student rudely interrupted to ask "Why do we have to learn this stuff?"
"To save lives." the professor responded quickly and continued the lecture.
A few minutes later, the same student spoke up again. "So, how does physics save lives?" he persisted.
"It keeps the idiots out of medical school," replied the professor.
